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| Alea iacta est |
FIFY. | |||
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Delusions of Adequacy |
Is dirty talk considered aural sex? I know that in severe cases it can result in getting hearing aids. I have my own style of humor. I call it Snarkasm. | |||
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Member |
A guy came to my door today asking for a small donation for the community swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water. _____________________ Be careful what you tolerate. You are teaching people how to treat you. | |||
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Member |
Redneck goes into the tool store to buy a file. The clerk shows him what is available, saying "We have rough, smooth, and bastard files." After thinking about it for a minute, the redneck says "Give me one of those bastards, and one each of those other two suns-a-bitches." Demand not that events should happen as you wish; but wish them to happen as they do happen, and you will go on well. -Epictetus | |||
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Little kid is at show-n-tell, telling the story of his father who was up on the barn roof, fell off, and landed on a fence post right on his posterior. Little kid: "Yea, my Daddy, he was up on the barn, fell off, and ran a fence post right up his ass!" Teacher: "Ummm, rectum." Little kid: "Wrecked um? Damn near killed um." Demand not that events should happen as you wish; but wish them to happen as they do happen, and you will go on well. -Epictetus | |||
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Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" How does an idiot call for his dog? He puts two fingers in his mouth and then shouts Rover. | |||
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| Member |
Two cannibals killed a missionary. One started at the head and the other at the legs. The one at the head looked at his friend and asked how he was doing. The friend replied, "I'm having a ball". Officers lives matter! | |||
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אַרְיֵה |
Cannibal went to the witch doctor, complaining of a stomach ache. Witch doctor said, "It must have been somebody you ate." Cannibal said, "No, my standard diet, one of those missionary guys. The one in the brown robe with a bald spot." Witch doctor asked, "How did you cook him?" Cannibal said, "Traditional method, boiled him in a big pot." Witch doctor said, "You idiot, that was a friar!" הרחפת שלי מלאה בצלופחים | |||
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| His diet consists of black coffee, and sarcasm.  |
Here's a "croaker."  | |||
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| Delusions of Adequacy |
I always make my dentist appointments for the same time. Tooth Hurty. I have my own style of humor. I call it Snarkasm. | |||
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| Alea iacta est |
A Japanese man walks into a New York Currency Exchange with 2000 yen. He receives $72.00 in American currency. The following week, the same Japanese man walks into the same currency exchange. He again exchanges 2000 yen. This time, he receives $66.00 in American currency. He doesn't understand why he received less money, so he asks the clerk, "Why less money when same 2000 yen" The clerk replies, "Fluctuations." As the Asian man prepares to leave, he turns, looks at the clerk and angrily says, "Fluck you Amelicans, too!" | |||
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Member |
Child beauty pageant mother arrested for using botox on daughter. The child did not look surprised. _____________________________________________ I may be a bad person, but at least I use my turn signal. | |||
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Drug Dealer |
Urologist: You should quit masturbating so much. Patient: Oh yeah? Why is that? Urologist: Because I need to examine you. When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. - George Bernard Shaw | |||
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| A day late, and a dollar short  |
 ____________________________ NRA Life Member, Annual Member GOA, MGO Annual Member | |||
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Unhyphenated American |
Guy went on a blind date, after eating, they were walking down the street. He asked, "what would you like to do"? He heard, "I wanna get weighed". He found that strange, but they passed a store with an old fashion penny scale out front so they stopped. He asked, "Are you enjoying the evening"? "No, so far it's wousy". __________________________________________________________________________________ ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Always remember that others may hate you but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself. Richard M Nixon It's nice to be important, it's more important to be nice. Billy Joe Shaver NRA Life Member | |||
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North Carolina state trooper pulls over a redneck for speeding on the Interstate. Trooper: "Got any ID". Redneck: "'bout what". ********* "Some people are alive today because it's against the law to kill them". | |||
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What is the guys name who has no arms or legs and likes to waterski? Skip | |||
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Shaman |
Dod you hear about the cow that gave golden milk? It's legend dairy.  He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. | |||
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| Member |
Two blondes walk into a bar. The brunette ducks. | |||
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| Unhyphenated American |
A girl was riding down the street on her bicycle with a kitten in the basket on her handlebars. A policeman saw her and gave her a citation for pedaling pussy.  __________________________________________________________________________________ ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Always remember that others may hate you but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself. Richard M Nixon It's nice to be important, it's more important to be nice. Billy Joe Shaver NRA Life Member | |||
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