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What's brown and sticky? A stick. | |||
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What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste. | |||
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| Three Generations of Service  |
What did the nurse say when she found the rectal thermometer behind her ear? "Some asshole has my pencil!" Be careful when following the masses. Sometimes the M is silent. | |||
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| Conveniently located directly above the center of the Earth  |
"What's the difference between light and hard?" ....it stays light all day.... | |||
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Member |
The King, being bored, held a contest to find the greatest punster in his kingdom. After months and months of contests, his own jester was found to be the greatest. The King then held a final contest; if the jester could be shut in a closet but get out with just a pun he'd bestow his entire kingdom on the jester. The morning of the contest the jester was placed in the royal closet. Where upon the jester said... "Opun the door..." ___________________________________________________________ Your right to swing your fist stops just short of the other person's nose... | |||
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Chip away the stone |
^^^^^GROANER | |||
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Legalize the Constitution |
Jeez, all the way back to grade school, huh What's black and white, and black and white, and black and white, ...? A nun falling down the stairs. What's black and white and red all over? A wounded nun _______________________________________________________ despite them | |||
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Now Serving 7.62 |
Define circumcopulation- Fucking around! | |||
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What did one fly say to the other fly? "your man is open" | |||
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| Free men do not ask permission to bear arms  |
What sound does a Japanese camera shutter make? Crick. A gun in the hand is worth more than ten policemen on the phone. The American Revolution was carried out by a group of gun toting religious zealots. | |||
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Member |
And of course she works at IHOP. Robert ------------------------------------------------ Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. -- Marianne Williamson | |||
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Delusions of Adequacy |
A straight line is the shortest distance between two puns. I have my own style of humor. I call it Snarkasm. | |||
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Unhyphenated American |
Guy goes to the DR. "My wife was talking to me the other day, I wasn't paying attention, she's either got VD or TB". Doc says, "Chase her around the bedroom, if she coughs, fuck her".This message has been edited. Last edited by: Floyd D. Barber, __________________________________________________________________________________ ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Always remember that others may hate you but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself. Richard M Nixon It's nice to be important, it's more important to be nice. Billy Joe Shaver NRA Life Member | |||
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32nd degree |
I believe they are "William Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzwilliam" ___________________  "the world doesn't end til yer dead, 'til then there's more beatin's in store, stand it like a man, and give some back" Al Swearengen | |||
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What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk | |||
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Void Where Prohibited |
Long ago, I heard it as Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick ... "If Gun Control worked, Chicago would look like Mayberry, not Thunderdome" - Cam Edwards | |||
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Man goes to a Psychiatrist for an evaluation. Doctor spends quite some time with the guy and determines that he is in fact crazy, and tells him. Guy says: "Oh yeah, well I want a second opinion". Doctor says: "OK. You're ugly, too. ********* "Some people are alive today because it's against the law to kill them". | |||
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Member |
What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ | |||
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| Member |
A baby seal walks into a club. I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not. | |||
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A guy with no arms and no legs in a cannibals cooking pot? Stu. _____________________________________________ I may be a bad person, but at least I use my turn signal. | |||
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