I'm typically 5 minutes early, and can tolerate +/- 10 minutes from a woman. I do live in the suburbs of the 4th largest city and am understanding if there is unusual traffic but not routine traffic (ie poor planning).

Short version: When dating set the expectation of timeliness without being a dick about it and be prepared to walk away if they don't change.

Long version:
My GF of 3.5 years was perpetually late in the early days and not +/- 10 minutes either. On our 3rd date, I cooked for us and she was 1.5 hours late. She texted she was going to be late (a complete BS ETA to boot) and I texted back food is ready now, I'm eating now, and would keep her food warm for her. When she finally arrived I was a polite, perfect host while she ate her dinner. I waited for her to say,"I thought you'd be mad" then we calmly talked about being on-time is a must have for me. I was kind of surprised when she asked how I was on time or early so I explained using Google maps to determine drive time and using it to determine when I leave. Turns out, her whole family is late for everything because they always leave after they're already supposed to be there. The lightbulb turned on that if it takes 20 minutes to get somewhere that she had to leave 20 to 25 minutes before she's supposed to be there. 3.5 years later and 90% of the time she's +/- 10 minutes.

It's also paid off professionally as she was always 30 minutes to an hour late for work. Despite having 5 degrees and certifications and crushing all of her performance targets she never got promoted so she'd quit, go somewhere else, be perpetually late, rinse & repeat. Now, she's on time, she's a supervisor, and has doubled her income.

^^^^
I didn't know you were dating my married niece!

One of the two smartest women I've ever met in my life, and she just couldn't figure out that "on-time" thing. She seems to have conquered that devil in the last few years.

I have heard that if she gets to a point in her life where she doesn't care so much how she looks, it gets better. I would never admit to having first hand knowledge about this.

In SoCal there's a large Asian and Hispanic community and friends who are married to either one say it is, at least for them, a cultural thing.

The premise that allows the lateness is, "If they are expecting me, want me there or to attend, the time I arrive isn't as important as much as my eventual presence." Your presence is the important thing in the event and if you're late it's not important.

It's important if your royal ass is so late, you miss the whole shootin' match.

quote:

Originally posted by Flashlightboy:
In SoCal there's a large Asian and Hispanic community and friends who are married to either one say it is, at least for them, a cultural thing.

The premise that allows the lateness is, "If they are expecting me, want me there or to attend, the time I arrive isn't as important as much as my eventual presence." Your presence is the important thing in the event and if you're late it's not important.

So this becomes 3D chess level of determining eventual arrival time. Mix in Asian and Hispanic women when I can barely understand EuroCaucasian women and I'll just throw in the towel.

This is all leading me to believe there is a niche for an escort service on the Dominoes franchise model.

Delivery in half an hour or it's free.

quote:

Originally posted by apprentice:
This is all leading me to believe there is a niche for an escort service on the Dominoes franchise model.

Delivery in half an hour or it's free.

You win the Internet today!

If it is a habit, sign of disrespect for you and others. Time to find someone more thoughtful and considerate.

It's a cultural thing for sure.
My wife is French (who are not noted for timeliness) but she was trained by the Swiss (who are).
We have been together for 24 years now and she has never caused me to be late for anything.
Women need to know time is important. Punctuality is a virtue. Planning is a process, and it can be learned. Teach her about how to do a time appreciation working from H Hr back to start of preparation. You might be surprised that your friend already knows how long it takes to do hair, nails, select clothing etc. The problem is usually that they have never tried adding all the timings together and aimed at making a specific departure time from the correct start point.
Hopefully she respects you enough to try to work with you. If not you can accept it (many have), or move on.

For women who are chronically late, there is no cure, particularly for those whom there is no personal consequence. May be many psychological explanations, but it probably boils mostly down to lack of inborn conscientious, selfishness, and lack of care about others in their lives.

quote:

Originally posted by uvahawk:
If it is a habit, sign of disrespect for you and others. Time to find someone more thoughtful and considerate.

Just like that, huh?

"That's it, honey, you were late again. I'm takin' the dog and you can have the house. OK, then, see ya."

This stuff is as common as can be with women. If you jettison every gal who makes a habit of taking forever to get ready, you're gonna be a lonely guy.

The technique of telling them you're ready and then taking a nap is probably best.

You’re a real funny guy! Women have a sense for direction, not time. While we’re at it, if Adam and Eve were Cajuns, they would’ve ate that snake instead of the apple & spared us all these problems !

An old friend once told me that there are five ways to absolutely assure that a woman is on time.

Four of them don't work and the fifth will likely get you murdered in your sleep.

There seems to be a general acceptance from both men and women that disregarding the others feelings is to be expected.
I don't believe this should be so.
Communicating your needs and how you feel is as important as what the other party does with that information. I couldn't expect my girl to read my mind so it's my job to talk with her about how punctuality is important to me. Not only for pragmatic reasons but also for my peace of mind.
She respects me and cares about me so she listens to me and remembers to be a good partner and mitigate anything that will cause her to fall behind schedule.
Likewise, she has talked with me about some things that make her uneasy or ways I can help her day be feng shui so I think of it as a joy to help her out in any way I can.
It doesn't have to be a battle to get along nor is it a chore to show love and respect.

Jesus. What planet are you guys on?

We got guys saying "Just lie to her, she'll never figure it out" and we have the "mutual respect" group and we've got a Dr. Phil episode playing right above this post.

I've got about 28 years living with a woman who is typical with regards to punctuality. Her mom is really bad about it.

The girl I lived with for three and a half years in the late 1980s was the same way. Girls I've dated were about the same.

You aren't going to change a woman's nature. It's just not going to happen. Isn't that what women are always accused of? Trying to change or "fix" men?

Take a nap, or jump in your personal time machine and ponder what life will be like if she dies before you. Just endure it. You don't think she notices when you wait patiently and don't push her or try to play games like "We have to be there yesterday"?

It used to bug me. Hell, sometimes, when I'd had all I could take, I go out to my truck, start it up and just sit there idling until she came out, and y'know, that created a terrific atmosphere for the drive.

Come on, fellas. Turn pro. Accept what you cannot change.

worked in an industry where 15 minutes early was late, so I am programmed in a way to be early or on time,

wife, has been late, has been early, just really depends,

she gets to work early, since it is quiet in the office and she can get stuff done,


she will be on time for Dr appts etc,

however , sometimes the rest is a struggle,

not that we have to be anywhere at a set time much (don't go to many movies in theaters, and no real set time for family events, ) I still have to remind here sometimes that to get to place A we need to leave the house at this time,

works, mostly,


and since I am no longer in that business, I have relaxed a bit, (but will not be late to meet a customer, infact I try to be a few minutes early)

Yeah, my wife will be late to her own funeral. It used to drive me up the fucking wall. Being mad changed absolutely nothing. She knows it pisses me off.

Now I just sit in a chair and wait until she is actually ready. If we’re late, we’re late. #zerofucks

quote:

Originally posted by parabellum:
Jesus. What planet are you guys on?

We got guys saying "Just lie to her, she'll never figure it out" and we have the "mutual respect" group and we've got a Dr. Phil episode playing right above this post.

I've got about 28 years living with a woman who is typical with regards to punctuality. Her mom is really bad about it.

The girl I lived with for three and a half years in the late 1980s was the same way. Girls I've dated were about the same.

You aren't going to change a woman's nature. It's just not going to happen. Isn't that what women are always accused of? Trying to change or "fix" men?

Take a nap, or jump in your personal time machine and ponder what life will be like if she dies before you. Just endure it. You don't think she notices when you wait patiently and don't push her or try to play games like "We have to be there yesterday"?

It used to bug me. Hell, sometimes, when I'd had all I could take, I go out to my truck, start it up and just sit there idling until she came out, and y'know, that created a terrific atmosphere for the drive.

Come on, fellas. Turn pro. Accept what you cannot change.

How much time do married men get where they aren't being bugged by their wives? It seems like a great opportunity to take a nap, read a book, play with the putting mat, eat food she'd nag you about, etc.

I can only speak for myself. It took me about 10 years of living with my wife before I realized getting angry or frustrated about it was not going to do any good; it made things worse.

My late father-in-law was a zen master of patient, stoic waiting. When I first met him and jokingly mentioned that his daughter took forever to get ready, he leaned over to me and said "You haven't seen anything. Just wait until her mother is getting ready.

And he was right. Glaciers move faster. Sedimentary rock forms in less time. Comets make complete orbital cycles.

So, ya see there? I'm relatively lucky.