It was not being late that bothered me. It was the pre-departure preparation ritual that was hard to endure.

quote:

Originally posted by Aglifter:
I've been seeing a lovely woman, but she's chronically late. Right now, I've asked that she just let me know when she's about 15 minutes from being ready to be picked up - her place is not far from mine.

Is there any known method to get a woman to be more sorted, or is this just one of those things I have to tolerate?

It's just something you -- er, um -- WE tolerate. There's a lot of good advice in this thread, but in my opinion you have a handle on it already. Asking her to let you know when she's ready puts the responsibility and control in her ballpark, without being harsh/mean/negative about it. While you wait, take a few of those minutes and remind yourself that she's lovely, and take great joy in that.

quote:

Originally posted by SIG4EVA:
Its extremely easy. Tell them to show up an hour earlier than the event.

Once you do that a couple of times, they get wind of it, and then they know you're lying to them.

How's that gonna work out for you?

quote:

Originally posted by mojojojo:
There was an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond that dealt with this. He set an AIS time - an "ass in seat" time. Give her the AIS time and when that time comes leave whether her ass is in the seat or not.

See if it works out better for you in real life than it did on a SitCom, and let us know.

I know it was a comedy, but when I saw that episode, I was cheering Ray on! I was thinking, "All right! Debra will either learn from this experience, or she'll forever be in the wrong." Then, Ray, being a weakling, chickened out and crawled back begging forgiveness for only keeping his end of the bargain.

Nevertheless, that episode showed that tardiness on the part of women is a universal thing.

This is not universally true. My wife and I make it a point to be ready when we say we will be and leave an event when we plan to. This has been true since we met over 30 years ago. Being late is disrespectful to all involved.

I think Brad Paisley did a video about this with a pretty famous actor.
"Waitin on a woman"

quote:

Originally posted by MNSIG:
This is not universally true. My wife and I make it a point to be ready when we say we will be and leave an event when we plan to. This has been true since we met over 30 years ago.

That's not what OP is asking. Everyone knows that there are women who are always on time. He's asking, for those who are always late, is there some way to get them to change their behavior. And the answer is, not bloody likely.

Today we have to be at the airport at 0900. We got up at 0430, it is now 0505. Airport 2+ hours away and we are leaving our house at 0600.

Will keep you posted

quote:

Originally posted by MelissaDallas:
Well, I am early to everything. My ex-husband was always late. Can we broaden the discussion?

Good to see a lady's perspective.
Lucky for me, my wife is usually ready on time.
Unfortunately, in getting ready on time, she often leaves a trail of messes and all the lights on, etc. It kind of pisses her off when I go around locking all the doors and turning off all the lights she left on while she's waiting to go.
But... I'll take it.

We generally agree on what time we should be leaving for some event.
I will walk out the door 5 minutes (approximately) ahead of time. I do this to get the car from the garage and be ready for her to walk up and get in. We often leave on time this way.
When we discuss departure times I call it “Rolling”. This means it is the time I would like us to be in the car and it is actually moving. Similarly, if I am home bound and texting her when I am actually moving, I might say “Rolling in 2” (minutes).

Being a US Navy veteran, we were not to be late to anything. We might have to wait when there, but we weren’t late.

Driving anywhere I try to give myself extra time. I never know if there will be road construction delays, accidents or if I might need to change my route for some strange reason. Additionally, as the bladder seems to shrink with advancing age, there are more frequent stops at the occasional gas station/quick mart.

I find no joy in rushing in at the last minute and having no time to settle, collect my thoughts and adjust to the coming event. Kind of the stress you might feel running to catch the train as it is rolling out - not pleasant.

I think Jethro Gibbs said it best on one of the episodes of NCIS - “If you’re not early, you’re late”.

quote:

Any way to encourage women to be on-time, for social events?

No


But when she says "Sorry WE were late" I let it be known it wasn't "WE"

It has helped some

I will tell her we need to leave 1/2 earlier than we need to.
I let her shower first get make up on, etc. I will get ready last to help my impatience. She ready by the time Im ready.

quote:

Originally posted by parabellum:

quote:

Originally posted by SIG4EVA:
Its extremely easy. Tell them to show up an hour earlier than the event.

Once you do that a couple of times, they get wind of it, and then they know you're lying to them.

How's that gonna work out for you?

It still works on my mom. Every time I give her the real time, she's late. She's early or on time with the hour rule.

quote:

Originally posted by MelissaDallas:
Well, I am early to everything. My ex-husband was always late. Can we broaden the discussion?

Same here. I'm never late. I'm always waiting on my husband.

As far as getting anyone who is chronically late to change, I'm doubtful there's a way. It's hard to get someone to change a long established habit.

And when you're finally in the car, the lady is still getting ready...those little mirrors keep them busy.

My girl is also one of those who cannot manage time to save her life.
I spoke with her about how punctuality is very important to me and one of the things I won't budge on. Since that conversation she has made it a priority to make sure she is ready when we need to go and hasn't made me late a single time.
Had she sincerely spoke to me about something as important to her I'd do the same.

I would view anything else as extremely disrespectful to your partner.

quote:

Originally posted by Aglifter:
Professionally, I've had to do the "15 minutes late, and I'm gone" thing a couple times.

It's always worked well.

I've been seeing a lovely woman, but she's chronically late. Right now, I've asked that she just let me know when she's about 15 minutes from being ready to be picked up - her place is not far from mine.

Is there any known method to get a woman to be more sorted, or is this just one of those things I have to tolerate?

While women are, in my experience, more prone to this, I have know a fair number of men who are also often late.

The thing that might really work would also cause a lot of other problems. Establish a mental cut-off for "too late." If the person exceeds that, go without them, or leave and stop waiting for them. They may learn. Or they may cut you out of their life. But maybe you'd be happier anyway.

You could sit down and say, "Being 15 minutes late is really upsetting to me. When that happens, I feel stressed and like you don't care about my feelings about this. Please stop doing that." I guess you should try this first, but I don't know that it will work.

My wife is chronically late as well - when she asks when we need to leave I always say 30 min before we actually do and I start my prep according to the actual leave time.

She knows she always runs late - I don't think it's a selfish thing for her - in fact I'd say it's the opposite. She just stuffs WAY to much into the time she has - often for other people or she gets distracted easily. She has gotten better throughout the years as I've commented that she's planning too much for one day, but she still tries to stuff 10lbs of shit into a 5lb day.

I was raised that if you're 10 min early - you're late. I plan for those unforeseen little delays (oh your car is running on E? huh never thought that'd happen). Oh you need to use the bathroom even though we left 10 min ago? Oh you're thirsty/hungry even though I asked if you wanted something before we walked out the door? Instead of being mad/frustrated, just plan for it and roll with it. It doesn't 'cost' me anything and the benefits of her not being stressed are well worth it.

There's always the Douglas Adams approach:

quote:

“Come,’ called the old man, ‘come now or you will be late.’
‘Late?’ said Arthur. ‘What for?’
‘What is your name, human?’
‘Dent. Arthur Dent,’ said Arthur.
‘Late, as in the late Dentarthurdent,’ said the old man, sternly. ‘It’s a sort of threat you see.”

Results likely to depend strongly on the significant other having a sense of humor.

Are we talking about grown women here?