quote:

Originally posted by vinnybass:
He hasn't checked in here since Tuesday evening. Anyone hear from him?

No. I have his number, but I’m not going to call him. He’s been offered a gift more valuable than anything he’s ever had, or been given. It’s his prerogative to pick up the phone and make some calls to save his life. It has to be him. Nobody chase this guy, no matter how much you want to help and no matter how much your care. I does not work that way.

When I went for an assessment at Lakeside-Milam, the lady who I talked to was very candid with me and didn’t pull any punches about what she saw. At the end of the appointment, she was on the phone with Kirkland in-patient and held her hand over the mouthpiece and said “they have a bed available, I can get you in there tomorrow morning. Will you go?” I did not want to go, I wanted to drink for a few more weeks. I winced, cringed, and groaned. One of the most shameful moments of my life, the decision to go to rehab or not. She pressed further and said “you have to decide right now: will you go, or not?” The with the the last part implied everything I’ve already told RH. I was on the spot, and I relented. She told me to drink as usual that night and the next morning until I walked in to the facility in Kirkland. I had a BAC of .28 and it was 11am. I was only a few hours into my normal drinking. I have a copy of my picture from intake. I used it as a bookmark in my AA big book, the basic text of our program. Every time I read, there’s the face of the man who nearly died looking back at me as a reminder of what it looks like when I drink. But I had to walk in there to have that picture taken. RH has to pick up the phone and dial some phone numbers.

I say again: nobody should call or email this man, no matter how much you care, no matter how much you want to help. The ball is in his court. It’s his decision or not to accept the help that’s been offered. The likeliest outcome is that we’re not going to hear from him again.

P220 Smudge,
Your story is compelling. You are right... it had to be your choice,

quote:

At the end of the appointment, she was on the phone with Kirkland in-patient and held her hand over the mouthpiece and said “they have a bed available, i can get your in there tomorrow morning. Will you go?” I did not want to go, I wanted to drink for a few more weeks. I winced, cringed, and groaned. One of the most shameful moments of my life, the decision to go to rehab or not. She pressed further and said “you have to decide right now: will you go, or not?”

You were confronted, “you have to decide right now: will you go, or not?”

That is slightly different than what you are suggesting here which is to wait to hear from him, to wait and see if he makes a move.

Would you have made a move if you weren't directly confronted that day with an immediate choice, yes or no?

I'm not suggesting that you should do anything further, I'm just pointing out the difference.

He logged into the forum a little over an hour ago. He was logged in yesterday, too.

I said earlier in this thread and I am saying again- this member does not want our help, at least not in the way we think of what would be most helpful in this situation. What he wants, is company while he slowly commits suicide.
I am telling you- he is not going to stop drinking, not going to stop taking depressants, not going to accept your kind offers of assistance and money, not going to get on a plane or a train or a bus to travel to a treatment facility.

I know the general nature of the people who inhabit this forum, because I built this place. I choose who gets removed and who gets to stay (if they so choose). I know how very good are the people who inhabit this forum. I know this as well as I know anything. I have witnessed it many times, as I am witnessing it now, so it's difficult for me to tell you that in this instance, you are wasting your time.

If I am wrong, rh can pipe up and tell us so.

Chellim, everyone comes to sobriety differently. In my case, there was a lot of lead up to that question, and I could have walked at any point after it was asked. Hell, I could’ve walked out of that facility after getting processed and placed in a room instead of staying for 28 days. People do it all the time.

The point is, help was offered, and just as much as I wanted to keep drinking,I wanted to quit. I couldn’t get drunk from the neck up anymore, and I couldn’t get sober. I couldn’t live with alcohol, and I couldn’t live without it. But I was ready to accept that my way wasn’t working, and I needed to try what people who’d gotten sober suggested. The willingness was there, because before that phone call was a conversation with my doctor that went something like “your liver is failing and if you don’t quit now, you are going to die, and soon.” My son was five years old at the time, and I didn’t want to do that to him. Radio commercials for Schick with “My daddy loved me, but he didn’t love me enough to quit” echoing in my mind for the year previous, trying every way I could think to quit. I wanted to quit. I don’t believe RH does. We can’t make him anything.

quote:

Originally posted by doublesharp:
If your tolerance is that high you are one strung out dude. You will either die from the massive mix or you will go thru a long dry out period that will super suck. No soft landings for you. Good luck.

You understand except for the part of everyone being out-of-network, including 911. The Federal government and I are spending $1,100 per month on insurance that doesn't work. I am supposed to call my "case manager" who works out of her home in Colorado.

I need to speak with my doctor again, but his staff is shielding him from me. It's a bad situation when his staff says "Why do you keep bothering him?"

Something medically happened to me medically, but I am drinking again. I still haven't eaten food or slept. My brain is just very slow.

Did you read my last post? Tell me I'm wrong.

At least Amy Winehouse could sing.

Sorry but that’s my view. I counseled alcoholics as a social worker in a early career and he’s almost certainly a dual diagnosis and it’s pretty clear his only interest is finishing the journey. He just wants to make us watch. Shut him off and at least there’s a chance that he’ll seek that attention in a manner or setting that will get him involuntarily committed.

Alternatively, has anyone familiar with the situation contacted whatever Adult Protective Services agency in his area? They may have a means to initiate a civil commitment.

It’s sad but there’s a lot that’s sad in life and you do what you can but not everything is fixable.

quote:

Originally posted by rh:
I need to speak with my doctor again, but his staff is shielding him from me. It's a bad situation when his staff says "Why do you keep bothering him?"

quote:

Originally posted by P210:
I counseled alcoholics as a social worker in a early career and he’s almost certainly a dual diagnosis[...].

These quotes really, for me, sum up the entire situation.

rh, you're logged into the forum right now. The courtesy of a reply would be appreciated.

quote:

Originally posted by parabellum:
rh, you're logged into the forum right now. The courtesy of a reply would be appreciated.

Yes, I've read your posts. You are pretty much correct, other than the part about me not wanting help. There is no help available. I've tried to explain the insurance problem. SIGforum can't finance my medical care.

My liver is OK, but not type II diabetes. I've been living off of energy bars, which are just glucose.

quote:

Originally posted by rh:
My liver is OK, but not type II diabetes.

You have cirrhosis. Your liver is most certainly NOT ok, dude. Ok, and your liver should be in the same sentence. They're not even in the same time zone. Cirrhosis mean liver bad, not liver ok.

I'm so stunned I can't even put a fucking sentence together.

The OP has esophageal varices, therefore, he has big time liver disease and dysfunction. The OP thinks/types he hasn't slept in 10 days.....total BS!! The sleep toxins kick in and the human body sleeps.......just like eating. The OP doesn't know the truth from his imagined "truth". Again, looking for sympathy from this forum.

quote:

Originally posted by P220 Smudge:
Chellim, everyone comes to sobriety differently. In my case, there was a lot of lead up to that question, and I could have walked at any point after it was asked. Hell, I could’ve walked out of that facility after getting processed and placed in a room instead of staying for 28 days. People do it all the time.

The point is, help was offered, and just as much as I wanted to keep drinking,I wanted to quit.

I get it. My wife quit 3 times and went through 2 programs before it took. She finally made the decision to give in and admit to herself that she was not in control. It's not easy.

quote:

Originally posted by P220 Smudge:

quote:

Originally posted by rh:
My liver is OK, but not type II diabetes.

You have cirrhosis. Your liver is most certainly NOT ok, dude. Ok, and your liver should be in the same sentence. They're not even in the same time zone. Cirrhosis mean liver bad, not liver ok.

I'm so stunned I can't even put a fucking sentence together.

Indeed. Been following this. I'll only chime in to say that somebody very close to me was in a very similar situation and money was a concern for him as well. When starkly presented as dead and debt free or alive and in debt...

Though the person I knew wanted to quit. It's been about two years now and he's doing well. It was serious enough that we took him to the ER and he stayed for two weeks. The entire first week was in the ICU, that's how serious it was. Same self medicating diabetes with insulin and heavy drinking.

I'll say that it's possible to come out of this rh, if you want to. You've been presented a door. If you don't want to that's your choice but stop fooling yourself into thinking you want to quit.

Anyways, I'm rambling a bit. This thread brings up some memories. I'll add that the intelligent college degreed person I knew made me the most proud when he'd been sober for over a gear and held down a basic retail job at a CVS.

Folks need to stop feeding this as it will only get you more and more frustrated. The OP will continue in these circles of always finding a reason not to seek help. You could offer him a million dollars, no questions asked, if he uses it to seek treatment and he'd say, "no, I can't take your money". It is just simply the way his brain is now wired, and there isn't anyone here who can change that no matter how much compassion and logic you use. It is a waste of time and energy.

It pains me to say that, but it is absolutely true. I've dealt with it, wasted three years of my life on the effort, and can say with absolute certainty that the best thing everyone can do for him and (more importantly yourselves) is just walk away.

Don't even open the thread.

Your forum Para but do you really think giving his inner demon a seat at your table while it poisons him is helping. Hard cases don’t give up until they hit bottom and a big part of that is losing all you friends and having nobody willing to listen to your bullshit. There’s a reason his doctors won’t entertain his nonsense anymore and it isn’t to hurt him.

That’s all I have to say on this thread but I ’d be great if his next post was in a month or so saying something like “I’m back, sober, and feeling better.”

quote:

Originally posted by P210:
Your forum Para but do you really think giving his inner demon a seat at your table while it poisons him is helping.

Neither you nor anyone else needs to tell me this is my forum. And don't you come at me with, essentially, "Do you know what you are doing?".

You'd better work on your approach, and you'd better think before you post. This is a difficult situation and the last thing I need is armchair quarterbacks giving me advice on how to do something I've been doing for two decades.

My step dad died from alcoholism. He was found dead alone in a motel room from bleeding out. My mother was an alcoholic and no matter what we did, back then we were able to detox people. All treatments never took until the entire family no longer supported her. She finally put herself in for long term treatment and kicked it. So I know what rh is going through. Alcoholism is a horrible.