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| Savor the limelight |
My 12 year old son just asked my what does amnesia mean? I told him I couldn’t remember. | |||
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| Shit don't mean shit |
Q: What kind of fish has 2 knees? A: A two-knee fish! A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm. Bartender asks why he has a dog. Guy says I got it for my wife. Bartender says, "Good trade!" Q: How many knees do you have? A: Uh, 2? I have 4...a left knee, a right knee, a hiney and a weenie! A guy walks into a bar. Out of his pocket jump a 12" tall guy. He runs over to the piano and starts playing. The bartender asks whats up. Guy says, "I got it from my magic lamp". Bartender says, "Oh yeah, can I see the magic lamp"? Guy says, "Sure". He pulls out the magic lamp and the bartender rubs it. Out pops a genie who says, "Your wish is my command". Bartender says he wants a million bucks. Poof, the room is suddenly filled with a million ducks! Bartender says, "What the hell. I asked for a million BUCKS, not a million DUCKS"! Guy says, "How do you think I feel. I wound up with a 12" pianist"!  | |||
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Wait, what? |
What did the janitor yell when he jumped out of the storeroom? Supplies! “Remember to get vaccinated or a vaccinated person might get sick from a virus they got vaccinated against because you’re not vaccinated.” - author unknown | |||
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Member |
What’s the difference between a women’s track team and a tribe of pigmies? One is a bunch of cunning runts. ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ | |||
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Drug Dealer |
Q: How is lite beer like making love in a canoe? A: It's fucking close to water. When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. - George Bernard Shaw | |||
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Member |
Ok... I've had enough. Booo ! Boooo !! Lover of the US Constitution Wile E. Coyote School of DIY Disaster | |||
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| His diet consists of black coffee, and sarcasm.  |
The Energizer Bunny was arrested, and charged with battery. | |||
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| Savor the limelight |
I just asked my 16 yo to go in the garage and grab my speed square. He asked, "What’s a speed square?" I replied, "It’s a blazing fast orange triangle.” He knew exactly what I was talking about. | |||
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| Savor the limelight |
In the hotel room getting ready for the big day at Cedar Point and my 15yo daughter asked me if I could flip off the light. | |||
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| Savor the limelight |
From my youngest son: If you watch Jaws backwards, the shark is benevolent creature that gives arms and legs to handicapped people. | |||
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| Live for today. Tomorrow will cost more  |
 suaviter in modo, fortiter in re | |||
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Shaman |
What did one bacteria say to the other after getting trapped in a filter? Well that's another fine mesh you've gotten us into...  He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. | |||
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Raptorman |
You know French Fries are never fried in France? They're fried in grease. ____________________________ Eeewwww, don't touch it! Here, poke at it with this stick. | |||
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Drill Here, Drill Now |
 Ego is the anesthesia that deadens the pain of stupidity DISCLAIMER: These are the author's own personal views and do not represent the views of the author's employer. | |||
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| Keeping the economy moving since 1964 |
I used to think beer made you smarter, but it definitely didn't make Budweiser. ----------------------- You can't fall off the floor. | |||
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| Savor the limelight |
Um, from page 3:
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| Keeping the economy moving since 1964 |
I dun job jabbed meself! Sorry. The mind is the first thing to go. ----------------------- You can't fall off the floor. | |||
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Member |
A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Hey buddy…why the long face?” "If you’re a leader, you lead the way. Not just on the easy ones; you take the tough ones too…” – MAJ Richard D. Winters (1918-2011), E Company, 2nd Battalion, 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 101st Airborne "Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil... Therefore, as tongues of fire lick up straw and as dry grass sinks down in the flames, so their roots will decay and their flowers blow away like dust; for they have rejected the law of the Lord Almighty and spurned the word of the Holy One of Israel." - Isaiah 5:20,24 | |||
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| Member |
What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? The taste. | |||
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Repressed |
Bigfoot often gets mistaken for Sasquatch, yeti never complains! -ShneaSIG Oh, by the way, which one's "Pink?" | |||
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