SIGforum
We could use a thread for groaners, puns, and dad jokes...
May 30, 2023, 07:00 PM
trapper189We could use a thread for groaners, puns, and dad jokes...
My 12 year old son just asked my what does amnesia mean? I told him I couldn’t remember.
May 30, 2023, 09:55 PM
1967GoatQ: What kind of fish has 2 knees?
A: A two-knee fish!
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm. Bartender asks why he has a dog. Guy says I got it for my wife. Bartender says, "Good trade!"
Q: How many knees do you have?
A: Uh, 2?
I have 4...a left knee, a right knee, a hiney and a weenie!
A guy walks into a bar. Out of his pocket jump a 12" tall guy. He runs over to the piano and starts playing. The bartender asks whats up. Guy says, "I got it from my magic lamp". Bartender says, "Oh yeah, can I see the magic lamp"? Guy says, "Sure". He pulls out the magic lamp and the bartender rubs it. Out pops a genie who says, "Your wish is my command".
Bartender says he wants a million bucks. Poof, the room is suddenly filled with a million ducks!
Bartender says, "What the hell. I asked for a million BUCKS, not a million DUCKS"!
Guy says, "How do you think I feel. I wound up with a 12" pianist"!
May 30, 2023, 10:02 PM
gearhoundsWhat did the janitor yell when he jumped out of the storeroom?
Supplies!
“Remember to get vaccinated or a vaccinated person might get sick from a virus they got vaccinated against because you’re not vaccinated.” - author unknown May 31, 2023, 11:54 AM
OzarkwoodsWhat’s the difference between a women’s track team and a tribe of pigmies?
One is a bunch of cunning runts.
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
May 31, 2023, 04:14 PM
Jim ShugartQ: How is lite beer like making love in a canoe?
A: It's fucking close to water.
When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. - George Bernard Shaw
May 31, 2023, 04:24 PM
wrightdquote:
Originally posted by Jim Shugart:
Q: How is lite beer like making love in a canoe?
A: It's fucking close to water.
Ok... I've had enough. Booo ! Boooo !!
Lover of the US Constitution
Wile E. Coyote School of DIY Disaster May 31, 2023, 05:23 PM
egregoreThe Energizer Bunny was arrested, and charged with battery.
May 31, 2023, 05:29 PM
trapper189I just asked my 16 yo to go in the garage and grab my speed square. He asked, "What’s a speed square?" I replied, "It’s a blazing fast orange triangle.” He knew exactly what I was talking about.
June 04, 2023, 08:14 PM
trapper189In the hotel room getting ready for the big day at Cedar Point and my 15yo daughter asked me if I could flip off the light.
June 17, 2023, 02:35 PM
trapper189From my youngest son:
If you watch Jaws backwards, the shark is benevolent creature that gives arms and legs to handicapped people.
June 17, 2023, 06:42 PM
motor59
suaviter in modo, fortiter in re
June 18, 2023, 10:39 AM
ScreamingCockatooWhat did one bacteria say to the other after getting trapped in a filter?
Well that's another fine mesh you've gotten us into...
He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster.
June 18, 2023, 10:52 AM
Mars_AttacksYou know French Fries are never fried in France?
They're fried in grease.
____________________________
Eeewwww, don't touch it!
Here, poke at it with this stick.
June 18, 2023, 10:57 AM
tatortodd
Ego is the anesthesia that deadens the pain of stupidity
DISCLAIMER: These are the author's own personal views and do not represent the views of the author's employer. June 18, 2023, 11:54 AM
chbibcI used to think beer made you smarter, but it definitely didn't make Budweiser.
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You can't fall off the floor.
June 18, 2023, 06:59 PM
trapper189quote:
Originally posted by chbibc:
I used to think beer made you smarter, but it definitely didn't make Budweiser.
Um, from page 3:
quote:
Originally posted by chbibc:
Beer makes ya smart. It made Bud wiser!
June 18, 2023, 08:49 PM
chbibcquote:
Originally posted by trapper189:
quote:
Originally posted by chbibc:
I used to think beer made you smarter, but it definitely didn't make Budweiser.
Um, from page 3:
quote:
Originally posted by chbibc:
Beer makes ya smart. It made Bud wiser!
I dun job jabbed meself! Sorry. The mind is the first thing to go.
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You can't fall off the floor.
June 18, 2023, 10:03 PM
erj_pilotA horse walks into a bar.
Bartender says, “Hey buddy…why the long face?”
"If you’re a leader, you lead the way. Not just on the easy ones; you take the tough ones too…” – MAJ Richard D. Winters (1918-2011), E Company, 2nd Battalion, 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 101st Airborne
"Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil... Therefore, as tongues of fire lick up straw and as dry grass sinks down in the flames, so their roots will decay and their flowers blow away like dust; for they have rejected the law of the Lord Almighty and spurned the word of the Holy One of Israel." - Isaiah 5:20,24 June 18, 2023, 10:08 PM
PKFanWhat's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.
June 19, 2023, 09:12 AM
ShneaSIGBigfoot often gets mistaken for Sasquatch, yeti never complains!
-ShneaSIG
Oh, by the way, which one's "Pink?"