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Two Irishmen walk into a bar. | |||
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Assault Accountant |
Q: Why does the hard boil egg win every race? . . . . . They're hard to beat! __________________ Member NRA Member NYSRPA | |||
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Member |
Why do cowboys all have the same size balls? . . . . . . So they can pull each other's trailers. Demand not that events should happen as you wish; but wish them to happen as they do happen, and you will go on well. -Epictetus | |||
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The Unmanned Writer |
Well that's a real stinker. Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. "If dogs don't go to Heaven, I want to go where they go" Will Rogers The definition of the words we used, carry a meaning of their own... | |||
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| His diet consists of black coffee, and sarcasm.  |
Why do the Swedish, Norwegian and Danish navies put bar codes on their ships? So when a ship comes into port, they can Scandinavian. A clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester. A rope walked into a bar and ordered a drink. The bartender said, "We don't serve ropes here." So the rope left, unraveled himself, went back in and ordered a drink again. The bartender said, "Say, aren't you a rope?" "No, I'm a frayed knot." | |||
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| Purveyor of Fine Avatars  |
I hate it when guys say a woman belongs in the kitchen. How is she going to clean the rest of the house from there? "I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet raised to an alarming extent by Hollywood and Madison Avenue, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak!" - Calvin, "Calvin & Hobbes" | |||
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| Dances With Tornados |
^^^^ Why don't Cannibals eat Clowns? Because they taste funny. (I'll let myself out) . | |||
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Member |
I did some mechanical work today. I put a rear end in a recliner. _____________________ Be careful what you tolerate. You are teaching people how to treat you. | |||
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Hot Fuzz |
I bought a really nice belt last week. Cost me $100. Tried it on today. Too small. I already threw away the receipt, so I can't return it. Huge waist. Hater of fun since 2001! | |||
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| Member |
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it. No one's life, liberty or property is safe while the legislature is in session.- Mark Twain | |||
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MAGA |
Knock Knock, Who's there? Boo. Boo Who? You don't have to cry about it! _____________________ | |||
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| Member |
A man took a winter vacation to New York City and checked into a large hotel. Unfortunately, he quickly found that he was staying at the facility that was hosting the National Chess Championships that year. Everywhere he went, the lobby was filled with games and with people bragging about their incredible wins and brilliant moves. Finally he could take it no longer and he went to the front desk and demanded to check out. "But, Sir," protested the clerk, "you prepaid for a whole week. Why are you leaving?" "Because," said the man, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer..." | |||
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| Caught in a loop |
I need a stepladder. My real ladder abandoned me when I was very young. Poop jokes aren't my favorite, but they're a solid #2. Autopsy club meeting Saturday - it's open Mike night. "In order to understand recursion, you must first learn the principle of recursion." | |||
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| Member |
What sounds do porcupines make when having sex? Ouch, ouch, ouch.... Let all Men know thee, but no man know thee thoroughly: Men freely ford that see the shallows. Benjamin Franklin | |||
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| His diet consists of black coffee, and sarcasm. |
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback. | |||
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Optimistic Cynic |
You're still being ripped off! | |||
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| Caught in a loop |
Man, you're just on a tear here. What kind of cell phone does an Italian chef carry? Gnocchi-a. I've been called a dad without kids. That makes me a faux pa. "In order to understand recursion, you must first learn the principle of recursion." | |||
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| Just Hanging Around |
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French kitchen? Linoleum blown apart. | |||
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| Member |
Did y'all hear about the dyslexic bank robber? "Everybody put your sticking hands in the air! This is a fuck up!" | |||
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Legalize the Constitution |
There are three kinds of people in this world: those who can count, and those who can’t. _______________________________________________________ despite them | |||
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