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We could use a thread for groaners, puns, and dad jokes... Login/Join 
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5/4ths of people can't do math.....
Guy in an electric car asked me for directions,
I sent him down a dead end street because there's no outlet...


Welcome to my home, that door you just kicked in, was locked for your protection, not mine.
 
Posts: 79 | Location: South St. Louis | Registered: November 02, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of ruger357
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Why did the man fall into the well?
He couldn’t see that well.


-----------------------------------------

Roll Tide!

Glock Certified Armorer
NRA Certified Firearms Instructor
 
Posts: 7935 | Location: Hoover, AL | Registered: November 06, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Keeping the economy moving since 1964
Picture of chbibc
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A blind carpenter picked up his hammer and saw.


-----------------------
You can't fall off the floor.
 
Posts: 8513 | Location: Rochester, NY behind enemy lines | Registered: March 12, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn't matter, he won't come anyway.
 
Posts: 563 | Location: Wyoming | Registered: February 26, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Keeping the economy moving since 1964
Picture of chbibc
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quote:
Originally posted by Inusuit:
What do you call a dog with no legs?


Mat!


-----------------------
You can't fall off the floor.
 
Posts: 8513 | Location: Rochester, NY behind enemy lines | Registered: March 12, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
The 2nd guarantees the 1st
Picture of fiasconva
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Did you hear about the group of dyslexic devil worshippers that dedicated their lives to Santa?



"Even if the world were perfect it wouldn't be." ... Yogi Berra
 
Posts: 1857 | Location: York County, VA | Registered: August 25, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
His diet consists of black
coffee, and sarcasm.
Picture of egregore
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Valentines Day is coming soon. Be sure to have your heart on.
 
Posts: 27835 | Location: Johnson City/Elizabethton, TN | Registered: April 28, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
King Nothing
Picture of SigSauerP226
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What kind of bees make milk?
Boobees!




...Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel, is just a freight train coming your way...
 
Posts: 2433 | Location: Simi Valley, CA | Registered: September 25, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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My friends and I formed a band and we call it "Duvet". It's a cover band.
 
Posts: 698 | Registered: February 24, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of Captain Morgan
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I made coffee the other day. I couldn't find my coffee cup, I think I was mugged.



Let all Men know thee, but no man know thee thoroughly: Men freely ford that see the shallows.
Benjamin Franklin
 
Posts: 3858 | Location: Sparta, NJ USA | Registered: August 16, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of Captain Morgan
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I never believed in chiropractors till I saw one the other day.
Now I stand corrected.



Let all Men know thee, but no man know thee thoroughly: Men freely ford that see the shallows.
Benjamin Franklin
 
Posts: 3858 | Location: Sparta, NJ USA | Registered: August 16, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
E Plebmnista; Norcom, Forcom, Perfectumum.
Picture of OneWheelDrive
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Did you hear about the cheating Cheetah?

She was never caught.


================================================
Ultron: "You're unbearably naive."
Vision: "Well, I was born yesterday."
 
Posts: 4779 | Location: St. Louis, Mo | Registered: March 23, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
E Plebmnista; Norcom, Forcom, Perfectumum.
Picture of OneWheelDrive
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Have you ever done a sex act with a Smurf?

It was once, in a blue moon.


================================================
Ultron: "You're unbearably naive."
Vision: "Well, I was born yesterday."
 
Posts: 4779 | Location: St. Louis, Mo | Registered: March 23, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
 
Posts: 546 | Location: S Fla / Western NC High Country | Registered: May 03, 2015Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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quote:
Originally posted by ShneaSIG:
Earl and A.C. go out huntin' one afternoon. A.C. hasn't been feeling too great, but he thinks he'll be all right because Earl recently got himself one of them newfangled fruit phones that can make calls anywhere. About halfway along the walk to the hunting blind, A.C. groans and collapses in a heap. Earl eventually gets his newfangled fruit phone to dial "911" - this is the recording:

911 Operator: 911, what is your emergency?

Earl: My buddy just collapsed! He's dead!

911 Operator: He's dead? Are you certain? Can you make sure he's dead?

*BANG* *BANG*

Earl: Ok, now what?



Earl and AC decide to go hunting. As they drove into the woods they saw a sign that said Bear Left. So they went home.
 
Posts: 546 | Location: S Fla / Western NC High Country | Registered: May 03, 2015Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Shaman
Picture of ScreamingCockatoo
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How do you make a white pony pink?


Use horse reddish.





He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster.
 
Posts: 39716 | Location: Atop the cockatoo tree | Registered: July 27, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Chilihead and Barbeque Aficionado
Picture of 2Adefender
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Why does a dog lick his balls?

Because he can.


_________________________
2nd Amendment Defender

The Second Amendment is not about hunting or sport shooting.
 
Posts: 10487 | Location: FL | Registered: December 29, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you. Don't bother coming after me.”

Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.

After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom.

She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note.

After a few minutes, he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone.

"She's finally gone...yeah I know, about bloody time, I'm coming to see you, put on that sexy French nightie.

I love you...can't wait to see you...we'll do all the naughty things you like."

He hung up, grabbed his keys and left.

She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed.

Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote...

"I can see your feet. We're outta bread. Back in five minutes."




God bless America.
 
Posts: 13427 | Location: The mountainous part of Hokie Nation! | Registered: July 15, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two-foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says, 'I suppose you won't be needing a drink'. Naked lady says...
 
Posts: 904 | Registered: July 14, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Shaman
Picture of ScreamingCockatoo
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Sausage fractals
Mandelbratwurst





He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster.
 
Posts: 39716 | Location: Atop the cockatoo tree | Registered: July 27, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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