I wanted to wait for Thanksgiving to be over to say anything.

Tabitha has cancer.

We've known for weeks. In October, from advice of her GP, she went to her first ever breast exam at 55 years old and the film showed "something". They schedule her for biopsy immediately. I mean immediately. This was October 30. Tuesday October 31 she has the biopsy.

They will tell her results by Friday. I tend her wounds. She is now extremely worried.

Friday comes, no word. She keeps calling all day long hoping for a negative. They tell her Monday. She is now frightened and won't leave her room.

Monday comes, no word. She calls and they tell her Wednesday.

Wednesday the doctor calls and says it's cancer, she has an appointment for the oncologist in two weeks. Yeah, TWO WEEKS to find out what it is and what can be done. Tabitha has been apoplectic. The true meaning of panicked apoplectic. Day and night.

FINALLY we go to the oncologist's office on November 20 and they take her alone to speak with her, she understands nothing.

Then we meet with the surgeon. She speaks in terms Tabs can't understand, but I do. Tabs is hoping for a lumpectomy an be done with follow hormonal suppression pills.

What I heard was she has invasive tube cells in the ducts with calcified nodules with cells 7cm long. The other area is 1cm.

Mastectomy will be the only treatment. However with a complete removal, they will get the cancer and no chemo or radiation will be necessary if the sentinel lymph nodes are clear. Surgeon says plastic surgery reconstruction will be done at the time of surgery. Non surgical is completely off the table.

Tabitha goes full blown unhinged in front of the surgeon to the point nobody can hear. I'm sure she's seen this before.

Surgery can't be done before late December to early January. Cancer don't take time off for holidays.

Tabitha hasn't left her room. Not even to play with her bird who has been crying for her all day long for a week now.

Doctors will give her NOTHING for the depression or anxiety, other than counseling that can't happen for weeks.

TO make her feel better, I drove for hours to go get her other son and brought him home for Thanksgiving and her birthday. She was elated over that, but still hides in her room in the morning and evening crying uncontrollably.

His wife has come to get him today and I'm taking us all out to eat at a steakhouse tonight.

I have no idea what tomorrow brings, but the surgeon said she is confident the surgery will solve this. She got lucky, skin of the teeth lucky.

Prayers for Tabitha, and guidance for the surgeon.

BTDT, brother! My Girlfriend had breast cancer 15 years ago, surgery, radiation treatment, bankruptcy, you name it; but here she is, still alive after all these years.

You can thank your lucky stars they are saying no radiation or chemo after surgery! My GF received radiation treatment and is now suffering from advanced COPD. It's pure hell.

We didn't go through the intense emotional reaction Tabitha is experiencing, but all I can say to comfort her is that THIS IS SURVIVABLE!!!

Hopefully she will get treatment at least as good as my GF did, and after 15 more years of development I would hope this her case.

Stay strong, lean on us when you need to.

quote:

Doctors will give her NOTHING for the depression or anxiety, other than counseling that can't happen for weeks.

^^^^^^^^^^^^
You typically don't need a referral to see a psychologist. Call around on Monday. Hospitals often have breast cancer support groups. Call the information number or ask the oncologist for some names. It helps to speak with others who have survived breast cancer.

BTDT as well. Chemo is a beast, and “chemo brain” is a thing years later. But, it has been years later, for which I am thankful.

It is a heavy emotional load. Your boobs tried to kill you, after all. I went to all appointments, and never left her side for any of them. We tackled all the things together, and I was lucky enough to have an employer that was understanding enough to let me handle the things. But even then, the best thing was her talking to other survivors. You love, and do all you can, but you can’t know. Find some survivors would be my best wish for you.

Our surgeon was at Breast Care Specialists at Northside. She was excellent the whole way. The oncologist and radiologist were well known to her and they all worked together seamlessly.

Give Tabitha my best wishes, and that I will pray for her and you both, to have a measure of peace.

You have my best wishes. Lost someone close to me to breast cancer.

May God grant you both peace and comfort in your time of need.

Tabitha told me her fear is that since she survived a statistically unsurvivable stroke, that all her second chances are up. She had a whopping 10% chance and did.

It left her maimed, but alive.

Now the universe decides to hand her yet another cruel joke while it laughs as others enjoy health and extreme "blessings".

We live in a 100+ year old farm house surrounded by $750,000+ homes where people don't seem to have a care in the world.

She thinks the universe loves them for some reason and showers them with luxury and has sentenced her to misery. She doesn't understand why. She paid her pound of flesh, but she has always been treated like she's worthless because of what happened to her. Now the universe wants to punish her even more while laughing for being a cripple and not good enough.

It's very hard to watch her extreme sorrow.

I'm so sorry to hear this. Prayers sent for Tabitha, and for you my friend.

The fact of her beating odds before is proof that that does happen. It's understandable that she is down and so, is pessimistic. I would say as long as you are there for her, eyes up and open, strong and steadfast. She will take comfort from the knowledge that she can always rely on you.

I'm very sorry to hear this. I wish the very best for Tabitha; I hope that the planned treatment is smooth and recovery and prognosis are better than could be hoped for.

This too, shall pass.

I've handled worse. Much, much worse.

Prayers work wonders - both in healing and in comfort. May our gracious Heavenly Father grant you peace.

Here’s the lyrics of a song we sing in our barbershop quartet

I Believe

I believe above the storm the smallest prayer will still be heard
I believe that Someone in the great somewhere hears every word
Every time I hear a newborn baby cry or touch a leaf or see the sky
Then I know why —- I believe

Fuck cancer. I hope she lets her little bird help comfort her..and I hope the surgery goes as smoothly as possible. I’d be pretty thankful not to have to do chemo, but I, too, don’t understand why the wait.
My best wishes to you both.

quote:

Tabitha hasn't left her room. Not even to play with her bird who has been crying for her all day long for a week now.

I've deleted 3 responses so I'll just say Tabitha has invisible people thinking of and praying for her.
Also for you, Mars, as you try to help shoulder the burden.

^^^^^^
This bothered me, too, but I couldn't think of a way to respond.

My first point is that her bird, like all pets devoted to us, think they're being ignored or that they've done something wrong. It's lonely and confused.

Secondly, we all know how much comfort we get from them. Tabitha should try to gain comfort from it, that'll help her as well.

Third, can you arrange grief counseling for her, sooner than she's been told? Maybe a pastor she trusts. It would help her cope, I'm sure.

My girlfriend asked me why I could cry for Tabitha when I didn't cry for her, I told her the truth, that I had to be strong in front of her, that I hid my tears when she was going through her cancer. I guess it just all came out today.

Stay strong, Marzy! We're all praying for both of you.

Prayers to you and Tabitha for peace through this ordeal. Found out last week the my BIL has stage four bone cancer and is prognosis is much worse.

quote:

Originally posted by ajensen:
Found out last week the my BIL has stage four bone cancer and is prognosis is much worse.

Damn. Just damn. Lost my grandmother to bone cancer. It started as cervical.

I got Tab's kids together yesterday and Michael, her youngest took us all out to birthday dinner. (I let him use it as his rent for the month)

Tabs got her bird and passed him around out on the porch here. Pippin was happy meeting her kids. He got lovins overload.

I got to watch her be happy. They haven't been together for years like this.

And yes I am facing the be strong for the family dilemma. I have been accused of not caring because I am not folded up in the fetal position at her feet. I've had enough psychology to understand that a corned, wounded animal will snap at and lash out.

I hope when this ordeal is over (it's never really over) she will look back at how much I have done and sacrificed to make her happy.

Wow. Sorry to hear that. Give our thoughts and prayers to Tabath as well.

I also had a long reply drafted, then backspaced.

Much shorter version: Thoughts are with you both. I've been where you are (my wife finished chemo and radiation earlier this year, my sister three years ago, a cousin four years ago and again this year, and the list goes on.)

Know that the "state of the science" now compared to even a decade or two ago is like comparing the current space program to the Wright Brothers. Outcomes are getting progressively better. This won't likely be much/any comfort to Tabitha, but your being calm and positive probably will. It's a team sport. That's overused to the point of being a t-shirt slogan, but it's true.

Recommendation for you, not so much her: Quickly find-- if you don't already have one-- a non-destructive outlet for burning stress and frustration. As a man, you're programmed to be a "fixer" and protector, but you'll be a supportive spectator for much of this; that can do a number on you if you don't have a plan.