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Member |
My MiL just finished treatment. Finally just had a double mastectomy and a brief course of radiation. I can sympathize with your situation. Being strong for her means accepting the bad moods and being attacked. She’s not really mad at you, it’s a primal reaction to the fear of death. You’re a tough guy and you’ll both make it. As has been mentioned already, this is your sounding board and we’re here for you. Blow off as much frustration as you need cause bottling it up will only cause you mental and possibly physical issues. Take care friend | |||
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| and this little pig said: |
My best wishes to both of you. While Tabitha will go through the physical & mental portions of battling cancer, you will also go through difficult and different mental conditions. You will need to be the positive to her negative, as hard as that will be! Good luck to you both, Mars!!! | |||
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Member |
Best wishes for your wife. I have two female friends, one I went to HS with and the other is an EMT in the town where I work. Both had to have double mastectomy. Both are doing okay now. Cancer sucks. I’ve been dealing with my own cancer issues the last 3 years. Steve "The Marines I have seen around the world have, the cleanest bodies, the filthiest minds, the highest morale, and the lowest morals of any group of animals I have ever seen. Thank God for the United States Marine Corps." Eleanor Roosevelt, 1945 | |||
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A Grateful American |
It is most important, that even if she does not realize this because of all the challenges she faces and the anguish, that you know it for yourself. It is not selfish, it is healthy. "the meaning of life, is to give life meaning" ✡ Ani Yehudi אני יהודי Le'olam lo shuv לעולם לא שוב! | |||
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| Member |
Sigmonkey is right! I know that even this far after my GF's battle, she still doesn't understand everything that happened, how I helped and supported her, even through some ill-advised decisions she made that I couldn't talk her out of. I know what I did right, what I did wrong, I just have to live with that. -------------------------- Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. -- H L Mencken I always prefer reality when I can figure out what it is. -- JALLEN 10/18/18 | |||
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| Member |
I am praying for successful treatment and recovery. I am facing my own cancer battle and I am so thankful for everything my wife is doing, more than I ever thought anyone would need to do for me. Tomorrow morning, I am having a cardiac ablation (cryoablation). Fun times. | |||
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His Royal Hiney |
It's tough when the whole world seems to be closing in on you. I'll be praying for her and you. "It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life – daily and hourly. Our answer must consist not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual." Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning, 1946. | |||
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Member |
Sorry bud. I'm sure it's super tough beyond words. For everyone... Thoughts with you guys. Train how you intend to Fight Remember - Training is not sparring. Sparring is not fighting. Fighting is not combat. | |||
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Raptorman |
The psychological care has called twice this afternoon. The SOONEST they can get her in is mid February. Two months AFTER the surgery. Not only is she frightened, now she is pissed. Flashback to Thursday...... I drove for hours to go get her other son for Thanksgiving, we had TGD with his inlaws and his wife had us take him back home with us. He stayed through Saturday. THIS made her visibly happy. She introduced Pippin to Drew and Pippin took right to him. That thrilled her. They sat together on our front porch in the nice weather and had Pippin hop between them for attention after catching up since not seeing him for a few years. They live in Winston-Salem. Her parents are in extreme North East GA, near the border of South Carolina. The absolute best birthday present I could have ever given her. We have the same birthday. She DID go to bed early, leaving he and I to our own devices while taking care of Pippin. We watched irreverent comedy shows and I got to watch the new Guardians with him. He's a good young man. He's like a big puppy. She was sleeping late (see all day) when I rousted her to spend time with her son. His wife called and said keep him another day. Even better news. I knew she would go off and sleep early, but we could roust her early to see her son. Other son who lives with us works nights and offered to take us all to dinner Saturday night (I will consider this rent). He has had trouble sleeping since the news, having both her boys together in 15 or so years will just be icing on the cake for her. Made her very happy. Took her mind off things for a few hours. ____________________________ Eeewwww, don't touch it! Here, poke at it with this stick. | |||
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| Member |
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Well that sucks. THe doc should have a cancellation or two. Ask to be put on that list. Are you restricted in terms of network psychologists? | |||
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Member |
Very tough situation for you. Typical work up for breast cancer is: abnormal mammogram --> needle biopsy. determine cancer type: DCIS (ductal) vs Lobular determine receptor status-estrogen, progesterone, HER schedule MRI to determine if there is further disease schedule surgery--determine if sentinal node is involved Unclear how they jumped to mastectomy--no radiation, no hormonal therapy. Availiable to discuss this diagnosis. | |||
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| Raptorman |
The surgeon said it is estrogen positive DCIS, however there's also a 7cm tube cell calcium nodules string. She said she will take the sentinel node during the mastectomy. I think it's more advanced than she's letting on. ____________________________ Eeewwww, don't touch it! Here, poke at it with this stick. | |||
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| Member |
Prayers for you and her Mars. Being the caretaker and SO of anyone with cancer is tough. I hope her oncology team gets everything and you can all move on with this crummy time in the rear view. My wife has been dealing with Multiple Myeloma for going on 6 years now. She was just shy of 35 when diagnosed. The treatments, infusions, transplants, tests, and such, particularly through the COVID years, have tested our marriage and family more than we ever imagined when we said “I Do.” For what it is worth, just take the harshness and pain she dishes at you. It isn’t personal, but for all the anger you may feel for not being able to directly help get that crap out of her she is feeling exponentially angrier at a situation she didn’t ask for. Everyone vents differently… | |||
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| Member |
Mars: 1 cm DCIS with ER + would best be handled with lumpectomy and hormone therapy (Tamoxifen or Arumidex). Taking into account Tab's stroke-- the 7 cm calcifications may be just that-- a calcified mammary artery. I am only getting bits and pieces of the story. I do not want to intrude but feel someone needs to review Tab's medical history. MRI is missing in the diagnostic work up. | |||
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| Raptorman |
Oh they aren't telling her anything. They just want to do the mastectomy and reconstruction. I can't even get my hands on the pathology report. We have an appointment with the plastic surgeon on the 11th. Believe me I want to see the report and films. I want them to put them on her medical app. They aren't there. Please don't feel like you are intruding. You are the most help I've had yet. The genetics came back all negative for multiple markers. ____________________________ Eeewwww, don't touch it! Here, poke at it with this stick. | |||
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| Member |
Tab's medical records should be available immediately per the Federal Cures Act. There is NO waiting period. A conversation offline would be better than posting online. | |||
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| Just because you can, doesn't mean you should |
Learn as much as you can about the specific type of cancer and don't be shy about talking to other doctors in the field, a second opinion, as that's something they should expect and encourage. See if there are support groups, something like a Sigforum for this type of cancer. They exist for most diseases. Communication with others in the same situation can be comforting and provide a lot of good information on resources, care and what to expect. Not all doctors are created equal and you want to be sure to get the best one for this exact type. Not just who the first doctors refers you to. The more you can learn on your own, the better questions you can ask. Once enough time has passed to let the initial emotions pass, gain more knowledge so she can have more control of the situation and it may help focus her thoughts away from the initial panic and into a more constructive use. Hate to hear this but it sounds like her options are good and a good outcome within reach. ___________________________ Avoid buying ChiCom/CCP products whenever possible. | |||
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| Member |
My ex-wife had breast cancer. Look very carefully at your wife's reconstruction options. There are several, and each has pros and cons. Hospitals/insurance will try to push her to what they want to pay for and not necessarily what option is best for her. My ex went to the Mayo and got all the work done in one operation, well several at the sametime. We had a mega fight with the health insurance company. They didn't want to pay and after much hassle they did. If we had gone with thier plan she would have been down with surgeries for over a year. Mayo had her out of commission for three weeks and she returned to work very shortly after. I could say more, but you get the point. Vince | |||
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Chilihead and Barbeque Aficionado |
I’m sorry to hear of Tabitha’s health challenges. Elizabeth Steinhaus, MD is awesome, if you can get in to see her. Possibly the best breast surgeon in ATL. _________________________ 2nd Amendment Defender The Second Amendment is not about hunting or sport shooting. | |||
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| Member |
First, I wish you all the best. Second, I’m in the same boat with my wife, except it’s thyroid and has spread to the lymphatic system. The doctors she has are, for a lack of better descriptions, O2 stealing assholes. A very good friend of ours sent us his Oncologists contact numbers. My wife just talked to them yesterday and will hopefully be seeing them in Philly for a second opinion. Thanksgiving wasn’t a great day for us as she was in emergency surgery due to endometrial hemorrhaging. 3 units of blood, 2 iron transfusions, and a blown out vein with infection due to the catheter. I’ve struggled with religion and my faith over the years from the death of our son and now with my wife. I do believe that the man upstairs has a plan for my wife. I just hope it includes us growing old together. If you need a shoulder or an ear, I’m here for you. You can email me and I’ll give you my number. I don’t know you from anything, but we’re all humans and sometimes all it takes is someone to talk to.
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