all i can say is be careful who you marry

We divide ours 50/50 thus:

I make it, she spends it!

/I don't understand marriages where there's "his" money and "her" money/

Flash - my ex used to spend a hell of a lot more than I was making working 3 jobs. When I wanted to buy her a gift (birthday/Christmas/anniversary) the credit cards were always maxed out.....this is with a common account. I got a check and deposited it in the account. My discretionary cash was for gas only.
When we divorced, we had about $27K in debt that she had racked up without my knowledge.

Hence, the ratio I and my current wife use now!

Does the wife know you started this thread?

quote:

Originally posted by Gibb:
My wife and I (married 25+ years now) share all resources. We have 1 bank account, a few shared credit cards, and a few separate cards.

That's what you think.

quote:

Originally posted by odin:
... my ex used to spend a hell of a lot more than I was making ...
When we divorced, we had about $27K in debt that she had racked up without my knowledge.

Similar thing happened to me in my first marriage, though not to nearly that degree.

To make matters worse: Long after we were divorced I found, after I'd thought I'd fixed all that and went to apply for a car loan, she'd applied-for and received two or three credit cards in my name, and had continued racking those up. Again: Not to the tune of anywhere near $27k, but, enough to be annoying.

When I called the creditors I found the accounts were all in arrears. I could have battled with them about it, but, a lawyer friend advised me it'd be a tough slog and would cost me more in legal fees then the combined balances. So I put "Mr. only"s on the accounts, changed the billing addresses, and began paying them off.

Next thing I knew: One of the bills stopped coming. I called the creditor (Sears). Despite the "Mr. only" on the account, they'd allowed her to change the billing address back to hers and continue using the account!

I got it changed back and warned them: "I will not be responsible for any charges beyond today's date. So get your act together or suffer the consequences."

I didn't remarry for a good, long while after that. When I did I heeded sse's counsel:

quote:

Originally posted by sse:
all i can say is be careful who you marry

In my current marriage I'm the spendthrift. My wife, to whom I refer as "the family CFO," has been the one to keep our (read: "my") spending under control.

quote:

Originally posted by Jupiter:

quote:

Originally posted by Gibb:
My wife and I (married 25+ years now) share all resources. We have 1 bank account, a few shared credit cards, and a few separate cards.

That's what you think.

LOL Wouldn't be funny if there wasn't a grain of truth.

quote:

Originally posted by dwd1985:

quote:

Originally posted by Oat_Action_Man:

quote:

Originally posted by Balzé Halzé:
Man, you gotta be kidding me. That ain't a marriage.

ETA:

100% what AKSuperDually said.

Your money is her money and vice versa. There can be no other way.

You need to step the fuck off.

I asked for advice about money, not judgement about my marriage. So fuck you. How dare you fucking say that shit.

Good on you man. Don’t let anyone on this forum judge your marriage based on what they think is right. I don’t post a lot in this particular section but I read a lot, and something I’ve noticed over the years is how many members mention their divorces and exes even when the topic is completely unrelated. Now those same people are here giving you unsolicited marriage advice when you asked a financial question.

For my part to answer your question, we created a joint account but maintained separate accounts. Then we figured out what our shared monthly expenses were (house, utilities, etc) and then added an extra $1000 to that number. Then divide by 2, and each of us have that amount auto transferred from our individual accounts into the joint account. The extra $500 we each throw in every month builds up into our fun money and we use it for vacations, movies, dining out, etc. The rest of our respective paychecks that don’t go to the shared account are used to pay individual bills (debts mostly) but also so each of us buys whatever we want. When she wants something personal, she buys it with her own money. When I want something personal, I buy it with my own money. In other words, our household is equally upheld by both of us, our fun is funded equally by both of us, and all our extra income is our personal fun money.

Agree with Oat and Dwd. My wife and I both make decent comparable incomes. We have separate and joint checking and credit accounts. Our paychecks go into our individual accounts and we transfer money each money to cover half of our living expenses and investments. Car payments are paid individually. Whatever money is left is yours to do as you wish. We dont have to ask permission to make purchases to make individual purchases.

Judging someone's marriage by how they pay the bills is bullshit.

If I dont wear my wedding ring does that mean I love my wife less? If we didnt have a traditional Catholic church marriage and got married by Elvis in Vegas are we doomed?

quote:

Originally posted by BigWhup:
We divide ours 50/50 thus:

I make it, she spends it!

BTDT, but it may have been more like 50 make it/75 spend it LOL

This is a topic that I see come up very often. To the OP, my short advice would be to avoid dividing any spousal income. Instead of looking at your situation as a series of bills that need to be paid (not saying you're doing that, but most people approach it that way), I would view the marriage as a family business. In reality, there is only one pot of money, and the most unfortunate side effect of the "yours/mine" accounting method is that you never get around to think about how you and your wife can build your empire together.

I'll give you my story: We've been married a bit over 20 years. We started our marriage out with separate accounts, but I was the one with the "good job" at the time. She had just finished her Masters', and we had just moved to Texas, so she was jobless. When she got a job, we went back to "dividing the pie". Both of us had to unlearn marital finance habits our parents taught us, but the 2008 financial crisis caused us to dig deep and learn far more about personal finance than we ever cared about. It was then that we decided to change how we functioned financially, and focused on a financial plan that allowed us to focus on achieving bigger life goals.

We changed the thinking from "mine/hers" accounts to " OUR emergency fund, operating accounts, taxable investment accounts, and retirement accounts". We sat down every quarter, and I presented a "household finance update", got her feedback, and we set our direction together. Our household net worth went from a literal zero in 2009 (bought a house in AZ in 2006 at the worst possible time) to crossing the million dollar mark in about 8 years. Just after that, she managed to become a VP at a fortune 500 company, which pretty much turbocharged things. There were quite a few years where her income doubled mine, but our framework allowed us to stick to the plan. This plan also allowed her to walk away from that job and start her own business when she was ready to do so.

I'm saying all that to say - you asked a great question, and I think you should consider whether you are being led to think about the bigger picture. Pretty much everybody who has responded to you has given the same advice, and I agree with the sentiment. You are both really good with separate finances, but this is a case where 1+1 is far greater than 2.

Our income levels are much closer than yours are, but we add up total bills (including food, fuel and any 'family' expenses - like vacation or going out for dinner) and we each pay in proportion to our income of the total.

My after tax income accounts for roughly 60% of our income and my wife's income - 40%. We each pay that portion of the total bills and the rest is ours to do with as we want.

If there is a big expense that we need to save for or pay then we each increase our contribution in proportion to our income until it's covered.

Any bonuses are put in savings with the person getting them taking a portion for their personal use.

When I was married and the provider the wife had a separate checking account that I'd deposit what I saw fit for her to have on a weekly basis and I paid the bills. She didn't make the money nor did she hurt for lack of quality lifestyle so I thought it was a smoking deal for her.
She and I parted ways for many reasons and after few years of doing me I met a wonderful woman who compliments and improves my life in every way.
We do NOT share any finances and are responsible for our own bills. We do live together and split some expenses but are autonomous otherwise.
Best.
Agreement.
Ever.

^^^Not currently married though, correct, because that's a entirely different kind of agreement.

quote:

Originally posted by dwd1985:

quote:

Originally posted by Oat_Action_Man:


You need to step the fuck off.

I asked for advice about money, not judgement about my marriage. So fuck you. How dare you fucking say that shit.

Good on you man. Don’t let anyone on this forum judge your marriage based on what they think is right. I don’t post a lot in this particular section but I read a lot, and something I’ve noticed over the years is how many members mention their divorces and exes even when the topic is completely unrelated. Now those same people are here giving you unsolicited marriage advice when you asked a financial question.

Well as the only one who mentioned being currently divorced I’ll take this as a shot at me.

That’s fine, it’s only advice. But FWIW, money is one of the largest contributors to divorce, so asking about financial advice with a spouse is in a way asking for marriage advice. As a divorced person I perhaps am able to provide a unique viewpoint as I’ve spent countless hours evaluating my former marriage and determining what really worked and what I could have done differently. I’ll also point out that I made a point to mention my marital status as I felt it applicable.

It’s s discussion forum. Expect discussion. If you don’t want input, don’t ask. In no way was my post meant to be an insult to anyone’s marriage and if somehow it came off that way I apologize. It was simply solicited advice based on my experience.

The legalities matter where you are. I live in a community property state so anything either one of us makes is ours.

When I was in college I worked for a guy and got to be friends with him and his wife. They each kept their own earnings and jointly contributed to joint account such that they each paid half of the joint expenses and could do whatever they want with “their money”.

The wife and I settled on a modified version of that. Our prior separate property and any income on that separate property remain separate. Any income of either of our labors is community and neither of us spends more than $1,000 of community funds without discussion and buy in of the other. What we do with our separate assets is our own business.

In practice, her hobbies come out of joint funds, mine generally come out of my separate funds. If I were worries about the money, I might gripe, but I’m not. I’m really just delighted to limit the griping when I spend money on guns or training. Remember, for those with a positive bent, “Happy wife, happy life.” And for those who see the glass half empty, “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”

ETA: Okay, confession time: Having (now) read the whole thread, a few thoughts to add. This year we will mark thirty two years married and thirty four years together on the same day. Wedding was on two year anniversary of the Eddie Money dinner concert that was our first date.

While I understand the “can’t divide” folks point and we use that approach with the fruits of our labors, it has been really beneficial to us to each have some money that we could spend or invest as we choose. For us it was separate assets and the income from them. The “allowance” approach that some have mentioned accomplishes the same thing. There is just some real value in not having to justify every last toy or hobby.

At the end of the day though, it really doesn’t matter what works (or doesn’t) for other people’s marriage. What matters is what works for you and your lovely bride. Love and open communication about how each of you thinks/feels about what you are doing may get you farther than any advice from your invisible friends.

Good luck and enjoy!

quote:

Originally posted by nhracecraft:
^^^Not currently married though, correct, because that's a entirely different kind of agreement.

It doesn't have to be different if you and your girl decide to make it so. We both want to keep any kind of financial drama out of our relationship and her and I both being completely free to oversee our own financials feels pretty great.
If I were with a woman who demanded I do something different than what I was comfortable with she'd be fired immediately. There are a lot of entitled Jezebels out there but still a few good ones who value love and partnership over a meal ticket and entitlement. I am very fortunate to have met one.

We don't. All of the money goes into one account and we decide together how it gets spent.

A) Were y'all able to make it on her prior income? If so, would putting that extra into a pooled savings/investment account work?

B) Different situation, but most of my family are "one real earner" households. Usually, the money the low earner makes, is set aside to be vacation money/extra savings/when then low earner wants to buy a nice present for the high earner, without having to ask for money to do so, etc.

I think if you what you are doing works, then stick to it. Seems easier if you ever end up splitting up.

quote:

Originally posted by slosig:
While I understand the “can’t divide” folks point and we use that approach with the fruits of our labors, it has been really beneficial to us to each have some money that we could spend or invest as we choose.

IMHO, this is the most important thing. No matter what you decide to do, both parties need to feel free to spend whatver they please (within reason) without drawing the ire of their spouse. As long as you've married the right one for you, things will work out.