My wife makes about twice what I do now. When we met, she was horrible with money. I’ve always been a tightwad. We kept our accounts separate. She’s turned into a financial wiz now. For the first 10 years of our relationship I made most of the money, now the roles are reversed. If her career path continues on its current trajectory, she could easily make 3-5x more than I do now.

All that said to say this: When I was making bank, I picked up the majority of the bills. Now that the roles are reversed, she’s paying more than half. We still have our separate accounts and added a joint account to pay for large expenses. Never in over 20 years have we argued about money.

While we’re retired, during our near 50 years of working,I always made more than my wife. Never the less, it all went into our joint account. We never had your $ and my $. We shared everything, including our bed.

If the money is more important thatn the relationship, that tells you all you need to know.

When married, I insisted that the wife control and maintain her own income, vehicle, insurance and credit. This was due to me being a cop and if I was KIA, she would be in a better position to carry on without me.
Household bills were divided between equally and we kept a small joint account for fun stuff, like travel.
Worked well for us.

There is no division. Everything into a joint account regardless of who makes what and regardless whatever gap might be evident.

I'm not saying you're in "danger" but I just want to state for the record that finances are the number one reason for divorce for both low income and high income couples. So it's a good sign that you're seeking advice on how to handle money in a marriage.

From the beginning, we both agreed that it all goes into one pot and it all comes out of one pot. I just happen to have the interest in finances so I pay the bills and manage our accounts. If it was her, then she'd be doing it. I periodically share summary reports with her. Now, she tracks it on her own phone.

We each get the same cash allowance every month in addition to what we charge on the credit cards which we pay off every month.

In the beginning, she made more than me. Then I gradually made more. But any increase, we deemed it as ours.

Been married 32 years now and never had separate accounts or finances. After three decades together, believe me the whole concept of dividing up anything will seem silly.

My wife and I have everything separate. She makes more than 2x what I make. We were both divorced and that has some effect on how we do it. She pays all the bills. I give her some mortgage money each month. I pay for groceries and all household maintenance, from mowing to the pool etc. It works for us.

My ex wife was a spender. It’s what ultimately destroyed our marriage. We had everything joint. Looking back if we had separate accounts it would have helped some.

We have been married over 35 years and since day one, there has been no division of income. Both names are on all accounts, all bills are paid from the same account.

There is no income gap. We are one marriage, in which two were made one. Income is not individual.


Edit 30 years married. Looking even just at this page alone, I note a trend in responses.

My wife and I (married 25+ years now) share all resources. We have 1 bank account, a few shared credit cards, and a few separate cards.

We used to leapfrog each other, usually making within 5-7k of each other as we progressed through our fields. Lately I have jumped ahead quite a bit, but we still maintain everything together.

Either way, communication is key. For us it's the expenses, we will check in with each other before any major purchases. We know what our accounts have, and what our goals are both short and long term.

I've seen friends marriages fail due to hiding expenses, or feeling slighted over accounts or responsibilities.

quote:

Originally posted by Oat_Action_Man:
My wife has finished school and will be starting a lucrative job in just about a month. I've been the sole income for the last three years while she was in school, but before that she had a good job, making about $10-15k more than me a year. Her new job will see her grossing nearly 3x my annual gross income.
How do you go about dividing income or sharing money when there's a big gap in incomes in a way that's fair?

My wife and I have completely separate finances. And remarkably, to some here at least, have been happily married/partnered for a quarter century with all the typical ups and downs of marriage and raising two boys. As we designed it, finances have never caused a problem. We split "family" costs evenly, and have our own resources to do whatever we'd like without required discussion or guilt. Nice 3 figure bottle of scotch? Done. New outboard? Shotguns for the boys? Yep. Makes it easy.

We made similar professional incomes for years, but in the last decade they've diverged substantially, with her's substantially more than mine, and me in an prolonged pretirement. The only difference in current trends are; she's inclined to spoil the boys more with recreational/education/athletic endeavors and she'll choose/plan and pay the lion's share of a vacation. Separation remains intact.

Perhaps the concept of "fair" is the one you guys need to investigate. Not clear from your post, but did you alternately "support" one another in those previous years of disparity? If the lesser income is sufficient to fully support the chosen lifestyle, then maybe nothing needs to be done for "fairness". Then there's acquired wealth, or building wealth that needs to be considered. She'll have a huge advantage in the latter category at this point, how do you manage that?

Frankly, it sounds like a great problem to have, enjoy challenges presented to you that look like this. There are worse.
Approach it like the purely economic exchange that it is; you two have discussed finances before and you'll solve this one as well. And don't be surprised if the initial plan needs modifying after trends appear over time. Good on both of you for the rational approach.

I'm old school and it all goes in one account. We only have "our" money.

quote:

Originally posted by Lord Vaalic:
We don't divide ours at all. I have always made more, for 15 years my wife didn't work while she stayed at home with our son. Now she is working again, but I still make way more. But our money has always been ours, 100% shared.

And I also buy whatever I want, as does she, but I am the spender. She is cheap and doesn't like spending money, I see something I want and I buy it.

This is exactly what I was going to write. We made an agreement that we shared equally regardless of income.
She raised the girls, while I worked and built my career. now she makes nearly what I do. and we just make all of our decisions together.

quote:

Originally posted by redstone:
... we just make all of our decisions together.

I think that's more important than figuring a fair split of responsibilities.

I don't understand marriages where there's "his" money and "her" money.

Marriage is a 50-50 proposition and that includes money. It all goes in one big pot. If she wants something, she buys it and if I want something, I buy it.

I will never make what my wife makes unless something really bizarre and unforeseen happens. Early on, she was the bread winner, then she got laid off a couple times and I was the bread winner. She’s been with a good company for nearly 15 years now and makes very good money. We don’t spend a lot of money, and when I’d like to buy things, I try to make damn sure they’re investments. Thankfully I’ve been able to build a few hobbies up by making money on some wise investments, which has a snowball effect. I don’t do big spending without approving stuff, and likewise. Everything up to about a hundred bucks requires no approval, and it’s not a spoken thing, it’s just how it worked out. She’s incredibly thrifty and so am I… on everything that isn’t guns and guitars, and in all but a few occasions, I’ve made money on it. Her hobby is reading and the library is free. I’d be fine if she had a hobby that took money, but she doesn’t, and that’s her choice.

Our finances are so linked, and she the math wizard, that what I earn just goes in the family account and she runs the finances. I take care of other things for the family. Other couples keep their finances separate and if that works for them, it’s not my business. What we do works for us. It may be that some day it doesn’t, and we try the split finances thing. Couldn’t say.

My wife and I met when were teenagers. In the beginning we never even thought about separate accounts. It was all one pot, the pot was never full and we were always playing catch up. Fast forward 32 years, currently raising a 15 and 11 year old, my income is 5x what hers is, and it's still all one pot.

If something happened and I were to enter another relationship I would do things differently, but only because I now have kids to think about.

quote:

Originally posted by AKSuperDually:
As a marriage counselor...I cringe when I read posts like yours. I've heard of some people who are able to do what you propose, but my more than average experience with people has shown that the opposite is typically true.

I see the best marriage success with couples that treat every asset and liability with complete shared ownership. NOT a 50/50 split or any other proposed split or divide. Everything is 100 percent yours and 100 percent hers. Everything, the good and the bad. When you both equally own 100% of the good and the bad, then you share burdens and benefits.

I also agree with AKSuperDually.

You asked the question: How do you divide up spousal income in your family when there's a big gap in income?
The answer is: We don't. It all goes into the same pot.

I'm not trying to be judgmental if you do it differently, just answering the question.

OAT idk if this is a first marriage for both of you, or if there are children or other complications from outside your marriage (e.g. a relative with special needs).

Overall do what you both feel comfortable with.

We mix everything together. It is a second marriage for both of us, and we both have children from a previous marriage. While we are alive, we share equally from our assets. Keeping money separated is a recipe for hard feelings. If a second marriage and you each have significant assets, separating can work well but we did not choose it.

I very strongly endorse the use of a prenup and a Trust regardless of your stage in life. We have both.

A Trust is critical to protect your heirs. When one of you dies, the other usually inherits everything. If the survivor remarries, or gets into domestic partnership, or even becomes incompetent, someone from the outside can grab all the assets.

It happens all the time. Ask any attorney who deals with the elderly or with inheritance law.

Our Trust is the central feature of our finances. It is much simpler to mix everything into one trust than maintain separate finances but somehow mix living expenses. If the house is in her name but I contribute to the mortgage and upkeep, how is that done fairly?

We have an agreed spending amount for each of us that we don't have to consult with the other about.