We have different bank accounts but that’s only because she likes the way her bank works and I have mine at a credit union because the business fees are zero. We’ve always intended to consolidate to the credit union but she ends up ordering more checks so there’s another year or two at her bank.

She pays the bills with her checks and I pay all the taxes and grocery and entertainment but there’s no real separation. It’s just how we set up the accounts.

We don’t let money come between us and she can quit her job at any time if she wants.

We have a joint account where the vast majority goes. We each have a personal account as well if we want to have a bit of our own goof-off money.

Mostly, though, we just use the joint account for those things anyway.

Well, I might offer a suggestion.....
My wife and I are previously divorced and the divorce issue was finances for both of us.
When we got together (not married), we decided on a solution that would give each of us our own spending money while jointly contributing to the household bills. The solution was pretty simple:

I calculated our total yearly income. If her percentage of that was 40%, she paid 40% of our common household bills and I paid 60%. Whatever was left over from her wages was her disposable income and vice versa. She could do whatever she wanted with her money and I did likewise. After we got married 3 years later, she was so pleased to have disposable income that we kept that formula going. Keep in mind, we both have our own credit cards that we are responsible for, and, we help each other out if one of us gets strapped due to an unforeseen bill, like appliances need replacement, large house repairs, etc.

It's pretty easy to revisit the ratio every couple of years and make an adjustment.

It works for us.

quote:

Originally posted by mark123:
We have different bank accounts but that’s only because she likes the way her bank works and I have mine at a credit union because the business fees are zero. We’ve always intended to consolidate to the credit union but she ends up ordering more checks so there’s another year or two at her bank.

When we got married, she used BOA and I used a credit union. Once the BOA mortgage was paid and I showed her the (lack of) interest BOA was paying, we agreed to consolidate into the credit union.

We never split. There is no equity in marriage IMO. Both partners are 100% equal.

I get what you are thinking but I would never have expected my wife (now ex) to not have equal access to the money in our account. FWIW I was the sole income as she was a stay at home mom.

We made a budget together which included an equal amount of spending money for us both. In the case of larger purchases outside of our little monthly “allowance” we discussed it first. We had one checking account and one savings account and that was it.

Of course I’m divorced so I’m not the expert in marriage advice, but money has nothing to due with our divorce at all.

quote:

Originally posted by Oregon:
We have a joint account where the vast majority goes. We each have a personal account as well if we want to have a bit of our own goof-off money.

Mostly, though, we just use the joint account for those things anyway.

oh, yeah. We also have a joint account. That’s where I try to save up $20k every year so I don’t have to work through the winter and if we are planning a vacation.

We lived with combined money.

Some years she made more than me.

Some years I made more.

We had some really lean years and fat years.

It all has always gone into one combined income.

We Direct deposit, we have separate accounts but it is more to track income and outflows for budgeting.

We have a bunch of separate accounts but we both have access to everything.

Pushing 35 years.

seems like a very odd method to me. In our married life all the income goes into one account. The underlying source isn't relevant its "household income". All the bills get paid out of that. The excess (if any) gets swept to longer term accounts. Retirement funds like 401K get deducted before it hits the common account. Big expenses get discussed toghether before committed. Has worked well for me and the wife.

Why do you need to account for her earning more than you? Your joint expenses are just that. Fair is 50/50. That one partner makes more shouldn’t matter.

The two of you are looking at getting a house and maybe that’s where the 50/50 split goes away. Why get a lesser house because one income is smaller?

In the end you’re a team and that means all for one and one for all. You’re in it together.

My wife and I make about the same. That hasn’t always been the case. It all goes to one account. There’s no my money or her money it’s all our money. We make big decisions together.

As a marriage counselor...I cringe when I read posts like yours. I've heard of some people who are able to do what you propose, but my more than average experience with people has shown that the opposite is typically true.

I see the best marriage success with couples that treat every asset and liability with complete shared ownership. NOT a 50/50 split or any other proposed split or divide. Everything is 100 percent yours and 100 percent hers. Everything, the good and the bad. When you both equally own 100% of the good and the bad, then you share burdens and benefits. If a spouse make significantly more than another, jealousy will bring division. True love overflows with joy when a spouse does well. When one does well, both benefit. When both are fulfilled in and outside the home, all benefit. Eliminate jealousy from your life, work as a team to succeed at both of your goals in life. We live in a time when so much more is possible than ever before. Take advantage of opportunities, and make money work for you. Make jobs and other privileges work for you, to benefit your mutual goals...which should be first, and foremost, the ever present strive to fulfill and completely love each other...first.

No division. We each get an equal, and not huge allowance for some discretionary cash, but outside that, it's all joint.

Studies have shown you will be much more financially and personally successful by combining your incomes and communicating what goes where. Don’t put the entire burden on one person because they “like” to do it or they’re controlling. You’re not roomates you are sharing a bed.

If you look at our friend group all I can say is the stats don’t lie.

My wife came from a household that split the bills, my family did not.

When we got married in 1990 we combined all of our income. She had just graduated collage and because she worked while in school and with my help she graduated debt free, she was also making a lot less than I was.

Two months after we got married we bought our first house so this made the most sense because at first there was no way she would have been able to split the bills.

As time went on and our income increased we started to allocate a percentage of our income into savings and retirement accounts.

And for the last 32 years this is what we have done withe our primary income. I say primary income because as time went on, on top of my regular job I was also working at our County Fire academy part time. My wife started working at a Disney Store part time. This started about four years after we got married.

Once again I was making a lot more than she was so we decided she could use her part time money for whatever she wanted, and it was mostly Disney stuff and my part time money went to pay for our Disney vacation club and other vacation cost. With what was left over I got to play Golf, buy some nice golf clubs and golf stuff.

When we moved to Florida in the summer 1999 so I could work for Disney (I no longer work for Disney), she became the primary earner and I was making a lot less and I mean a lot less so over the years it has balanced out.

Now she works full time and I am still kinda retired.

This is what has worked for us over the years and I could not have imagined doing it any other way.

Man, you gotta be kidding me. That ain't a marriage.

ETA:

100% what AKSuperDually said.

Your money is her money and vice versa. There can be no other way.

Easy peasy.

Both put half of their pay check in too a house acct. With or w/o a credit card
No checks.

He has his own acct.
She had her own acct.

There is no equitable. You are one. If you're treating it differently (in my opinion) you're doing it wrong. Into the bank, and live as one.

quote:

Originally posted by Balzé Halzé:
Man, you gotta be kidding me. That ain't a marriage.

ETA:

100% what AKSuperDually said.

Your money is her money and vice versa. There can be no other way.

You need to step the fuck off.

I asked for advice about money, not judgement about my marriage. So fuck you. How dare you fucking say that shit.

Yeah, there is only one pot in our house. All the money that comes in goes into that pot. Our expenses comes out of it. There is no her money or my money.

What is this “dividing” that you speak of?

When you get married, aren’t your finances married too? We got married and I made quite a bit more than my wife but had a bit of credit card debit which we paid off and then focused on her student loan debt.

Now she’s a stay at home Mom/Home School Mom working her ass off for a salary of $0 a year but my pay is still “ours”.

quote:

Originally posted by Oat_Action_Man:

quote:

Originally posted by Balzé Halzé:
Man, you gotta be kidding me. That ain't a marriage.

ETA:

100% what AKSuperDually said.

Your money is her money and vice versa. There can be no other way.

You need to step the fuck off.

I asked for advice about money, not judgement about my marriage. So fuck you. How dare you fucking say that shit.

Well, I'm not the only one saying it. But you got it. I'm out. Good luck.