SIGforum.com Main Page The Lounge No significant alcohol or "drugs" since March 15. I'm in the middle of proving a point.
Main Page The Lounge No significant alcohol or "drugs" since March 15. I'm in the middle of proving a point.Go | New | Find | Notify | Tools | Reply | |
Alea iacta est |
Bill, this deserves a reply in its own post. Fantastic. I am so happy to hear you’re sticking with it. Absolutely awesome. Keep up the good work! The “lol” thread | |||
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| Member |
Oh my goodness, you are so spot on. I've missed so much great content over the years it is amazing..........especially since I have so many streaming services for my significant other because she is disabled and uses shows to keep her mind off the chronic pain. Maybe someday I will feel comfortable with sharing the details of my downward spiral. But I can hit on the high points. In my twenties I was stupid. Drank a lot of Strawberry Hill wine with severe hangover effects. Drunk time in Tijuana (I lived close to the border) finger banging strippers in dive bars until I ran out of money, then getting kicked out, and getting in trouble with the locals. I was a meat cutter then and my boss was my drinking partner. We would go out for "lunch" get hammered and the go back and finish out the day utilizing knives and band saws. Glad I still have the majority of my fingers. 30's were a mellow time with weight lifting, shooting and working. Minimal drinking. After a back injury and giving up weights I became what I jokingly refer to as a "professional drinker" meaning I have a set of rules I adhere to. Learned from my 20's. The following: Only drink at home. Going out increases your risk of problems. Never mix. One brand (vodka) and only that. Stay hydrated: straight shots followed by a chaser of lemon tea, or some kind of hydrating beverage. Take a gallon jug of water to bed. Drink as much water as possible at work throughout the day. Stay coherent enough to eat a good meal before bed. No drugs. Tried a couple times to mix MJ with booze with disastrous results. No smoking. Never been a smoker. Just wasn't my bag. Other rules that are too boring to post but sprang up due to a total cockup on my part. The bill for all of this has come due and it is steep. More times than I can count I've come inches away from losing everything. I've only talked to my significant other about all this, so it's very embarrassing for me. But others have been willing to share so I figured I had a responsibility to do so. Again, good luck to everyone both open and silent that are fighting the good fight. It's a big ass monkey trying to choke you out. rh, again, you may choose to punch your ticket and shuffle off this existence. I wish you well. Just remember this thing you created has made others re evaluate their standing. That's a good thing. "And I think about my loves,well I've had a few. Well,I'm sorry that I hurt them, did I hurt you too" I Was Wrong--Social D. | |||
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| Free radical scavenger  |
Yes, the desire of forum members to help is obvious and appreciated! It's just a very complicated medical story, dating to when I lived in Texas in 1999 and why I moved to Washington.
Congrats! If you can do that, then you can do it! | |||
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| Banned for showing his ass |
P220 Smudge ... a little off topic, but being a north Seattle boy hope to have a chance to sit down with lunch and meet you in person before you move away. | |||
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Fire begets Fire |
"Pacifism is a shifty doctrine under which a man accepts the benefits of the social group without being willing to pay - and claims a halo for his dishonesty." ~Robert A. Heinlein | |||
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| Free radical scavenger |
Oh, that happened to me. It took more like 90 minutes to get me to a hospital. The nausea was horrible. I don't remember much else, other than it took 3 bags of O+ blood to keep me alive before I got to Vancouver, WA in an ambulance. (Much thanks to the blood donors.) I really don't know who got paid, but the paramedics didn't which is inspiring me to call the insurance commissioner's office. I did just remember something funny. On the way to Vancouver, I said to the paramedic: "This is boring. Can we talk about something?" He declined.
Since no one would order blood tests for me, I ordered and paid for routine tests and a plasma ammonia test myself in 2010. It is was fine. I also requested a plasma ammonia test in Texas in 2017 in the ER when my gallbladder was infected, and it was also within the reference interval. "Something" happened. I vomited continuously for several days and discovered blood in my mouth. It may have been from small varices bursting or it may have been from my nose which bleeds often. And I was having a panic attack about going to Vancouver again, and also, my insulin supply is low. I do have lactulose (a laxative) for the toxins, but that's not a life worth living. The gallbladder surgery already caused diarrhea.
Yes, I need a GI doctor to perform an EGD and banding. I tried, but a diabetic foot ulcer caused a delay. I finally got to a GI ARNP in Olympia, but she wanted me to wait 2 1/2 months for a colonoscopy instead even though one had been done 2 years earlier. My step-father had already been here 3 months, and I had to let him to go back home. | |||
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The only doc you are gonna need is one that does your autopsy. Go to detox. | |||
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| Fire begets Fire |
You booting’ that wine yet rh? Only way in now? "Pacifism is a shifty doctrine under which a man accepts the benefits of the social group without being willing to pay - and claims a halo for his dishonesty." ~Robert A. Heinlein | |||
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Told cops where to go for over 29 years… |
I had already discussed a meet with P220 Smudge - Sounds like we need to do a get together! What part of "...Shall not be infringed" don't you understand???  | |||
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| Told cops where to go for over 29 years… |
What a fantastic testimony! While I always “believed”, I was more casual about it. A year ago, that changed and after some major life events I had my own epiphany of sorts and realized I was being pushed in a different direction with a different purpose. No other explanation than it being God’s plan. I began praying daily, changed longstanding habits to get healthier, starting going to church regularly, and really paying more attention to how I should be living vs how I was (morally, emotionally, physically). October 24th last year I was baptized, and have continued to grow and learn. I am so thankful Jesus kept trying to reach me. I just wish I had listened sooner. As for rh, I too hope he accepts Jesus before his ultimate fate. One has to die to self in order to get the gift of eternal life, it seems however he is holding on too hard to the earthly pleasures and fooling himself into thinking he knows better than anyone else. What part of "...Shall not be infringed" don't you understand??? | |||
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| Member |
Beancooker, I know weed is much more potent these days When I said I doubt it I meant I'll never smoke it again. If I can quit drinking, I don't want to trade one vice for another. Today has been a good day. I'll try exercizing again. I think I'll try cbd oil again. Can't hurt. | |||
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| Free radical scavenger |
Thank you! I've only been told about lactulose. I'll look into it, but I can't prescribe it. I 'm unsure that plasma ammonia is a problem, but I would try it. (I was told that it was only slightly elevated.) Too bad that you mistake the truth for paranoid ideation. My neighbors would back me up all the way (including the one who won't go to a "provider").
Whatever happened to my legs happened suddenly along with cognitive issues in Oct. 2005. MRI and CT scan of brain were unremarkable, so I wasn't believed.
They are EMTs, and obviously I have called for help. As for UW Medicine, I called them once, but they told me to call 911. | |||
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| Member |
rh. Our failings are our own. My biological father had an OD in the seventies and died when I was 2. I'm not mad and I don't pass blame. He made a mistake and passed. Please stop with trying to excuse your way out of the situation you are in. This thread has morphed into somewhat of a healing thread. We understand. The gorilla is choking you. It chokes all of us. You started a thread that has far reaching impact on peoples lives. Let it grow. Good thoughts to you. Fix the issue or pass peacefully into whatever awaits us. Just understand your situation is not unique or a one off issue. Hell, maybe get a lost feral kitten and see what wanting to live really looks like. Mine has been known to bite me and desperately try to drag my hand away from the glass when I go to take a shot. He has helped me immensely. "And I think about my loves,well I've had a few. Well,I'm sorry that I hurt them, did I hurt you too" I Was Wrong--Social D. | |||
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| Member |
Damn. Only took three drinks today. Still wide awake after 24 hours. Went for a walk, after half a mile my feet hurt so bad ,I limped home. I would like to thank P220 Smudge. We had a nice conversation on the phone. Look forward to talking to him again. Tomorrow is another day, I'll try again. | |||
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| Fire begets Fire |
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Start over, do it a little different today. One thing I’ve heard that helps a lot of people is 90 meetings in the first 90 days. You don’t necessarily have to quit drinking, just have the desire. "Pacifism is a shifty doctrine under which a man accepts the benefits of the social group without being willing to pay - and claims a halo for his dishonesty." ~Robert A. Heinlein | |||
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Frangas non Flectes |
That wasn't for you. You need to see a competent gastroenterologist and keep your trap shut long enough to receive proper care instead of blasting crazy all over them and being asked to leave and not come back. My gastroenterologist, the woman who saved my life by actually convincing me to go to rehab, said blood ammonia levels aren't necessarily a metric they diagnose HE with, it's diagnosed on the symptoms. So you may, like me, have pretty low ammonia levels and still exhibit debilitating HE. Or you may not. I don't think you're crippled with HE right now, but I could be wrong. You'd have to see a doctor.
Uh huh. If I had a nutflake for a neighbor, I'd probably just agree with him to shut him up also. In fact, I've done that. If they actually care, they'll back you up all the way into the hospital.
Oh, I believe you. Look up "psychosomatic." Did they tell you to seek help from a psychiatrist?
That's what I said. Don't quibble me. You're in no position to quibble anyone about anything.
Call them again and tell them you're an end-stage alcoholic with end-stage liver disease and you can't quit drinking and want help but don't know what to do. Whatever they tell you to do, you just do. You don't tell them you can't pee and can't walk, you don't tell them you're stranded in the mountains. You don't tell them you have 37 doctors who won't talk to you. You tell them nothing more than you have to, and if you feel the urge to say more, bite your tongue, hard. Your crazy bullshit is what's keeping you from getting the help you need, so if you actually want help, just stow it. If you suddenly can't walk to go do what they tell you to do, ask your neighbors for help and tell them you need to go to the hospital. Alcoholics who are still deep in the grips of addiction minimize what the issue is, isolate so that they stay in the environment they're sick in, and simply cannot believe that others actually have their best interests at heart. What they tell you to do will keep you alive. What you think you need to do is going to kill you. Your best thinking has made you sick to the point of death, and your sick brain isn't going to figure out a solution. It's time to just do what the fuck you're told by people who know better if you actually want to get well. It's that simple. Then again, I don't think you want the help, you're just lonely and want to interact with people while you wait to die, so here we are. ______________________________________________ “There are plenty of good reasons for fighting, but no good reason ever to hate without reservation, to imagine that God Almighty Himself hates with you, too.” | |||
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| Frangas non Flectes |
I'd like that. Either as a little group, or individually, whatever everyone wants. Old Dino, you have email with my phone number. Let's figure something out.  ______________________________________________ “There are plenty of good reasons for fighting, but no good reason ever to hate without reservation, to imagine that God Almighty Himself hates with you, too.” | |||
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Spiritually Imperfect |
Terminally unique. | |||
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| Frangas non Flectes |
Bingo. That was my problem, too. Couldn't accept the fact that I was just a garden-variety drunk. My circumstances were different, my life was hard. Me, and everyone else on the planet. We're all uniquely the same in most ways. I'm named Ed. He's named Randy. We're different that way, and when you get down to it, that's really about it. See, the beautiful thing about this is, it's already been figured out. We don't have to figure out anything. We don't have to come up with a plan, or try a new method, or just double-down and try harder. We just have to go to a meeting and follow some suggestions. They're not really suggestions, but people like me bristle at being told what to do, so we suggest that if you want what we have, you do what we do. You're a slave to a liquid with a voice in your head that tells you what you're going to do all day today, and tomorrow, and the next, and we can help free you from that. It doesn't like competition, so it tells you not to listen to us, just keep sucking that bottle. It's a simple program for people who like to complicate the shit out of everything. You think you don't? I can't think of anything more complicated than staying just as drunk as I want to all day long every day and navigating through life without getting thrown in prison, except maybe doing it all over again in prison. This is the easier, softer way. I promise you.
I tried to talk him into a meeting. He's hard-core isolating. ______________________________________________ “There are plenty of good reasons for fighting, but no good reason ever to hate without reservation, to imagine that God Almighty Himself hates with you, too.” | |||
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| Peace through superior firepower  |
Throughout all of this, rh has been polite, and in return, we are going to be polite to him. He's been told of his blindness to his problems and if he doesn't get it by now, speaking harshly to him is not going to help, not if it hasn't already. The real value of this thread is that we are discussing things which most people do not discuss publicly, and certainly not when speaking of themselves. If you haven't read through this thread, you will understand what I mean if you do so. So, let's concentrate on the good being done, and let's pace ourselves. | |||
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SIGforum.com Main Page The Lounge No significant alcohol or "drugs" since March 15. I'm in the middle of proving a point.
Main Page The Lounge No significant alcohol or "drugs" since March 15. I'm in the middle of proving a point.© SIGforum 2024