Maintaining a friendship can take work; you have to ask yourself if you get value from doing that work.

If not? He becomes the neighbor you wave to as you are closing the garage door. I made that move on a neighbor a few years ago and have never looked back.

A continuing mystery to me is why people associate on a purely voluntary basis with others who do nothing other than annoy or upset them. And I find nothing more annoying than unjustified criticism. That guy, like many such people, probably believes that he’s doing a good deed by offering what he considers to be “constructive” criticism, but another mystery is why anyone believes they have some sort of obligation to participate in their delusions.

I would stop associating with someone like that after the first “Why don’t you …?” If he were perceptive enough to notice and ask why that, I might offer an explanation once, but that would be it unless he recognized and acknowledged what he’d been doing and actually changed his ways. Life is too short, and all that.

quote:

Originally posted by PHPaul:
There are two people on the planet outside my family toward whom I feel any obligation at all.

I sometimes wonder if I'm not borderline sociopathic. Whatever, I'm fine with it.

Somebody on this forum is feeling awfully special right now. Wanna let us know who it might be?

I have many acquaintances. But very few true friends.
Friend can take me to task. But acquaintances dont have that privilege.

I have a simple solution. You don't have to stop being his friend.

Just stop stopping by to talk.

Have you considered that in his own gruff way, his getting on you about "doing nothing" is actually him being worried for you?

I've seen it way too many times with guys who work their entire life, then retire to "do nothing" and are dead within a year or two.

This is exactly what happened to a coworker, he got less than 18 months of retirement before he died. It seems like for a lot of people, working is what keeps them going.

quote:

Originally posted by PASig:
Have you considered that in his own gruff way, his getting on you about "doing nothing" is actually him being worried for you?

I've seen it way too many times with guys who work their entire life, then retire to "do nothing" and are dead within a year or two.

This is exactly what happened to a coworker, he got less than 18 months of retirement before he died. It seems like for a lot of people, working is what keeps them going.

I won't disagree with what you said. But I stay busy with chores, and do not sit around all day.

I've had cancer since retiring, 2 heart attacks in the past 2 years congestive heart failure. and battling critical anemia, that the doctors cannot find the cause of.

My neighbors presentation,however, does not come across to me as advice on health. It comes across as him viewing me as choosing not to work as he does.

I retired in 2004, and had just started working at another job, when I had cancer.

What you said, does happen to many retirees. But I've not fallen into the sedentary trap.

quote:

I think the guy is pissed because he thinks everyone should work like he does. I

Or maybe he's jealous, unhappy he's still working at his age and didn't plan retirement well,

who knows, Just smile wave and go on about your day and be like a duck, why care what he thinks...

quote:

Originally posted by LS1 GTO:

quote:

Originally posted by PHPaul:
There are two people on the planet outside my family toward whom I feel any obligation at all.

I sometimes wonder if I'm not borderline sociopathic. Whatever, I'm fine with it.

Somebody on this forum is feeling awfully special right now. Wanna let us know who it might be?

What, and burst the other 90,000-odd member's bubbles? That would be cruel.

Screw him, the time you spent here about him is time you won’t get back. Bye and move on.

Tell him you don't have time to talk, and have to get back to doing nothing.

Next time, ask him if he can summarize his concerns quickly so you can get back to your schedule....

"Yep, I'm enjoying it. You should try it."

What's his problem... and why is what you do any of his goddamn business? If you pull your own weight (retired, don't beg or borrow from him, pay your bills, take care of your responsibilities...) what concern is how you live your life any of his?

I would probably tell him to cram it next time... and if he wants to be friends do fine, but stow that nonsense. If not... well... never darken my door again.

I would play along. No skin off my back. "Yea, well I wish I was 60."

quote:

Originally posted by PHPaul:
There are two people on the planet outside my family toward whom I feel any obligation at all.

”One of ‘em’s me…the other ain’t you.”

quote:

Originally posted by erj_pilot:

quote:

Originally posted by PHPaul:
There are two people on the planet outside my family toward whom I feel any obligation at all.

”One of ‘em’s me…the other ain’t you.”

Have we met?

quote:

Originally posted by Sunset_Va:
Sometimes I stop by to talk , see how he is doing, but lately it's not often.

Does he ever stop by your place to talk? Do you gather at any groups/events/places together?

If the answer to both is no then it's an extremely lopsided friendship, and I wouldn't be making any more drop-ins.

I like to "fix" relationships that go different than i want. So far I've skunked. Acceptance is not my strong suit.

“I heard you the first time and I divorced the last person who badgered me” generally works for me, one way or the other.