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Still finding my way |
There should be split 50/50 custody and zero child support. You each "support" them when you have them half the time. Reason #652 for why men should abstain from marriage or children until these laws are made to be fair. | |||
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| Little ray of sunshine  |
What if one spouse makes $200K a year, and the kids live like kings at that person's house, while the other makea $40K a year, and the kids have little more than necessities while at that house? (That scenario is fairly common.) Is that fair to the kids? This isn't about money transfers to benefit a spouse or fairness between the ex spouses. It is about easing the kids' lives and doing what is right for them. The fish is mute, expressionless. The fish doesn't think because the fish knows everything. | |||
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paradox in a box |
Yes, it is absolutely fair to the kids. My kids were spoiled by their mom. They are NOT better off for it. They are now spoiled entitled kids. I should have fought for 50/50 custody. If I had them, even half the time, they would have higher values and morals than they have now, regardless of how much more my ex was able to spend on them. While it may not be about money transfer to the spouse, it certainly ends up that way. My wife stayed in a $700K home with 3600 square feet. I had to live in a 900 sq ft apartment, with a budget of about $50 a week for food after giving her a large portion of my check. I didn't fight because I thought stability for my kids was the right choice. Well, not a day goes by I don't regret that decision. I agree with Ryan225, it should be 50/50, no support. These go to eleven. | |||
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| Still finding my way |
Fair? It's life not "fair". If one parent can't earn as much as the other then why should it be the responsibility of the other to subsidies them? One will just have to have less than the other like in all other things. My opinion may be different if 100% of said subsidy went strictly to the children but anyone with two functioning brain cells knows who really benefits. | |||
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| Little ray of sunshine |
Yeah, I know. Those newly divorced moms spend all the child support on Gucci purses and trips to Cancun with the new boyfriend. A lot my clients have told me so. (And the women clients have their own bullshit complaints, so it goes both ways.) Brother, I've heard it all and seen it all over the last twenty-some years. The fish is mute, expressionless. The fish doesn't think because the fish knows everything. | |||
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| paradox in a box |
I’ve no doubt my ex spent every dime on my kids. That’s what she did, spend money and spoil kids. That doesn’t make it right. I should have been able to provide for my kids as I saw fit with them 50% of the time. I fucked that up. I didn’t even realize joint custody was a thing. Just thought every other weekend was normal. These go to eleven. | |||
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| Still finding my way |
I'm sorry to hear that my friend. Your story is way too common. Us dads should never have to fight to get equal time. | |||
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| Little ray of sunshine |
I don't disagree with you on this point. The fish is mute, expressionless. The fish doesn't think because the fish knows everything. | |||
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| Freethinker |
Some time ago I read an opinion piece decrying the (apparent) fact that men are more and more avoiding marriage. The author (a woman, IIRC) blamed it on the ready availability of Internet porn, with the unstated implication that men could get all the sex they wanted (albeit solitary) without having a sex partner. That claim about avoiding marriage caused me to wonder if there could be other, more likely reasons as well. The first that came to mind were the current domestic violence laws that give huge arbitrary power to women over their intimate partners. Even if a claim is totally unjustified and overturned, the merest accusation will result in an arrest and otherwise having one’s life turned upside down. I don’t know how many young men would factor something like that into their decisions about forming relationships, but probably more than zero. (Yes, sometimes women get arrested for DV, but those very rare cases are usually based on more than an unsupported allegation.) No one expects to have a DV allegation levied against himself, but no one expects to be paying a couple of decades of child support either. Nevertheless, again it’s possible that as the law exerts more and more control over such issues, the number of men who become aware of it and consider it isn’t zero. Oh, yeah: This thread makes clear why so many men are likely to quibble over whether it’s appropriate to tip a restaurant server on the basis of the pretax or final restaurant bill. ► 6.0/94.0 I can tell at sight a Chassepot rifle from a javelin. | |||
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| Member |
Divorce, Ex-Wife, Child Support the bane of marriage for some of us. | |||
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| Member |
I knew a woman in Pennsylvania who was married and divorced four times. Had five children, got generous child support from ex husbands and got a house in one settlement. She does not work but lives very well, thank you four suckers. ********* "Some people are alive today because it's against the law to kill them". | |||
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Member |
It's a business. _________________________________________________________________________ “A man’s treatment of a dog is no indication of the man’s nature, but his treatment of a cat is. It is the crucial test. None but the humane treat a cat well.” -- Mark Twain, 1902 | |||
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Member |
Okay, I'll say that back in the early 80's I was working at a place with a guy who was paying child support on 5 children through 5 different woman... taught me a lesson that I fixed at age 24... $185 for a VASECTOMY! Not one regret in the last 41 years. My Native American Name: "Runs with Scissors" | |||
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| Made from a different mold  |
Once upon a time in Baumholder, Germany at final formation before getting released for a 3 day weekend a female E-5 asked everyone to hang tight for some "exciting news". She said she and her husband of 3 years (E-6 in the same unit) were finally gonna be having a baby as she was pregnant. In front of the entire battalion, he said "bitch, YOU'RE having a baby, I had a vasectomy when I was 19!" She started bawling her eyes out and even the CSM was laughing his ass off. Hilarity ensued and it really did make my weekend. She was a shitty NCO and even shittier person. This E-6's dad was a Retired CSM who had passed his wisdom down to him and it saved potential child support issues for a kid that wasn't even his. ___________________________ No thanks, I've already got a penguin. | |||
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| Eye on the Silver Lining |
Nor do I, but then actually step up and ask for it and then actually BE PRESENT and parent for that 50% of the time instead of getting a sitter or asking the ex-wife or new gf to cover. I think a lot of those exes would be totally cool with that unless they had some fear of neglect or abuse. ETA: OP, I’m sorry for your situation. I remember, in the recent past, you trying desperately to get home from overseas to be with your family. __________________________ "Trust, but verify." | |||
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Member |
Congrats frayedends!
My ex didn't buy Gucci purses, but I found it a bit odd that the frequency of new cars (4) and trips to HI (5) went way down after my child support payments ended (16+ years). It's been 9 years now and no new cars and only one trip to HI from what I've heard. | |||
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| Lead slingin' Parrot Head  |
https://m.youtube.com/shorts/-4gq_3-zkro
Yeah, this very topic is increasingly being discussed on formats like talk radio. Internet porn is certainly one of the major factors, along with DV laws that favor women...but in addition, many young men are increasingly concerned about false rape/ sexual assault accusations, and are also becoming beta males, with women increasingly becoming disinterested in the quality of men available. On the one hand the prevailing narrative is that men should be more feminine, sensitive, emotional, soft-spoken, subservient and less aggressive... and yet once women have entered into a relationship with men like this, they find themselves unhappy and unsatisfied. All of this doesn't bode well for male/ female marriage and relationships... or future birthrates. | |||
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| paradox in a box |
That wasn't me. My only struggles have been getting my kids to show up and hang out for more than an hour. Overall my biggest mistake, and one that lots of guys getting divorced make, is not fighting enough for what's right. At the point of divorce we are so worn out we just want to get out, that we don't feel like fighting. The amount of support I paid was way too high. My ex is self employed, so a lot of her "income" is easily hidden. For example, her car is paid by the business. Not used for business, but it appears that way. That's $600/month income she didn't put on her financial statement. Lots of other stuff like that. These go to eleven. | |||
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Member |
I avoided it for that but for so many more reasons. DV charges, rape charges (women are accusing rape when it’s completely false and getting their boyfriend, friend, or partner arrested), but the biggest reason is half. As someone who had to raise themselves from a very very young age, and get a job way too early in life, well life has all been uphill. I’ve worked for every single I have ever earned, and I had to be an adult at a very young age which meant I got little to no childhood. I’m not whining about it either. Other people had it worse. I put myself through degrees, OTJ training, etc, and it was a grind. So with all that, the state can take half my shit that I’ve spent my entire life earning? The last time I checked, no woman went to school for me when I was sick, filled in, did my homework, did my presentations, etc. Likewise, they don’t fill in for me at work when I’m out. But I invite the state into my life, my relationship everything changes and I can lose half my shit I’ve spent a lifetime building and earning? Until the laws change, and maybe some dude will take on the establishment, I will not do it without an ironclad prenup. I came close to marriage twice and believe me, the prenup was a sticking point. Would be wife #1, was my soulmate, high school sweetheart, etc. Upon engagement she made a big list of financial demands. This was 20 years ago. Many of her demands I was extremely uncomfortable with so I demanded we get a prenup. After fighting and some weeks later she said “I sure kicked that prenup in the ass” and I replied “Well I’m kicking this relationship in the ass.” 6 months later she married some dude that fell to all her demands and the guy is a simp. She was never in love with him either as she has emailed, etc, saying it was all a mistake. Begged to have another chance with me but at the same time she did not want to change and all her same bullshit existed, she just wanted it with me instead of him. Nope. I would never give into those demands because they weren’t fair. Everything was < her. She would not compromise on anything so adios. I date now, various ages. The women I date in their 20’s, you wouldn’t believe how delusional they are about dating, responsibility, anything and everything. So many I’ve dated have got it into their head they’re going to marry the .05% of men out there, high earners, and that they won’t have to work, etc. You should hear what they say, it’s mind blowing. They don’t want to cook, clean, nor any traditional role (which I’m 100% about splitting up household duties, I cook, I clean, etc) but they do want the money 1955 style so in other words a complete double standard. And these young men trying to date them, and all these women are programmed by social media, virtue signaling, women power movement (in film, everywhere), the men trying to date them don’t stand a chance. How many angry young men who can’t get laid are going ballistic in society, ending up on the news after some horrific act they have performed? There are statistics out there. I don’t think we’ve ever had the 18-30 year old virgins we have now. I mean it’s bad. Used to, with women men would have to compete locally. That was how it was when I grew up. Now, from teenage years she’s got photos all online on apps and she is advertising it world wide so these young men that are local to her have to compete with higher earners, older men, etc, all over the world. Dating has shifted, a monumental shift, to online. It’s called the sexual marketplace and women are engaged in it and looking worldwide for that .05-1%. Best of luck to our young men as they are going to need all they can get of it. The next thing I will say is marriage itself. Marriage is a religious act. You are declaring publicly to God almighty, a promise, not to your wife first, but to God. Those vows you recite, the promise you are making to her is 2nd, a distant 2nd. First and foremost it’s a promise, and a pact to God. You are giving your word to the almighty. So in reality for a marriage all that needs to be done is go meet with a Priest, a pastor. You can go on a Tuesday morning or afternoon when they aren’t busy. 10-15 minutes, and if you were a member of the Parish, probably wouldn’t charge you a dime. The whole thing, marriage, is about reciting those promises to the almighty. That’s it. No 20k, 30k wedding needed, irrelevant. The billion dollar wedding industry is nothing more than marketing. Same thing for the rock. It’s not in the Bible that you buy a diamond engagement ring. That’s just a marketing campaign by DeBeers. Circa 1938. Diamonds weren’t worth shit until the late 1800’s. You can read about it here: https://blog.hubspot.com/marke...s-marketing-campaign So a current society marriage, 20k. That’s the low end. The rock, 10k. The honeymoon, another 10k. So young people could be 40-50k in debt, and I mean the husband really, before their marriage even has any time in it. That’s crazy. And what blows my mind is people that don’t believe in God do it. People that don’t go to church do it. They don’t follow God, they don’t pray, etc. So go through all this, all that money, the debt, signing up with the government like a baseball or football contract, and don’t even believe in God? Why? Society? Sounds like a big bag of shit to me. I’m Christian so the God part is my only concern, not the state, not the $$$$$. But I see the opposite and have seen it my whole life. All the concern and effort isn’t God, just a bunch of fake societal bullshit. Well no thanks. A ring is inconsequential to me and I will never buy a diamond. Matching wedding bands to show everyone we are married yes. A wedding band for me to tell other women, no, the answer is no, I’m taken. And that could be a $20 silicon ring. And for the wife, the same. Nothing more is needed other than a visible sign that she is not available for your advances. She has made a commitment to another and to God the almighty. So that and half an hour or less with a Priest. The rest of it is completely inconsequential. Then a prenup. I have to protect my life before her. That means my property, etc, is not up for debate should something happen where she all of a sudden isn’t happy and wants out. She will not be taking my home, my property, my retirement and savings I have put aside. If I married a woman who made 5X what I make, fine, I wouldn’t want a dime of her money. Same goes if she made the same money, less money, etc. I do not want a red cent. That’s her money she earned and I’m not entitled to it, even if she is a millionaire. I did not earn that money, she did. The reality that I’ve seen today is my money is “our” money. And her money is “her” money. Too many double standards for me. The last thing I’d say on this is if I found the right woman for me. I would certainly get married. And say if my wife got sick. Not only would I support her 100%, I’d sell everything I own to do so. The house, good bye, all personal belongings, goodbye. I’d go into hock too to pay her medical bills. And I would gladly give up my life if need be, sacrificing myself for her to live in any life threatening situation. Because I made a commitment to God, that’s it, I’m on the hook and will stand. But I expect the exact thing in return from a woman, loyalty, in good times, in bad times, sickness and in health, for richer or poorer. So if, and when it’s a 2 way street, I’m game. But not until then and with what I’m seeing today probably never. What am I doing? I'm talking to an empty telephone | |||
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| Peace through superior firepower  |
You're paying "child" support for someone old enough to vote, buy liquor, etc?  | |||
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