How do you catch a unique rabbit?

You 'neek up on him.


How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Tame way.



Mary Jane was walking along the beach when she saw a man in the ocean yelling "Help, shark!".

Mary Jane just laughed and laughed. She knew that shark wouldn't help that man.

Dad joke, but for older kids:

How do you catch an elephant?

You dig a big enough hole, fill it with ashes, and put a row of peas around the rim.

When the elephant steps up to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hole.

Q: Why is a pterodactyl so quiet in the bathroom?

A: The 'p' is silent.

This guy was lonely, and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.

So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an

unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which

came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he

would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink. So he

asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's with me

and have a root beer?"

But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he

waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going out and

having a cup of coffee with me?"

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a

few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one

more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and

shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a

drink with me?"

A little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I'm

putting on my shoes."

The electricity was out at the local elementary school. The students were de-lighted.

After over 100 years at the bottom of the ocean the pools, bath tubs, and toilets of the Titanic are still full of water.

Rene' Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks if he would like a drink.
Descartes replies "I think not", and vanishes.

What do you call an paper airplane that wont fly?



Stationary.

Why did the old man fall into a well? He just couldn't see that well.

My pronouns are he, he, he.

I identify as a comedian.

Why can't the toilet paper cross the road?

It keeps getting stuck in the cracks.

My favorite one. It brought the house down at a Boy Scout meeting one night.

“Why are the ships of the Norwegian Navy all bar-coded?

So when they come into port, they can scandinavian.”

The driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig and ploughed into an empty toll booth, smashing it to pieces. Some time after the driver had reported the damage, he watched as a repair truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers. They picked up each broken piece of the wreckage and spread a creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new.

Astonishing! said the truck driver to the crew chief. “What was the white stuff you used to stick all the pieces together?”



Oh, that was tollgate booth paste

My girlfriend choked to death in front of me. It was a terrible blow...

My friend was kidnapped by a mime. They did unspeakable things to him.

quote:

Originally posted by rsbolo:

quote:

Originally posted by ChicagoSigMan:

quote:

Originally posted by rsbolo:

quote:

Originally posted by 4x5:
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
.
.
.
.
Because 7 8 9

Then tell this one in Yoda voice...

<Yoda voice> Why was 6 afraid of 9
<Yoda voice> Because 7 9 8

Think you mean "Because 9 7 8"

Ha! I goofed up the dad joke!

Yes - you turned it into a Mom joke.

The sign said Mexican Grill. Is that where they interrogate the aliens?

Did you know it's rude to make jokes about vegan food? It's completely tasteless.