My wife voted for O the first time. Now she's all in and riding the Trump train! Pretty sure my lib daughter blames it on me.

Here’s Obama’s original statement, in an October 2008 campaign visit to Columbia, Mo:

"Now, Mizzou, I just have two words for you tonight: five days. Five days. After decades of broken politics in Washington, and eight years of failed policies from George W. Bush, and 21 months of a campaign that's taken us from the rocky coast of Maine to the sunshine of California, we are five days away from fundamentally transforming the United States of America.

"In five days, you can turn the page on policies that put greed and irresponsibility on Wall Street before the hard work and sacrifice of folks on Main Street. In five days, you can choose policies that invest in our middle class, and create new jobs, and grow this economy, so that everyone has a chance to succeed, not just the CEO, but the secretary and janitor, not just the factory owner, but the men and women on the factory floor."


What you are seeing now and in the near future is very similar. Obama on the Left and PDJT on the right. The people spoke during the election. The vast majority voted for PDJT's vision. The people who didn't vote for this are the ones crying. To them we say "Waaaaaaaaaah"

Para is right, it is the same way with my left leaning neighbor. It is useless trying to reason so I do not even talk about it with him. I am grateful the spousal unit and I have the same beliefs. It would be hard living with that every day.

I'm sorry, I'm just so sorry for you. Each day I come home and run in and ask my wife what did trump do today and she dumps a day of X on me of just win after win. It's a lot of fun and I'm sad you don't have that.

Our marriage likely not survive such political diversity as you have. I pray you and your wife find some peace and a path to move forward.

quote:

Originally posted by bob ramberg:
Thanks Para and the rest of you guys for letting me vent and for your advice.

Para - you are right. the best solution is to just not talk about it. I am all for it. And I've said as much. But she always has to say something. I think she spends too much time on her phone looking up stuff to get riled up about. I come home and she has a new issue to bitch about and wont let it go. She "just want to make me aware of what I voted for". She's good, does her homework. has sources. Always discounts mine. I don't want to argue with her. She should have been on the debate team. Other than that, he really is a good woman with many great qualities.

Old Rugged - apology accepted.

This is why you shouldn’t talk about it with her. The absolutely most I’d do is tell her once that the topic is off limits to prevent damage to the relationship and that from here out you will not respond to political discussion. From there, I’d do what Mark said. I’d clam up, talk about something else or excuse myself to the garden.

If you need to get it off your chest, come back here and vent. Use this thread to avoid advice that’s destructive. We’ll ‘listen’ and support. If you have doubts personally, post them and you’ll get plenty of confirmation of your choice last November. But do not go back to her with anything. Her comments at this point are the Siren’s song and will only lead to destruction if you are seduced to engage.

There is some great advice about avoiding political discussion. I'd like to further suggest doing more things together.

My significant other is obsessed with law & crime shows. I find them incredibly depressing if watched for more than an hour.

The weather is bad, we go to indoor antique markets. We like to walk around for exercise. We discuss looking at old objects that bring back memories of our youth. We learn more of each other with the conversations. Sometimes, we have a common goal. We both like to cook, so we we hunt down kitchen items. Recently, we bought an old piece of furniture that we both picked out. Just to improve the home cheaply.

Maybe join a cheap gym together. Ask to change any tv to off or to anything not news or political. Do not to mention anything negative like being overweight, but positive like getting better cardio health.

We both love pizza. It is cheap and I came up with a plan to seek out the best within 30 miles. This gave us a lot of cheap "date nights" without even calling them that.

We can't afford vacations, but I always try to find interesting things to do. Finding the best hiking trails, interesting historical things. We always discuss what local festivals we like to attend. Example, we like dogs, so we seek out events involving them.

Women love security. Even when we went through a very long rough patch financially, I reminded her that our immediate picture might not look too good, but our bigger picture is going along great. I gave her hope by reminding her that our home is almost paid off. Our 401k is growing steadily. Our old debts are soon going to be zero. With this, our future looks brighter.

I'm no expert at this stuff, but am observant to learn from old couples. Do things for them that they don't expect. Simple things that show you value them.
I work in a very dirty environment. So I wash my own work clothes at the coin laundromat. If I were single, I'd be doing it anyway. She took it as me helping with the laundry. Not the goal, but I'll take that as a positive.

Just doing stuff together can get the focus on the relationship and away from the negative influences. Doing more stuff outdoors, I learned she loves birds too. Never knew that. Now, getting a bird feeder this spring.

Sorry to be so long, best of luck!

I really feel for you, having opposite political opinions would be unbelievably hard in a marriage. If we cut out political conversations we’d have at least 30% less to talk about. Was your wife like this during Trump’s first term?

quote:

Originally posted by downtownv:
Here’s Obama’s original statement, in an October 2008 campaign visit to Columbia, Mo:

"Now, Mizzou, I just have two words for you tonight: five days. Five days. After decades of broken politics in Washington, and eight years of failed policies from George W. Bush, and 21 months of a campaign that's taken us from the rocky coast of Maine to the sunshine of California, we are five days away from fundamentally transforming the United States of America.

"In five days, you can turn the page on policies that put greed and irresponsibility on Wall Street before the hard work and sacrifice of folks on Main Street. In five days, you can choose policies that invest in our middle class, and create new jobs, and grow this economy, so that everyone has a chance to succeed, not just the CEO, but the secretary and janitor, not just the factory owner, but the men and women on the factory floor."


What you are seeing now and in the near future is very similar. Obama on the Left and PDJT on the right. The people spoke during the election. The vast majority voted for PDJT's vision. The people who didn't vote for this are the ones crying. To them we say "Waaaaaaaaaah"

I remember that speech well... as we had family and friends at Mizzou at the time. My daughter was a plebe at USNA, but had friends at Mizzou.

Obama represented a counter-revolution to the American founding principles.

quote:

Originally posted by bob ramberg:
Thanks Para and the rest of you guys for letting me vent and for your advice.

Bob, I apologize too. The first part of my post was serious, but I ended with an attempt at some humor that was misplaced and not in keeping with the seriousness of your post.

The love you two have for each other is much more important than politics, it isn't even close. I pray that your wife will take an attitude similar to yours and put her political angst on the back burner. I also pray that she will come to see the positive in this administration.


.

quote:

Originally posted by bob ramberg:
I come home and she has a new issue to bitch about and wont let it go. She "just want to make me aware of what I voted for".

You're a better man than I, Bob. I wouldn't be able to live with that.

I hesitate to offer advice because I haven't been there and I'm in no position, otherwise, to be qualified to do so, but I believe, were it me, and I really wanted to save my marriage, it would be time for a serious heart-to-heart conversation.

It would go something like this, on my part: "I love you more than anything, but I can't take this, day in, day out, anymore. You have your views. I have mine. We're clearly not going to change one another's minds. So we need to stop talking about it entirely. Otherwise I fear for our marriage because I'm not kidding: I really can't take this anymore."

Then I'd endeavor to make her understand what that means, if the conversation, alone, didn't get it through to her.

Not sure how I'd do that, but I'm thinking it would start with, if I entered the house and she started again, silently turning around and walking right back out, not to return for a bit.

quote:

Originally posted by mark123:
What i began doing was immediately removing myself from the situation as soon as it began.
...

I never argued back, not even once. I just left.

Yes. Like this.

quote:

Originally posted by TigerDore:
The love you two have for each other is much more important than politics, it isn't even close.

To you. But, you see: You're rational.

There was a time when a common refrain around here was "liberalism is a mental disorder" or the like. I used to find that objectionable because: 1. I am a liberal (classical) and 2. Because I thought it too easy, a cheap shot, to write off opinions contrary to ones own as "they're nuts."

My views have... *cough*... "evolved," one could say.

I am now a subscriber to the belief in the woke/Marxist "mind virus." I've seen too many people whose opinions I regard too highly make the argument it's real to be able to dismiss it any longer.

Plus I can see no other way to explain the utter irrationality of today's left. They literally make no sense half the time. (And "half" is perhaps generous.)

Sadly: It looks very much like his wife has been afflicted with this malady. Such people usually aren't on good terms with a little thing we call "reality," which goes quite a way in explaining why you usually can't have meaningful conversations with them.


Good luck, Bob. I wish you and your marriage all the best.

Me three - my wife does not share my enthusiasm or persuasion for Conservatism.

She did not vote for Trump, not sure if she voted for Harris - asked her not to and she seemed to indicate she wouldn't.
It wasn't because she is an avid Democrat ~ it is because she is extremely ignorant of the facts.
She really is ambivalent of issues and never really reacts much or comments.

Me on the other hand am the opposite and it is well known my views.
It is not really a problem and we never discus politics.

A rather odd arrangement as most of our friends are all Conservative.
Since she know very little _ she just shuts up as she knows she cannot discuss politics intelligently.

Not ideal, frustrating for me, but mostly just a disappointment.
We have ben together for 42 years.

I wish you the best Bob.

quote:

Originally posted by bob ramberg:
I don't know if I am going to make it through the next 4 years without moving out. My wife is sure that we are headed for a dictatorship/end of the world etc. with Trump at the helm. Every day I come home to "you know what Trump did today?"...

Bob, I'm sorry you're going through this.

Jmho, but I believe there is an actual mental illness in some people which comes out as true TDS. It seems to be an addiction or an obsession with searching for more information, much of which simply confirms their worry or belief.

I saw something similar with my father who lived in Manhattan when 9/11 happened. He was supposed to meet a friend at the WTC that morning, and he did know some of the people who died. Then he became obsessed with the news, which ran literally 24/7 on the local news stations.

Our brains don't understand instant replay. When we see something terrible repeated on the news, to our brain each repeat is a new event. It can cause a PTSD like situation, and a compulsion to keep seeking more news.

I think it would be helpful to get your wife off of all the media. Even just a one week moratorium.

Is a vacation getaway possible? Somewhere with distractions from media. (We like cruises in part because of a total disconnect from all media is easy).

Some kind of counseling might help but she would have to buy in. It would likely have to be couched as either general anxiety reducing or even couples counseling. She would have to discover on her own that she needs to step away from politics. I can't see it being successful for you to tell her she needs counseling for TDS! But a casual musing that she seems stressed out and maybe talking to someone might help her feel happier? Her priest, a counselor, etc.

Again, jmho, but I think you might need to be really firm with her that politics is poisoning the marriage, and while you respect her right to her views, the topic needs to become off-limits. And request that she turn off all media for the next week as an experiment. Make it about the marriage relationship, not about her or Trump.

Bob, I feel for you and am saying a prayer that things will work out between you. I recommend following para's advice and having as much patience as you can.

My wife and I have been married for 36-years, too, and I'm lucky that we agree on most political point and generally settle on the same candidate when it comes time to vote, even if we have to hold our noses to do it.

Ensigmatic and Mark123 more or less said everything I was thinking. I really wish you the best and hope you and your wife can come to some sort of mutual agreement on how to handle this in a way that allows the marriage to not only survive, but to flourish.

quote:

If both of you want to stay together, there is one solution only: Don't talk about it. Just resolve to accept that there is a difference of opinion, and then simply avoid the subject.

And I wouldn’t be shy about making it perfectly clear what is at stake if in the same position. An unenviable position to be in, hope it works out.

How did your wife handle the previous four years of President Trump? She survived and the world survived. Why does she think it will be so different now?

Bob,
Sorry for this situation. It must be difficult.

I grew up in a home with parents with very differing political views. The home was marked with alcoholism and serious mental illness; so, often it was not a pleasant place to be. At this point in my life I’ve come to an admiration of them both. I think that there were two keys to their staying married in what must have been a very difficult situation for them both: 1 fixed and clear boundaries (politics was rarely even mentioned in the home) and, 2 their mutual love for the outdoors.

In looking back it seems as though my dad set the boundaries because in conversations with leftist relatives he simply could not be baited into any conversation that he did not want (he was a brilliant man). He just did not respond and moved the conversation to a different subject. It took me a long time to get the idea that some people - even good people - are looking for an argument and not a discussion.

They passed on to their kids a love for the outdoors. When things were going well camping, hiking, photography was their focus. Perhaps stocking the fires of a shared interest (or developing some) might help.

Perhaps professional counseling might help the two of you in setting clear and respectful boundaries.

Your in my prayers,

Silent

Sorry to read about this and can't imagine the stress.

But just to add to think maybe about seeing a counselor together if she would consider it but having not had to use a counselor myself I would not know how to go about finding an appropriate and good one. If anyone thinks that is a bad or risky idea, especially from experience, or has advice how to approach the wife about such without making things much worse please chime in. I would never try to make my wife out as "the problem" but rather word it in that I would like to find a way we can work this out together to be happier and better enjoy our time together.

The bigger question is how did you marry someone like that in the first place. Its brutal to live with someone like that. My guess is logic is out the window with her.

quote:

Originally posted by SIG4EVA:
The bigger question is how did you marry someone like that in the first place. Its brutal to live with someone like that. My guess is logic is out the window with her.

Hmm, I guess at this point it does not really matter but people can and do change over time and many of us have been married for decades. When we got married my wife was 21 and I was 27 and politics was never a topic of discussion. One of my best friend's wife became a public school teacher and she is very different from when I first knew her after being in that profession for decades.