quote:

Originally posted by old rugged cross:
I will just add that "she" is somewhere between 40 and 50 years old. So lets not treat her or act like she is a very young adult. Even though she sounds like she is still acting like one.

Ie: wanting her daddy to walk her down the isle, plaeeeezeeee!

Maybe for a wedding song they will play Madonna, "like a virgin."

This is just silly.

why are you acting like a dick about this guys daughter? It seems uncalled for to me.

OP, you are in quite the bad position here, what they are doing is unfair.

At 40+ she is no kid. She has made her own decision and she will have to live with it.
Walk her down the aisle but do nothing else.

quote:

Originally posted by gjgalligan:
40 something daughter is engaged to an illegal alien. He is not a thug, very hard working but I have no clue if he pays any taxes. Treats my daughter very good.
Daughter expects me to walk her down the aisle and give her away. That goes completely against my principle regarding illegal aliens.
But if I don't do it I will lose my daughter.

Thoughts, or ideas?

Assuming she's not asking for tens of thousands of dollars for an extravagant wedding, why not offer to match dollar for dollar (up to $XXX and BEFORE the wedding) for his effort to become legal. Kind of a like a trial period.

Like others have said, nothing is automatic by simply marrying.

Also, how long have they been dating? Is he assimilating or does his live in Little Tijuana with no intention of ever assimilating?

She is 46. This would be her 2an marriage, she has no children and been single at least 15 yrs. She has a Masters degree that she earned the hard way while single. Has a good job that she seems to love. Owns her own home or should say is buying. Had it for several years.
I think she bought the house prior to any serious dating of this man. They have been dating for 4 or 5 yrs but have now lived together about 2 yrs.

He is Mexican, has been here for several years. Also has 3 daughters that are in Mexico that he sends money to.
He speaks very poor English, very soft spoken. I can hardly understand him.

If this is a principle that you think is more important than your relationship with your daughter, then stay away.

Plus, while anyone old enough to get married is an adult, your daughter is a real dyed in the wool adult. You can't influence her and shouldn't really take stands to try to do so. You can talk to her and offer advice, but with her being 40, that is all you can do.

I can't make that decision for you, although for me, it would not be a hard choice.

Watch the Sanford and Son episode where Julio borrows their truck to bring his sister and mother to Watts.

If he laughs, work with him to become legal. If he gets offended, call ICE.

Why does she feel the need to have a grandiose wedding, when it is her second, and at that age? Secondly, she has to understand that it may not sit well with some family members, so is she doing this purposefully? Lastly, is there something that is gained by getting married for her, or will only he benefit from it?

Personally this sounds like my cousin, who was 38, never married, in the medical field, and met a Mexican. They dated for 2 years lived together for 8 months and decided to get married. IT lasted less than 12 months, and he decided to file fro a green card almost immediately. Unfortunately his unwillingness to learn any English hampered his ability to get the documents together before the divorce papers were filed, and he ended up moving back to Mexico. I will say this, the smartest thing my cousin ever did was to require a prenuptial agreement.

As for illegal aliens - if this guy has made attempts to become a legal citizen, that says something. As others have said, if they are willing illegally sneak into another country, I would hope his first stop was to immigration to file for asylum. I get that everybody wants to come here, after seeing most of South America, but while the standard of life is better for them, there are less $$$ that are used for people in need.

quote:

Originally posted by gjgalligan:
She is 46. This would be her 2an marriage, she has no children and been single at least 15 yrs. She has a Masters degree that she earned the hard way while single. Has a good job that she seems to love. Owns her own home or should say is buying. Had it for several years.
I think she bought the house prior to any serious dating of this man. They have been dating for 4 or 5 yrs but have now lived together about 2 yrs.

He is Mexican, has been here for several years. Also has 3 daughters that are in Mexico that he sends money to.
He speaks very poor English, very soft spoken. I can hardly understand him.

Is she certain that he's still not married to his 3 kids' mom in Mexico?

Man, looks to me like all kinds of red flags here.

quote:

Originally posted by parabellum:
Drop a dime, turn him in

this. save your daughter a lot of unhappiness and drama

I'd call La Migra on him. You already know he's a criminal.

https://help.cbp.gov/app/answe...ing-illegal-activity

I would say prenup but since he is illegal it would not stand up in court?

Aren't there practical issues here?

Health insurance? Retirement? Social Security?

If he can get a green card / citizenship, that's one thing. But seems like this will be problematic long term for practical reasons.

What if he gets involved in a car accident, if it not his fault, and gets deported?

I dunno - everything has exceptions but this one seems fraught with issue.

I couldn't care less what she does. Other than put him (her father) in a position she knows is very difficult for him. But choose's to do it anyways.

Both her and her father know the situation. This relationship is not new. She knows that he is not keen on it.

As I said. At almost fifty years old. Cut the drama. If she loves the guy go get married. If it, as many of us think it will. Goes south, that is on her.

Putting her father in this position speaks volumes to me about her.

I am sorry to the op.

As I said. Wish you the best.

quote:

f this is a principle that you think is more important than your relationship with your daughter, then stay away.

Plus, while anyone old enough to get married is an adult, your daughter is a real dyed in the wool adult. You can't influence her and shouldn't really take stands to try to do so. You can talk to her and offer advice, but with her being 40, that is all you can do.

I can't make that decision for you, although for me, it would not be a hard choice.

Yep. Agree completely. Accept the things you cannot change. I carefully read all the posts and frankly this makes the most sense to me.

She needs a pre-nup. Half of everything she worked for will be his. Watch out!

Be a father and go to the wedding, if you want any kind of relationship with your daughter for the rest of your life. It's her choice to marry him. What if you don't go, then she has grandkids that you never see?

quote:

Originally posted by saigonsmuggler:

quote:

Originally posted by gjgalligan:
She is 46. This would be her 2an marriage, she has no children and been single at least 15 yrs. She has a Masters degree that she earned the hard way while single. Has a good job that she seems to love. Owns her own home or should say is buying. Had it for several years.
I think she bought the house prior to any serious dating of this man. They have been dating for 4 or 5 yrs but have now lived together about 2 yrs.

He is Mexican, has been here for several years. Also has 3 daughters that are in Mexico that he sends money to.
He speaks very poor English, very soft spoken. I can hardly understand him.

Is she certain that he's still not married to his 3 kids' mom in Mexico?

Man, looks to me like all kinds of red flags here.

YUUGE red flags. My WAG is that she's heading into trouble. BIG trouble.

quote:

Originally posted by 12131:

quote:

Originally posted by saigonsmuggler:

quote:

Originally posted by gjgalligan:
She is 46. This would be her 2an marriage, she has no children and been single at least 15 yrs. She has a Masters degree that she earned the hard way while single. Has a good job that she seems to love. Owns her own home or should say is buying. Had it for several years.
I think she bought the house prior to any serious dating of this man. They have been dating for 4 or 5 yrs but have now lived together about 2 yrs.

He is Mexican, has been here for several years. Also has 3 daughters that are in Mexico that he sends money to.
He speaks very poor English, very soft spoken. I can hardly understand him.

Is she certain that he's still not married to his 3 kids' mom in Mexico?

Man, looks to me like all kinds of red flags here.

YUUGE red flags. My WAG is that she's heading into trouble. BIG trouble.

I agree Doc. It's a no go

What would I do? I would hire a good private detective to see what he could find out about his background.

It isn't a political issue. He's actively breaking the law. But, full grown, adult daughter, talk to her about your concerns. Walk her down the aisle anyway and be there for her if the relationship goes south. What else can you do?