Over the years, we have discussed illegal immigration constantly, in fact, it is easy to say that the vast majority of members here are very much against it, including amnesty. This issue is perhaps the main reason Trump got our support.

But it is interesting when the issue shows up on your own doorstep, as it has in many households across the country. Do we drop our principles because of family? If so, then why criticize other people in this country who feel the same?

If my son was in the same situation, I would strongly advise him against it. Too many red flags. But he is an adult, he would have to make the final decision.

I would tell him to get his shit together before he would attempt to marry my daughter.

He is a "good man" that is putting you and your daughter in a shitty situation for "love".

What happens to your daughter (and any children possibly) if he does something stupid and gets deported? How is he being a "good man" or hardworking help your daughter then?

How would that kind of event affect your relationship with your daughter?

I would be straight up with her. She is an adult, but doesn't sound too smart.

Support your child and, as a wedding gift, hire them a very good immigration attorney.

You don't want potential grandkids losing their father. It only takes one traffic stop.

How can they apply for and receive a marriage license from the state if he is here illegally?

oh , so many questions.

he either has the ability to become a citizen , or he does not, will they be living in his home country ?
can she be a citizen there?

A lot of questions have been asked.
Hopefully the OP will shed some light on them.
Tough call without more info.

If you want to do the right thing by your daughter, you could help this young man resolve his ILLEGAL STATUS first and foremost. THEN he can talk to you about what he wants to do with YOUR daughter. If he's serious about YOUR daughter, and knowing this might take years to resolve, then he'll go through with it.

How long have they known each other/been dating?

I wonder if the daughter is willing to listen to any kind of reason. Women in love tend not to be.

I would do a little research on the immigration issues involved. As pointed out previously, seeing how he's already an illegal, getting him a green card will be difficult to impossible. As stated above, she needs to consider what happens if they get married, and he still gets deported, with little to no chance to ever return legally.

On other thing that hasn't been brought up is the possibility that he's playing her simply in order to marry a citizen and get his immigration issues fixed. If that's possible and happens, what's he going to do at that point? The OP seems to know the guy, but how can you tell that isn't the case?

That said, getting her to think logically about this is not going to be easy. And being 40, she's going to do what she wants to do

quote:

If you want to do the right thing by your daughter, you could help this young man resolve his ILLEGAL STATUS first and foremost.

prior to wedlock , with all of her assets guarded

I'd want to know the answer to several questions:

How long has he been here?

How did he get here?

What has he done to try to become an American thus far?

Is he - so to speak - an American in his heart?

How does he value citizenship? Does he "get" America?

Because - at the end of the day - their marriage no only affects your daughter, it affects us all if he goes on to become a citizen. What sort of citizen will he be? How would he vote? The simple facilitation of his ability to vote could in effect end up canceling your own...

This - because it's a vehicle to citizenship - is bigger than just their marriage.

Now, I can imagine a scenario wherein the above questions are satisfactorily answered, along with the normal questions one might have as a parent, and if so, I'd cautiously support it, and can see loving him like anyone else - if he does and says the right things.

But I would remain very cautious throughout. Countless scams have started with less. Me being me, I'd probably have him thoroughly investigated, one way or another. A grand or three now could save untold heartache and hassle later, but it better stay a secret...

quote:

Originally posted by erj_pilot:
If you want to do the right thing by your daughter, you could help this young man resolve his ILLEGAL STATUS first and foremost. THEN he can talk to you about what he wants to do with YOUR daughter. If he's serious about YOUR daughter, and knowing this might take years to resolve, then he'll go through with it.

How long have they known each other/been dating?

Probably the best advice I can give too.

"Listen, Son, If you want to marry my daughter, and DO THINGS RIGHT, start by taking steps in the RIGHT DIRECTION!"

This would show some of his intentions & character. Let your daughter know.

(My cousin went thru this with their daughter a few years ago. Right now, I think he might be about 1 or 2 steps away from being gator-shit.)

What country is he from? I know when you hear "illegal alien" you automatically think "Mexican".

Turn him in

You asked

Obtaining citizenship isn't even the issue. That isn't necessary. Nor is him wanting to be an American or not. What matters right now is his legal status and him obtaining permanent legal resident status. That should be straightened out before any nuptials because that will certainly complicate life in the future if not make it impossibly for him to ever obtain legal residence.

Your daughter needs to think of herself a bit here and protect herself.

I will just add that "she" is somewhere between 40 and 50 years old. So lets not treat her or act like she is a very young adult. Even though she sounds like she is still acting like one.

Ie: wanting her daddy to walk her down the isle, plaeeeezeeee!

Maybe for a wedding song they will play Madonna, "like a virgin."

This is just silly.

Drop a dime, turn him in

quote:

Originally posted by blueye:
Living in Texas I have heard similar stories and it rarely turns out any good. Guy is Prince Charming before the wedding and once the honeymoon is over tries to practice his countries way of how they treat women. We treat our dogs better here. I have also heard stories where the parents called ICE on the guy before the wedding. Hope it all works out.

This - it should be about shared, core principle values. They should be aligned. Often other cultures don't mix well due to various priorities in values due to upbringing and culture.

quote:

Originally posted by LBAR15:
Just make sure he’s not just in it for the papers. It's sad to say, and I wish nothing but the best for your family but marriage fraud is all too common.

Yep. Happened to my cousin. She was in love, but he disappeared within days following the "marriage". Not saying that's the case here, it happens a lot.

quote:

Originally posted by CoolRich59:

quote:

Originally posted by LBAR15:
Just make sure he’s not just in it for the papers. It's sad to say, and I wish nothing but the best for your family but marriage fraud is all too common.

Yep. Happened to my cousin. She was in love, but he disappeared within days following the "marriage". Not saying that's the case here, it happens a lot.

Within days? That's not how it works. He's not automatically legal right after the wedding. In fact, she could've called USCIS anytime and informed them of what happened and his visa that he most likely had at the time would not be renewed.

And this guy--being illegal as he is--is not going to be able to get any "papers" just because he's marrying a US Citizen.

I think you should sit down with him and a couple of beers and have a talk. Tell him you'd like to see him go back and apply for legal entry if he's serious towards your daughter. After all, you're just trying to protect her from future stress and potential legal issues if or when he's caught up with.