40 something daughter is engaged to an illegal alien. He is not a thug, very hard working but I have no clue if he pays any taxes. Treats my daughter very good.
Daughter expects me to walk her down the aisle and give her away. That goes completely against my principle regarding illegal aliens.
But if I don't do it I will lose my daughter.

Thoughts, or ideas?

What's more important to you, your daughter/grandchildren or your politics? Should be an easy call.

do you like him other than him being illegal? if so and you don't think it would cause a problem how about offering to take care of his citizenship as a wedding gift?

Rock and a hard place. Been there with my children. I believe she knows what you think about the relationship. If not she is out of touch. Go with your heart. Principles do not have to change. Shades of Guess Who is Coming to Dinner. Surprised that someone has not used that for a movie script, My daughter is marrying an illegal alien. I am not making light of your predicament. It is a very hard choice, take your time.

I am glad you felt comfortable sharing that with this Forum. Others will be along with their advice.

Does your dad radar tell you he is a good man? It seems it does. I share your principles about illegal aliens, but that doesn't mean I think they are bad people, I just oppose the breaking of the law.

If he is a good man and you believe that, then walk her down the aisle and help him become a good, legal, American and a conservative.

If you don't do this you will drive a wedge with your daughter it will take forever to repair.

quote:

Originally posted by Fredward:
What's more important to you, your daughter/grandchildren or your politics? Should be an easy call.

Can't say it any better.

Lots of good posts.....

Family over politics always.

I wouldn't support it.
It is a problem that has to be dealt with.

Just make sure he’s not just in it for the papers. It's sad to say, and I wish nothing but the best for your family but marriage fraud is all too common.

If you feel he’s a decent man and truly loves your daughter then you walk her and he will probably be on his path to citizenship soon after anyway.

That's a tough one. I hate illegals as a group, individually I think more than half are good people, just here to better their lives.

If he's a good person who you'd want to marry your daughter anyways, then walk her down the isle and get them and immigration lawyer for a wedding gift.

OTOH, marrying a US citizen is a road to eventual citizenship and one of the easier ones for those it fits.

Just be sure this isn’t the prime motive, of course.

quote:

Originally posted by JALLEN:
OTOH, marrying a US citizen is a road to eventual citizenship and one of the easier ones for those it fits.

Just be sure this isn’t the prime motive, of course.

+1
+1

Even if he’s only in it for the card in the long run and splits, your daughter will still be there. You’ll still get to say “I told you so,” but you won’t be the source of her resentment. Occasionally you still have to back your kids play, even if you think it’s stupid or don’t support it.

I’ll admit, I got nothing on this one. I have a young daughter and would have major issues with it... but then there’s lots of people I’d have Major issues with.

Is she 40--1/2 or 49-1/2?

So maybe not her first marriage?

I must admit I find these types of situations a bit ridiculous at times.

It is not like she is twenty something and getting married for the first time.

Lets not kid ourselves. If she wants to get married, fine. To what ever guy she wants to marry, fine. But to pretend it is going to be something it isn't. Isn't fine for those she expects to participate in it.

She can try to make it something other than what it is. But its not.

She should just go someplace private with the groom to be and get married and be done with it.

jmtcw.

I am guessing there is a lot of stuff between the lines here.

Best of luck.

Though it may violate you principles, I think you have to back your daughter on this one.

quote:

Originally posted by LBAR15:
Just make sure he’s not just in it for the papers...

I nearly fell victim to this scam myself while in college a long time ago. She was from the Middle East, but worked at an American military base before coming here for college, and got a taste for America and Americans. Luckily, I saw a bunch of problems in our future, and broke up before we got married and her student visa expired.

A couple years back I saw a picture of her niece on the Internet (spitting image of her, but with a nose job!), and traced back from that pic to find that she married another American.

Another consideration -- you don't think of illegal immigrant status as serious, but suppose your daughter's boyfriend was a car thief, or got caught scamming his employer out of significant amounts of money. Still, non-violent crimes, but would you think differently of him? Personally, I would not.

In addition, I've come to think of illegal alien status as a "gateway" crime: if they're willing to do that crime, what else will the escalate to, if they feel like it?

I'd oppose the marriage, and try to get your daughter to reconsider.

Sorry if my own experience makes me hard-hearted, but she may end up on the same path that I nearly did.

How long has he been here and what are his plans get a green card? Just marrying a citizen doesn't result in a green card. Seems a fair number marry, have kids but don't do anything about changing their status.

http://americasvoice.org/blog/...ocumented-immigrant/

I would try to determine his sincerity. If he is, then I would embrace him as a son in law and work with him to get his citizenship. But, if he is content with being engaged without a ring and a date and/or living with my daughter, they would both know my displeasure.