Last place I thought of asking for marital advice is a gun board, but here goes.

Wife and I both work in the corporate world. I work in IT and she works for a different company in corporate accounting. She was promoted to manager a little over a year ago. Problem is, every night when she comes home she goes on and on about work.

She tells me about every little thing that goes on, and all the shit she has to put up with. This has been going on for a few years now, but has gotten worse since she was promoted. Now she tells me about the idiots that work for her...and trust me, they are idiots.

The thing is, she does this every single day. I try to be a good husband. I listen to her, give my opinion/advice sometimes, but to be honest I am tired of hearing about it...every.single.day. I've avoided telling her how I don't really care about work, but it is really starting to bother me. We all have shit that happens at work. It's to the point that I now try and find something to do when she gets home so I don't have to listen to it for the 30 - 45 minutes it takes her to tell me about it.

How do I tell her, in a nice way, that I DON'T CARE what happens at work. Maybe I am just a bad husband, I dunno. Thanks for letting me vent.

quote:

Maybe I am just a bad husband,

Yes.

There IS no nice way.

I think this is yet another example of the difference between men and women. My wife does it too. I invariably have to ask, "Who are we talking about now?"

I act interested as long as I can then I remember something I HAVE to do. Good luck

Sometimes, trying to be tactful makes things worse. Just tell her, calmly. Expect a negative reaction. Stick to your guns and ride it out.

Is she a good wife? Do you want to keep her?

If so, then man up and do your duty. She needs your emotional support. Give it to her.

And, really, what are you bitching about? She talks, you listen. EASY.

Want to trade for her doing something that would truly make your life hell, like fucking around, or spending every dime you might possibly make in the next 30 years then dumping you, or getting involved with meth? What she's doing, using you to vent, is a blessing, not a curse. Be grateful.

I understand what you mean, but you will need to change your attitude unless you want to hurt her feelings. Lighten up and be thankful you have a partner in life, look at it that way. And you can be sly and try to redirect the conversation by asking the right question. You will have to figure that one out. talk about vacation etc.

There is more to life than work and talking about work.

Find some other mutually interesting activity. Even if it's just silently reading books in the same room

It's not healthy for her to dwell on this stuff, day in, day out. She needs to separate work and family. Don't bring family stuff to work, don't bring work to family.

Find something enjoyable to do with her, away from the house, after work.
Tell her this is going to be fun... and to keep it fun there will be no talk of work during this time.
If she has a good time, chances are you will get her to see that it was a good idea to take a break from talking about work.

Don't think you are a bad husband and can certainly relate to the issue. It's probably just her way to try to "purge" the days BS. OTOH if it's a cry for help in a bad job situation, that's probably something that she needs to deal with and your listening to it and asking questions might get to the bottom of that and get a decent discussion going on what to do about the situation at work if changes need to be made.

Best of luck.

Maybe you should rephrase the thread title from"I don't care" to "I don't care about your work issues"?

Seriously, you do care about your wife, just be honest with her. Such as, "Look, I know when you get home, you need to vent. I really care about you, and I'm here for you, but I really don't care of the details or drama of your work issues. Could we please keep the conversation about work when you get home to 20 mins max?"

If she is talking to you then she values your advice. Thats a good thing. I would let her go for a bit and then suggest that she its okay for her to leave work at work occasionally. Does she do this at just at home when she comes home. Maybe change up the routine. When she comes home take her out to a new restaurant or go do a new activity. Give her something else to talk about.

I identify with SapperSteel's and konata88's posts very much.

I think you need to do something else after work to get her mind off of work. And if her mind is off of work then she won't talk as much about it and it won't be on your mind too.

I also have to ask as the thought came to me as I was writing, are you resentful that she got promoted or making more money than you? Just a gutcheck. If so, I refer you again to SapperSteel's post.

I've had to vent to my wife continuously about my work. I'm sure she didn't want to hear about it. But I'm glad she took it in and she also thought of ways to help me get my mind off of work like pushing me to go golf and she also got me my dogs which have been a great stress reliever.

Your wife feels like she's all alone at her work and it's stressful. You don't want her to realize she's still all alone when she gets home.

"Marital obligations" are a two way street.

I made a rule for myself: My wife is subjected to my railing about politics in this nation only when I have a full bladder.

This keeps the diatribe brief by necessity.

It's a two-way street, guys. Being subjected to 30-45 minutes of angry monologue five nights a week is a bit much. Sounds like the Mrs. needs this pointed out to her.

You have to be direct.

You aren't a bad husband for not wanting to hear it all.

Tell her you understand she may need to vent about cetain things after work but listening to it all isn't something you want to do.

Or be like all the "SWMBO" grovelers and let her keep your balls in her purse.

Just about everyone should leave work at work just about all of the time.

Now, if your job had a robbery, or some poor coworker had a heart attack during a meeting, or something else extraordinary happens, sure, talk about it.

But otherwise, leave that shit at work, where it belongs.

Sadly, most seem incapable of disinterested in doing so.

Good luck. It's rarely easy to change for most folks, IME.

I make such notions clear when dating and getting to know folks, focusing on and advocating what I consider the benefits of a proper work/life balance, a key tenant of which is - leave work at work.

A bit of humor



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

the good news is, you are apparently above her in the chain of command... bad news is, you are not really, you are married.



Seriously - talk about it - softly, and suggesting that you both try to leave work at work, and thereby be able to enjoy the evening.

Generally speaking, women need to talk about their day to process it and work through stuff while most men don't. I can completely understand your frustration with this as my wife and I have worked for the same company for the last 18 years. We face the same problems with the same people every day. She has to talk about it much more than I do.

Men have a need to identify a problem and come up with a solution to it. Fix it and move on is our motto. It's often really frustrating to listen to another person's problems and not be able to fix it, and even more frustrating to come to the realization that they're not looking for a fix. They just want to vent. It feels like it's time we'll never get back. The reality is, this is important time. You love her. Focus on that.

The alternative is worse.

"How the hell can a person
go to work in the morning,
come home in the evening,
and have nothing to say?"

John Prine- Angel from Montgomery

You should take her to the range with you, every night. She can rant while you are shooting. Wear hearing protection..just kidding of coarse.

Marriage? I got nothing to offer.

My wife needs to vent much more than I do. The trick is remembering that she doesn't want you to make it better, just listen. I think men and women just handle things differently.