Just say "Baby, leave work at work. Home is for love making." Then plant one on her when she starts taking about work.

I used to complain a lot. My wife taught me (and continues to remind me):

1) Be grateful for our lives, warts and all. It's better than 90% of the people worldwide.

2) God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and the Wisdom to know the difference.

Complaining about work is sometimes like complaining about the weather. There are better things you could be doing with that time. No regrets.

quote:

Originally posted by mark123:
Just say "Baby, leave work at work. Home is for love making." Then plant one on her when she starts taking about work.

There you go.

quote:

The thing is, she does this every single day. I try to be a good husband. I listen to her, give my opinion/advice sometimes,

That is almost certainly not what she's hoping for...

If you don't listen to her work issues, there is a chance that she will find someone else to vent with. Would you rather that she go to a local bar after work and vent with someone there over gin and tonics? I'll bet not. That's what my first and short lived wife did. Not fun!!

Jim

"The nail" is hilarious. That just warmed my soul for some reason.

You made a commitment to her: you married her. That leaves the two of you with two options:

Option 1): She talks to you.
Option 2): She talks to someone else.

Option 2) can lead directly to your marriage ending.

You make the call.

You can win-win this one.

Tell her you don't give a flying fuck about the people she's describing--they're idiots. [satisfies your need to be honest and your frustration about their antics]

-BUT-

You will listen to her because YOU DO CARE ABOUT HER.

This will recenter the values in the conversation, and also let her know that you care while also devaluing the need to recount the actual details of every incident.

Usually women really don't want advice to solve their problems...they just want to talk and share their feelings.

I'd suck it up and listen or she may find someone else to talk to.

Thanks guys. I think my problem is I tend to be too direct. If I see a problem, I bluntly point it out. I've been hoping the problem would go away on its own, but it hasn't. I'll try to come up with a tactful response.

Our kids are in Kindergarten & 1st grade, so it's hard to make other plans for after work.

I am not jealous of her promotion. I actually make considerably more than she does, and I have a much better work schedule. I get every other Friday off and I work from home. Her work is a bit of a shit show, so there's high turnover. She's really under paid for being a manager, but because people don't last more than 2 years she should get promoted to Director in the next year or two. Then she can leave for another job with better pay, and better working conditions.

1 issue we have is where we live. 99% of the corporate accounting jobs would require her to commute 30 - 45 minutes each way in ideal conditions. The company she works for kinda sucks, but the commute is very easy because of where we live.

I appreciate the advice.

I always find it interesting when someone asks "you know what annoys me?"

Answer: Well I don't but I don't want to be annoyed by it if you don't, so you don't need to tell me about it.

I've had this issue in the past that was solved by bringing it up politely and also establishing a 30 min cool down period from when the wife gets home. It really slowed down the venting. It occasionally still happens and I listen and provide feedback when she's wanting it.

I did once have a female co-worker who said "I would never take work home(venting) and place that burden on my spouse". Everyone is different but if it is bothering you, I would communicate it to my spouse.

P.S. you do realize you did what she does to you on a gun forum(venting to us)

What we have here is failure to communicate.

My wife and I have gone to a number of marriage courses over the years, pre-emptive counseling I guess you could say to stay healthy. One of the reoccurring items which comes up is the misunderstanding that women have a need to talk and just have someone listen. She doesn't need you to fix anything, may not need or even want your input or advice. She just needs someone to listen and as her husband there is an expectation that you will be there for her.

Telling her that you don't care will probably cause significant damage. But you need to have a tactful discussion and set some boundaries. Maybe a time limit, maybe redirect her to a girlfriend, i dont know. But if this has been simmering for years you need to figure something out before you have a real problem.

"Honey, I see you've had a stressful day at work. Let's make a rule then to help you cope with it. Let's agree to only talk about it Tuesdays and Fridays."

For one thing, it's nice that your wife has a job!

As years go by, you may develop an ability to listen without actually paying attention. I call it selective listening.

make it about her, not about you. Instead of telling her you're sick of listening to her tell her you are worried about her obsession with what is going on at work. she should find a way to be reasonably happy about work or quit.

My wife is the same way, but I've figured out a solution that works for me. I generally know what time she'll be home, and that's about the time I'll go out onto the back deck and have a cigar.

She comes home, vents about her day if she needs to, and when I'm done with the smoke, the whole getting up and moving into the house will usually shift her mind to "oh, I need to get changed!"

If I can't do that, then I'll usually try to be working on some other project that can keep me busy while she vents.

It's gotten better for her with a company change, so there's significantly less venting, but the point is she needs someone to download her frustrations on that has her back. I'd tell you to suck it up and listen, but that'd be bad advice if it's truly making you miserable. Just be forewarned, the whole "stop bothering me with this" attitude may get you into a lot more trouble than you've bargained for.

quote:

Originally posted by konata88:
I used to complain a lot. My wife taught me (and continues to remind me):

1) Be grateful for our lives, warts and all. It's better than 90% of the people worldwide.

2) God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and the Wisdom to know the difference.

Complaining about work is sometimes like complaining about the weather. There are better things you could be doing with that time. No regrets.

Good medicine here.

Venting on occasion is healthy. Everyday, this comes to mind:

Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

If one complains and vents everyday, be careful what it might do to your character.

Women like to talk about problems.
Men like to solve problems.
Men find it psychologically stressful having to listen to problems that they can not hope to solve.

On the other hand, do you want her telling all her problems to another guy?

Dealt with a similar situation with Mrs 12GA a few years back. I dutifully listened every night after (and sometimes during) dinner. I gave no advice but would occasionally agree that her co-workers and Supervisors were jerks.

Finally, I arrived where you are today. My solution: "Darling, I don't want you to work at a place that you're so unhappy. Let's find you a job elsewhere."

Women need to vent. The trick is for them to put some limit on it, to realize when it's gone from venting to being stuck in a never-ending cycle of complaining that's toxic.