lbj, I haven't posted often in this thread but have followed some of your updates.

I wouldn't presume to tell you about right and wrong decisions. I've had the pleasure of meeting you on a couple occasions as well as exchanging emails in the past. I trust your analytical ability and judgement, not to mention your own good character and sense of right and wrong. The simple truth is that, in something as personal as life and death, there is no "wrong" answer... only a decision that is right for you and your family and friends.

You have touched others in a meaningful and positive way, myself included.

I only hope that you will not make any quick decisions, but instead take some time to pray and search your soul, before making any decisions.

I pray that you find the peace of mind in your reflections and you and your family will remain in my prayers.

Your situation and the progression of your cancer has given me strength and a positive outlook toward my battle with the disease.

My prognosis is far more positive than yours and whenever I find myself feeling sorry for myself I think of you and your family and the horror of the decisions you are forced to make.

I just want you to know that your openness in this thread is really helping someone else with their situation and is creating a positive from a negative. I thank you for that.

This is the first post by me in this dialog because the last thing I want is to create a slight hijack away from your situation. As I stated, my long term prognosis is very positive so I don't want anyone to respond to my battle. This will be the last time I bring it up.

God bless you and your family in these trying times, and believe me when I say you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Jim

Everyone is pulling for you. As my wife would say, "Are you talking with your SIGforum buddies again?" You have a lot of people you have never met concerned for both you and your family.

Tom,

I read your post a couple of hours ago and decided to take off early for lunch. I found a shady spot, parked my truck and just thought about you and your situation and said a few words of prayer.

I have no advice; it's hard to realistically imagine being in your shoes. It's one thing to do a thought exercise, but entirely different when it's for real.

Know that there are many here thinking of you and praying for the best outcome possible.

Now this part might get interesting.

The Votrient had made my hair come in white, so I am kind of 2 tone with regards to hair color.
It looks to some like I had been dyeing my hair and the gray was coming in. Of course, it's just the opposite, my old hair color was going away and the white from the drug replacing it.

I am guessing here a bit, but I am thinking my old natural color may begin to grow back in.
If true, then I will have a white tiger stripe surrounded on either side by dark blonde.

That will look odd, kind of punky.
Maybe it will start a new trend.

I'm sorry. Do what you feel is right.

It does kind of boil down to that, doesn't it.
At this point, it's more about my family than it is about me.

That's a good thing and better than it being only about me.

quote:

Originally posted by Jimbo54:
Your situation and the progression of your cancer has given me strength and a positive outlook toward my battle with the disease.

My prognosis is far more positive than yours and whenever I find myself feeling sorry for myself I think of you and your family and the horror of the decisions you are forced to make.

I just want you to know that your openness in this thread is really helping someone else with their situation and is creating a positive from a negative. I thank you for that.

This is the first post by me in this dialog because the last thing I want is to create a slight hijack away from your situation. As I stated, my long term prognosis is very positive so I don't want anyone to respond to my battle. This will be the last time I bring it up.

God bless you and your family in these trying times, and believe me when I say you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Jim

I appreciate that. However, your cancer is no less important than mine.
If anything I write helps you or someone else, it's beautiful thing.

LBJ continued prayers here. I am sorry the treatment is failing you. I wish you continued strength to fight in whichever manner you choose.
Big hug from afar.

Para said:

quote:

<snip>...You are not thinking clearly right now, Tom.

This news is so fresh, I watched both my grandparents struggle thru similar scenarios. Hoping you are able to take some time and review everything you know, and make decisions from there.

In addition - it may be time to contact Hospice. Before anyone attack me for suggesting you 'give up', I want to stress that I have seen the near miracle work of hospice on two separate occasions. In my grandpa's case he was part of the program from nearly a year, in my Gramma's, almost two. Everything is case-by-case, but the services and counseling they provide, it is indescribable - and I think all of us, including my grandparents, would have had a much more difficult experience had we not involved them. (hospice.)

I believe in the power of prayer, and I will pray for healing and comfort to you and your family and friends.

Have you talked with the doctors about anything different that other cancer centers are doing for this type of situation? Would it be worth making a contact with those centers for an appraisal?

Prayers sent Tom.

I continue to pray for you, sir.

May God grant you the strength and courage to fight while it is possible and the equal courage to accept when fighting is no longer an option.

Tom,

I am sorry to hear the latest update. Continuing to pray for you and yours.

Sure this news is fresh in and on my mind.
I will leave that to others to decide for themselves whether I am clear of thought or whatever. I have no problem with that.

Part of my intent when I started this thread was to show in real time what I am going through, as opposed to snippets of conclusions and determinations. This is why I do this in real time.

Myself included, we get to read about the process, not just the result.
Most of this cancer illness for me is process.
And that process has led me in many unexpected directions, but again, that's the process.

I still truly believe that the process I post here will be valuable to some.
No one I have ever known in my life who faced such an illness has described the process to me.
I understand that for them, it is/was private for them.

So now it's my turn to face an illness and this is what I do. Am I an odd duck? I hope so.
I think what I am doing here is revealing the depth of my human experience and I admit that some of this is not necessarily and particularly pretty.

But that's the process.

Someone above mentioned hospice.
I cannot say what the future holds regarding my feeling about such. Currently, I'd like to avoid that, but evolution of thought is at play.

quote:

I still truly believe that the process I post here will be valuable to some.No one I have ever known in my life who faced such an illness has described the process to me.

I for one value everything you post about what you are going through. People don't like to think about it, but facing a terminal illness is literally one of the most important moments in one's life. Being able to follow it with you is a rare and meaningful experience. We all have an idea about we'd deal with this situation, but none of us really know. You're doing me personally a service by sharing it.

I'm sorry this happened, LBJ. This must be really hard.

Sorry to hear the news wasn't better. We'll keep you in our prayers.

quote:

Originally posted by lbj:
It's OK, it's God's plan for me.

Yes, with God's grace we too shall join in the circle of life.

LBJ - I thank you for all you share with us through this forum over few years I've been here.

You and Parabellum have facilitated so many relationships via this forum through your generosity of time, money and passion. It's been a huge impact in my time here, and for that I thank you.

I pray that you may continue to contribute for as long as you wish. I hope that means you are here for the next 10!

My parents were probably right about one thing. They used to tell me that even as a very small child I tended to over think things here and there.

I may be doing that now. In fact, I am because that's who I have always been.
A tiger cannot change it's stripes.

I am again reminded of the book The Little Prince. It was very much a part of shaping me when I was young.
It taught me that I am unique in the whole world. That idea of being unique is how I live life and what gives my life meaning.

Same old same old, ha! I scoff at the very notion of same old.
It must be the rebel in me.

In fact, here is a photo of my great great, 1st Georgia Cavalry Company D.
History is cool.

quote:

Originally posted by lbj:
My parents were probably right about one thing. They used to tell me that even as a very small child I tended to over think things here and there.

I may be doing that now. In fact, I am because that's who I have always been.
A tiger cannot change it's stripes.

I am again reminded of the book The Little Prince. It was very much a part of shaping me when I was young.
It taught me that I am unique in the whole world. That idea of being unique is how I live life and what gives my life meaning.

Same old same old, ha! I scoff at the very notion of same old.

It must be the rebel in me.

I really don't think there is any way you can be over thinking this. You have a family, a team, and yourself to consider in every decision you make.

I don't think I'd have the courage to share this with the world (or a small subset of it) in real time. It takes a lot for someone just to wake up every morning while dealing with what you are going through.

May the new treatment work miracles for you!