My invite, I pay.

I answered “maybe but…”

My first thought was “the kid science museum costs money, are you fucking kidding me?”

Maybe the dad was just as in the dark as I am. Maybe he didn’t know it cost money to attend, therefore he didn’t offer.

Im also kind of with Q and Otto. You offered, it’s your bill to foot.

But, if he knew it is a paid attraction, it would have been polite for him to offer.

Didn’t vote because I didn’t see an answer that fit.

If I were sending one of my kids, I’d send them with funds to cover entrance fees and lunch. I taught them to offer, but to not make a fuss if they were turned down.

On the other side of the equation, I was taught that if I invited, unless I specified otherwise, I was covering any costs. If a kid offered to cover their costs, my response would be, “Thank you, but this is my/our treat.”

Not everyone was taught the same way, so offering to cover your costs is never inappropriate, but one needs to “read the room” and “go with the flow”.

quote:

So if you invite anyone to the movie theater, kids, families, friends, many of you believe that YOU have to pay for it all just because you asked if they wanted to share in a fun event? I'm NOT talking about something that I'd be considered the host like a birthday party or similiar.

"Hey, we're going to see XXX, want to come with us?"

That was the way I was raised and the I’ve always rolled.

Not everyone has the same experience or expectations, so I’ll always offer and I trained my kids to do the same.

from slosig:

If I were sending one of my kids, I’d send them with funds to cover entrance fees and lunch. I taught them to offer, but to not make a fuss if they were turned down.

On the other side of the equation, I was taught that if I invited, unless I specified otherwise, I was covering any costs. If a kid offered to cover their costs, my response would be, “Thank you, but this is my/our treat.”

My thinking as well…

I used to chaperone trips to the Cincy Zoo for my kids field trips. My kid had 2 or 3 buddies he ran around with. And they never had any $$$ for snacks or souvenirs, despite the school giving the parents lots of notice and required a signed permission slip for the kid to take the trip. So... A trip to the Zoo would run me around 100 bucks. First time it happened, I was pretty pissed that I was the bank for the trip. But I got to thinking that I did not know the parents situation and maybe cash was tight for them. So... What the hell, lets all enjoy the Zoo! At least I rode for free on the school bus!

I hear you! If my kid gets invited anywhere, I make sure he has money in his pocket to cover any food, treats, etc. a $20 usually covers it.
I’ll also ask if there’s a cost (because I don’t know what the parent inviting has for funds), but I’ve personally had both sides, parents pushing $ on me, and parents who didn’t even feed their kid before sending them to me without food or $ (and then wanting me to chauffeur their kid to the before and after, no matter the situation.

A really awkward one was when we took a kid with us on a long distance weekend trip to a sports tourney - his dad asked up front what he could contribute to the gas, hotel, food - then the next year we took another kid just a couple hours away on a weekend tourney, and their parents didn’t offer a dime at the time, and we didn’t think to ask! Now, that said, second kid’s family has stayed in touch, brought our kid to multiple events, and paid for treats, entry fees, etc (all with money sitting in my kids pocket that my boy offered and had returned- their treat). First kid we haven’t heard much from since that 1 trip.

I understand where you’re coming from. I felt very uncomfortable not asking the second child’s family to pony up when the first family had paid up front, because we were basically doing the same thing both times: being a babysitter at a sports event for the weekend and footing the bill for the all the extra costs and any emergencies that might befall the participating child. But in the end, the second family paid off in friendship and a continued relationship while the first one disappeared.. and eventually, the 2nd parents remembered they hadn’t covered anything for that weekend, and offered to pay.. but by that point, it would’ve been awkward to pull out a bill and say, “ah yes, here’s the tally”!

ETA: ^^^in both of the above situations, we were approached by the parents who could not attend the events and requested us to host their child for the weekend. And as we all know in youth sports, everybody pitches in - we were no exception, and didn’t want their respective kids to miss out on a tourney. Of course we will make room.

Honestly, a lot of parents just have so much going on, they don’t even think or realize. Perhaps in your case, Mom usually takes care of that little detail of money, and Dad didn’t cotton on?

In the end, we’ve learned to do things differently. If we are going to invite someone to anything we can’t cover the cost on, we say: they need to bring x dollars or this will cost x dollars.. then it’s crystal clear. Otherwise, it’s definitely our treat.
I’d be grateful he had a friend to spend time with, and gladly pay that toll, but I don’t blame you at all for questioning the etiquette. BTDT.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: irreverent,

Please be the parent you want to be. Being generous, accommodating, helpful, and gracious will have more value for you than any funds the parent might offer you.

if I take somebody's kid with us --- I pay, full stop, (entrance, meal/snack, if I buy my kid a shirt (or another memento) they get a shirt (or another memento)
if the kid tries to give me the money their parent gave them, I tell them to put in their pocket, what they do with it from there is their business

quote:

Originally posted by YooperSigs:
I used to chaperone trips to the Cincy Zoo for my kids field trips. My kid had 2 or 3 buddies he ran around with. And they never had any $$$ for snacks or souvenirs…

Been there, done that. One kid’s parents sent him with money and at the end of the day, he picked out two souvenirs, one for his mom and one for his dad, but he was a little short. That’s when I realized it was my privilege to chaperone. That had to be at least 10 years ago and that kid is fine young man and my 18yo son's best friend.

Back to the OP:
I always sent my kids with money never expecting someone else to pay. On the other hand, if we invited, we paid. When kids tried to pay for themselves because their parents sent them with money, we’d tell them to put their money away.

I answered I didn’t think it was rude because.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: trapper189,

When my son was young, if we invited any of his friends somewhere, we expected to pay.
Even now, my wife and I take a friend's daughter to see the Nutcracker every year, been taking her for years since she was about 5 or 6. We always expect to, and do, pay for her ticket as well as dinner.

quote:

Originally posted by slosig:
Didn’t vote because I didn’t see an answer that fit.

If I were sending one of my kids, I’d send them with funds to cover entrance fees and lunch. I taught them to offer, but to not make a fuss if they were turned down.

On the other side of the equation, I was taught that if I invited, unless I specified otherwise, I was covering any costs. If a kid offered to cover their costs, my response would be, “Thank you, but this is my/our treat.”

I don't know how to say it any better.

100% - if you invited, it’s your treat.

Many people have access to things that others don’t; you might own a movie theater, so the movie is free for your kid’s friends. Someone might own a restaurant, so breakfast is covered, etc etc.

If we invite a kid to some place that costs money, I go in expecting to foot their bill.
If the parent offers up money I accept it.

If my kid gets invited somewhere I offer to pay, if they accept it fine, if they tell me not to worry about it, I put the cash back in my pocket and usually ask their kid to go someplace with us at some point.

I will add that if there is a set of parents that never seem to reciprocate offers to take my kids places or to pay.
Their kids generally just get asked to hang out at the house, the park, or our neighborhood pool since we can have guests for free.

I would handle it this way. If I invited and didn’t make clear about payment arrangements before the agreement, then I would pay. Going back after the agreement kind of traps the other dad. If he can’t or won’t, then it gets potentially awkward. On the other hand, if covering all of the cost is not what you’re willing or able to do, then start over, explaining you forgot to mention payment details and apologize for that. Explain that you’ll understand if that changes his mind. Then proceed with the new plan from there. No hard feelings.

I learned over the years that articulate communication and deference to others’ sensibilities can navigate minefields while maintaining relationships. In fact, it’s better to clear the air than to just swallow a disagreement or misunderstanding. That way resentment never builds. Start with communicating how important the relationship is to you and that’s why the clearing of the matter is important. Allow the other to save face and move on.

My opinion is that it is proper etiquette for the inviting parent to pay. It is also proper etiquette for the parent of the invited child to offer to contribute. I think it only becomes an issue if there is never any reciprocation or even an attempt at reciprocation.

The original plan was for the kid was to just come play at your house. If you decided to spend money by taking them somewhere, I'd expect it to be on you.

If I knew about it beforehand I might still offer or send my kid with some money to be nice but most of my friends would likely refuse it and I would too, if on the other side.

quote:

Originally posted by bcereuss:
If I’m inviting a friend of my child to accompany us to a paid event, I assume responsibility for all monies-explaining it is our treat.

I would not, however turn down down offers of assistance made after I’ve made clear our invitation details.

Yep. I agree with this. Your invitation, your treat. I think it's also normal the parents give them pocket money for their own snacks that they decide they want. I wouldn't expect them to ask you to buy for them unless you offer it or get it for your children.

I wouldn't push for the return favor but I would expect the other father to offer to take the kids somewhere else and it'd be his treat.

If it turns out he expects dutch when he takes them out, then I wouldn't take his kids out. I would simply wait for him to take them out and you can pay for your own kid. If he suggest you take them out, then ask for his portion. That way, you're only out the cost of one outing for his kids and it's no big deal.

If I invited, then I would pay. It would be a nice gesture for the other dad to offer to cover the cost of his kid, but that I would decline any such offering. I wouldn't be mad or upset if an offer wasn't extended.

Chris

There was a time in my life when twenty bucks was a big deal. I hope other Dad isn't fretting what to give up this week so he doesn't look like a deadbeat to his kid's friend's Dad. Just another point of view.

If I'm doing the inviting, I'm expecting to pay. If they ask to contribute I may or may not let them.