My son is 8. We were going to have one of his buddies get dropped off at our house so they could hang out, play around, kid stuff. I suggested going to the kid science museum and lunch in ABQ instead. All in.

His buddy's dad seems like a really nice guy. However, there was no "how much does the museum cost" or "can I give him some money for lunch?"

While this didn't tick me off, it raised an eyebrow for me. I would NEVER have assumed another party was paying for my child in any way. I was providing transportation and supervision. If the situation were reversed, I would have sent my son with a $20 and enough to cover admission.

I realize everyone has slightly different versions of parental etiquette, so I'm trying to be a bit tolerant. Nothing was spelled out prior, specifically.

What say you?

Question:
Rude or not?

Choices:
RUDE
No, because...
Maybe, but...
Cheese.

 

If this hasn't happened yet, I wouldn't assume he isn't going to do the things you mentioned.

I'd reevaluate after this has happened.

If I’m inviting a friend of my child to accompany us to a paid event, I assume responsibility for all monies-explaining it is our treat.

I would not, however turn down down offers of assistance made after I’ve made clear our invitation details.

If I invited, I paid. Particularly if it was a spur of the moment decision.

From your post, it sounds like the original plan was the kid just stay at your house, "hang out, play around, kid stuff". His parent didn't suggest taking them to the museum. You did, correct? I wouldn't have given it a second thought.

Was the discussion with the other dad directly with him, or were the children present?

Was it a ‘last minute’ change of plan?

If it was in the presence of the boys, maybe he had a financial ‘concern’ but did not want to embarrass himself and disappoint his son?

If there is a trip or outing planned that is going to cost more than a few extra dollars, like an amusement park or whatever, then either offer to pay for your son’s friend up front, or get agreement from the parent of your son’s friend beforehand.

I’d give the guy the benefit of the doubt in this instance.

quote:

Originally posted by 220-9er:
If this hasn't happened yet, I wouldn't assume he isn't going to do the things you mentioned.

I'd reevaluate after this has happened.

It happened today.

quote:

Originally posted by 12131:
From your post, it sounds like the original plan was the kid just stay at your house, "hang out, play around, kid stuff". His parent didn't suggest taking them to the museum. You did, correct? I wouldn't have given it a second thought.

quote:

Originally posted by Cookster:
Was the discussion with the other dad directly with him, or were the children present?

Was it a ‘last minute’ change of plan?

I texted his father directly the day before to see what he thought. I brought up going to the museum and lunch. He said it sounded like fun and wouldn't be a problem at all. This was NOT a last minute change or decision.

I answered cheese since your poll was as confusing as the story.

You didn’t take them to college. It’s a fucking outing. I’d have asked and given you $20-40. If I didn’t it’s a tiny nip off the fluff of your balls?

quote:

Originally posted by Georgeair:
I answered cheese since your poll was as confusing as the story.

You didn’t take them to college. It’s a fucking outing. I’d have given you 20-40. If I didn’t it’s a tiny nip off the fluff of your balls?

How so?

1. It was rude and you agree.
2. It wasn't and you should post why you feel this way.
3. Something in between.
4. Cheese. Google it.

Once again, I agree with Q, if the museum was your idea then you’re on the hook for the bill.

Him offering MAY have been an attempt to be as nice as possible. Maybe they can’t swing the full bill but want to be considerate. No idea honestly but I wouldn’t think anything of it. It was a nice gesture and perhaps completely trivial since in my opinion you’re on the hook if you guys had the idea.

ETA: read all the posts and yes, you’re on the hook and he was being considerate at its most simple form.

2

So if you invite anyone to the movie theater, kids, families, friends, many of you believe that YOU have to pay for it all just because you asked if they wanted to share in a fun event? I'm NOT talking about something that I'd be considered the host like a birthday party or similiar.

"Hey, we're going to see XXX, want to come with us?"

I just can't get behind this thought. If I were asked to come along to something like this, me not paying my own way would have never entered my mind.

quote:

Originally posted by bcereuss:
If I’m inviting a friend of my child to accompany us to a paid event, I assume responsibility for all monies-explaining it is our treat.

I did not explain as such. Honestly, it didn't even occur to me to bring it up until later.

Again, I'm not pissed; it just raised an eyebrow. It's not like I'm going to struggle to pay the bills this month.

And before some of you guys start with, "Well, then why post about it," don't bother. I posted a question to spur discussion, so leave that crap somewhere else.

Myself I would assume that the cost of the outing is on me, I wouldn't expect for reimbursement. I was the invitee.

As the other kids dad, I would have offered to help defer the cost of the outing with my child.

The important thing is they have a fun, safe, and happy worry free day of fun as friends and a mentor.

ARman

quote:

Originally posted by flesheatingvirus:
So if you invite anyone to the movie theater, kids, families, friends, many of you believe that YOU have to pay for it all just because you asked if they wanted to share in a fun event?...

Yes. It was how it was done when I was growing up and how we did things when our kids were growing up.

If we invited, we assumed we were "treating".

If we expected the parents to pay something, it was stated.

Everyone was pretty much on board and operated the same way.

Same with "cookouts" and such. People were invited, or people were invited and asked to bring a dish by type, (vegetable, desert, salad, etc.)


Maybe it's a "times they are a'changin'..." thing.

Or TANSTAAFL

quote:

Originally posted by flesheatingvirus:
So if you invite anyone to the movie theater, kids, families, friends, many of you believe that YOU have to pay for it all just because you asked if they wanted to share in a fun event?...

You don't "have to" anything, but, if it were me, it's just the right thing to do. To each his own.

If I bring anyone’s kid with me on a trip I invited them to, I’m paying.

2 years ago Tomminator wanted to take his 3 friends to the renaissance fair and hour away. I called the moms and made no mention of them paying anything. All 3 girls began to hand me money at the gate. I was able to get a military discount on a BOGO day and I paid for it all. Even though I hadn’t asked about the, paying the moms had sent the kids with money for entrance nd food. But these are 14yo. But I had planned on financing all of it bc we had invited them.

Another time I took all four same kids to pflugerville to go to a waterpark bc they had free tickets from school. One of the dads gave me $20 “for gas” he said, and all of them had money to eat on their own.

But if I send him with anyone I make sure he has $ to cover entrance and food regardless if they mentioned who was paying or not.

In my neighborhood, it happened all the time.

I invited, I paid.

No one ever thought about it.

My son is now 30+ times might have changed.

quote:

Originally posted by sigmonkey:

quote:

Originally posted by flesheatingvirus:
So if you invite anyone to the movie theater, kids, families, friends, many of you believe that YOU have to pay for it all just because you asked if they wanted to share in a fun event?...

Yes. It was how it was done when I was growing up and how we did things when our kids were growing up.

If we invited, we assumed we were "treating".

If we expected the parents to pay something, it was stated.

Everyone was pretty much on board and operated the same way.

Same with "cookouts" and such. People were invited, or people were invited and asked to bring a dish by type, (vegetable, desert, salad, etc.)


Maybe it's a "times they are a'changin'..." thing.

Or TANSTAAFL

I was always taught this is how it is. I viewed it as a southern “tradition”. It extends to dating, asking a friend out to dinner, any event, etc.

I agree with you on how you would send money if you were sending your kid.

I wouldn’t expect a kid to pay if our family invited them.

When my son was younger in elementary school, anytime we invited his friend(s) to an outing, I paid. Anytime his friends invited him, their parents footed the bill. It has always been like this with us. Of course when they got to high school and didn't need parents to supervise, they paid for themselves.