I shit you not...

I know a guy who hoarded toilet paper and just about everything else. So about four years ago, he ended up moving to a new place mostly to please the wife who wanted a new house. When his wife found out how much he had squirreled away, she blew her lid. He was not to buy any more anything, but particularly toilet paper. She decreed that they would use up what they had first.

The other day I asked him how that was going particularly now with the TP shortage. He told me that it wasn't a problem. They still had a lot of TP left from the original stockpile, and officially he hadn't bought any more since the move. That was almost FOUR years ago.

But unofficially, this January He had purchased and hidden a bunch of new stock TP in the attic that the wife didn't know about.

I know where I'm going when I need a wipe.

^^^ That guy is full of shit

quote:

Originally posted by PowerSurge:
^^^ That guy is was full of shit

Not no more

quote:

Originally posted by smschulz:

quote:

Originally posted by PowerSurge:
^^^ That guy is was full of shit

Not no more

But well wiped shit.

quote:

Originally posted by Fenris:

quote:

Originally posted by smschulz:

quote:

Originally posted by PowerSurge:
^^^ That guy is was full of shit

Not no more

But well wiped shit.

I guess you could say he's the kind of guy that cleans up well.

My daughter goes through tp like it can be found growing on any tree. I usually buy a 45 pack from Sam's,when they have it and it is gone in a about 2-3 weeks. I am having to keep some in my closet so she stops using so much and starts to conserve in this day and age.

Get one of these, use it up, clean/rinse it well inside, fill with water and use it to squirt your bum clean. A portable, reusable bidet.

quote:

Originally posted by patw:
My daughter goes through tp like it can be found growing on any tree. I usually buy a 45 pack from Sam's,when they have it and it is gone in a about 2-3 weeks. I am having to keep some in my closet so she stops using so much and starts to conserve in this day and age.

Hand that shit out. Appropriately. For shit and all.

TWO SQUARES!!!!

Got a 6 pack of Charmin delivered last tonight from Amazon. I'm all....

4-more weeks!
4-more weeks!
4-more weeks!

This is week three of the TP event here. There is still only intermittent availability. Baby Walmart - the neighborhood model - has been one of the only consistent spots to have it. At least the bleach and paper towels seem to be back in stock. But now butter and dishwasher detergent are in short supply. Go figure....


+

My wife was able to place an order with Wal-Mart.com. It should be here on Monday. When she tried again a few minutes later, it wouldn't work.

My wife saves the grocery receipts. If TP isn't restocked soon, we'll be using them...

My dad grew up during the Great Depression on a farm. My father, as long as I can remember, has stockpiled TP as a result of his childhood. They haven't wondered out to buy TP in weeks and could probably could still supply their local Sam's Club. He's feeling quite smug right now. I did take them some distilled water for my mother to mix a Neil Med substitute solution so they didn't think of everything.

TP is pretty low on my priority list. I did score a case of bourbon early on, though. It, uh, sterilizes things.

quote:

Originally posted by patw:
My daughter goes through tp like it can be found growing on any tree. I usually buy a 45 pack from Sam's,when they have it and it is gone in a about 2-3 weeks. I am having to keep some in my closet so she stops using so much and starts to conserve in this day and age.

Tell her that you're instituting the Thripe regimen for bumwad:

Three squares, one back, one forward, and one to polish.

I managed to park and look at the local Aldi's for a lull. When it was not busy I ran in and got a couple things.

Those rascals had a good amount of toilet paper, it was ALL 4-packs for $4.99 each.

I thought that was a bit steep.

I didn't need any so I left it for others who do need it.

Our neighborhood has it's own Facebook page, it's sort of sad to see people constantly asking if anyone knows where some is available.

This came from one of the members of our retirees association. Seems he has to much time on his hands now...

So much more than you ever wanted to know about TP, but maybe the rush for it is now of importance far beyond our wildest dreams.

1. The first recorded use of toilet paper was in 6th Century China.
2. By the 14th Century, the Chinese government was mass-producing it.
3. Packaged toilet paper wasn't sold in the United States until 1857.
4. Joseph Gayety, the man who introduced packaged TP to the U.S., had his name
printed on every sheet.
5. Global toilet paper demand uses nearly 30,000 trees every day.
6. That's 10 million trees a year.
7. It wasn't until 1935 that a manufacturer was able to promise Splinter-Free Toilet
Paper.
8. Seven percent of Americans admit to stealing rolls of toilet paper from hotels.
9. Americans use an average of 8.6 sheets of toilet paper per trip to the bathroom.
10. The average roll has 333 sheets.
11. Historically, what you use to wipe depended on your income level.
12. In the Middle Ages, they used something called a gompf stick, which was just an
actual stick used to scrape.
13. Wealthy Romans used wool soaked in rose water, and French royalty used lace.
14. Other things that were used before toilet paper include hay, corn cobs, sticks,
stones, sand, moss, hemp, wool, husks, fruit peels, ferns, sponges, seashells,
knotted ropes, and broken pottery (ouch!).
15. 70-75% of the world still doesn't use toilet paper because it is too expensive or there is not sufficient plumbing.
16. In many Western European countries, bidets are seen as more effective and preferable to toilet paper.
17. Colored toilet paper was popular in the U.S. until the 1940s.
18. The reason toilet paper disintegrates so quickly when wet is that the fibers
used to make it are very short.
19. On the International Space Station, they still use regular toilet paper, but it
has to be sealed in special containers and compressed.
20. During Desert Storm, the U.S. Army used toilet paper to camouflage their tanks.
21. In 1973, Johnny Carson caused a toilet paper shortage. He said as a joke that there was a shortage, which there wasn't, until everyone believed him and ran out to buy up the supply. It took three weeks for some stores to get more stock.
22. There is a contest sponsored by Charmin to design and make wedding dresses out of toilet paper. The winner gets $2,000.

There was a toilet paper museum in Wisconsin, The Madison Museum of Bathroom Tissue, but it closed in 2000.

1. The museum once had over 3,000 rolls of TP from places all over the world, including The Guggenheim, Ellis Island, and Graceland.
2. There is still a virtual toilet paper museum called Nobody's Perfect.
3. In 1996, President Clinton passed a Toilet Paper Tax of 6 cents per roll which is still in effect today.
4. The Pentagon uses, on average, 666 rolls of toilet paper per day.
5. The most expensive toilet paper in the world is the Portuguese brand, Renova.
6. Renova is three-ply, perfumed, costs $3 per roll, and comes in several colors including black, red, blue, and green.
7. The CEO of Renova came up with the idea for black toilet paper while he was at a Cirque du Soleil show.
8. Beyonce uses only red Renova toilet paper.
9. Kris Jenner uses only the black Renova toilet paper.
10. If you hang your toilet paper so you can pull it from the bottom, you're
considered more intelligent than someone who pulls it from the top. (Wonder how this was determined?)
11. Koji Suzuki, a Japanese horror novelist best known for writing The Ring, had an entire novel printed on a single roll of toilet paper.
12. The novel takes place in a public bathroom, and the entire story runs
approximately three feet long.
13. When asked what necessity they would bring to a desert island, 49% of people said toilet paper before food. ( Brings to mind Gilligan's Island, they ate, but..how much toilet paper could the Minnow carry for a 3 hour cruise!....)
14. Queen Elizabeth II wipes her royal bottom with silk handkerchiefs. Wonder if the royal chambermaid gets to wash those?? Yeah, sure wouldn't want that job!
15. Muslims wipe their bums with their bare hand--- always the left hand. They eat with their right hand. If you are caught shop-lifting, your right hand is cut off, forcing you to eat with your poopy left hand. Yeeeechhh!

This history was sent to you using my right hand.

I finally scored some TP after it being gone 100% from my local stores for 3 weeks. I went in late 30 minutes before close and they were restocking. I saw some Angel Soft boxes on the lift and asked if I could grab some. They had a few packages of Bounty too.

I’m almost out of sanitizer 100% and they didn’t have it or even any rubbing alcohol so I overpaid for some fancy sanitizer from some cosmetic company that makes the fancy soap for women. I guess people didn’t use sanitizer prior to Wu-Wu. I always have some in the vehicles and carry a travel bottle for the Eucharist. Like TP or PT, stuff has vanished for almost a month.

The most frustrating part of this entire deal is people flipping out and buying up all the shit I usually do making it unavailable. I finally was able to get some bananas too. This deal is cray cray.

Aside from TP and pasta (limited selection available) my local H-E-B today was fully stocked today.