And old George did, didn't he.

I have begun the process of letting my daughters pick out a few of my personal things.

Some of the things they pick out could be had now, some after my death and some for after their mother's death.

I was sitting with my oldest daughter last night looking at a book of photographs taken of me age 1 through 14.
In her favorite one, I am about 14 years old and wearing a red Park Cities Dolphins YMCA warm up jacket with a dolphin on the back from about 1969/1970.
She thought it looked cool, so I got up, went to my closet, pulled it out and gave it her.
I knew keeping it would pay off one day.
It's weather beaten and almost 50 years old, but she loved it.
We did compare the wrist sleeves which are blue and white striped, yes, it's the one in the picture.

She put it on and it fits, then asked for a Sigforum Challenge Coin and I gave her one copper and one silver.
Then she told me how much she feels like she belongs to me and trotted upstairs to bed.
Wonderful feeling, and I have to admit tears welled in my eyes.

Youngest daughter picked out a water color portrait of me done back in 1964 at 9 years old.
She has to wait for that one for a while, but it is hers.
She got her Challenge Coin some time ago when she asked me way back.

This was the first of many times we have going forward where they can pick out items they really want.
It seems so strangely normal to begin this process.

I am so blessed to have known in advance of my death. These times are so special, I would not have missed this for the world.
It is difficult to accurately describe how much the last year has been to me being with my wife and daughters.
It appears they feel the same way.
This is way better than being killed instantly, things need buttoning up.

Lots of great things happening late in life.

quote:

Originally posted by Hamden106:
1957 Cadillac on the right. And I think 1960 Cadillac on left.

I'll admit I used Google to refresh my memory and didn't think to look up the 1957 model year, since I thought it was a continuation of the 1956 rear end. You are right.

1960 wasn't a problem, I still have vivid memories of my aunt and her cars.

The only late fifties cars I really remember were family cars. I was less than 5 years old.

That said though, the 1960s were an incredible time for automobiles and I explicitly remember darn near most every model and make I saw while being driven around.
Even a Ford Galaxy 500 had a certain majestic look.
And the badging on cars from that era is far more cool than today's cars.

Just as we are stuck with the music of our youth for our lifetimes, the same is true of cars.

This arrived in the mail today for oldest daughter.
Ya'll should have seen her face when she saw what was inside. I thought I might have to go get the crowbar to pry her off the ceiling.
Like father like daughter.

She thinks like I do ie that if either of us have to use our knives in self defense, we are probably on our way out.
I was really proud of her when she said that if she is on her way out, she wants to at least do some damage.
That's a good mindset in that she wants to fight back when attacked.
Yes, that's my daughter.

quote:

Originally posted by lbj:
...Even a Ford Galaxy 500 had a certain majestic look...

My three favorite Fords:

LBJ - you are an incredible example of a genuine person.

Your perspectives are such an encouragement to all who are following your sharing.

Know that God is still good - he has seen you through rough days & times, and yet will still.

It is a blessing to hear your interaction with your children - I only hope I am as real with my own given similar circumstances.

You have shared with all the reality of what we truly are - fragile humans with an end we do not truly control, yet your attitude, expressions tell us what we can be others in the challenges life can serve-up.

Prayers for you and family.

Thank you for that, truly.

Mrs. LBJ decided to cancel our Fiji trip and instead we will take our daughters and grandson to Hawaii in the fall.

It's back to the Mauna Kea on the big island.
Its a magical place... especially now that the whole fam damily is going.
It's gonna be great.

I am still trying to find the right balance and be fair with both daughters.
Their situations are different and I try to explain that I tailor what I do for each of them in that vein.

But sometimes one or the other daughter thinks they are slighted.
Argh! I work so hard to try to mitigate things so they won't feel that way. But it pops up here and there.

Back last December, I bought oldest daughter a 2010 For Fusion with 120K miles. It's her re-introductory car after some driver infractions cost her her license for a while. Points can add up quickly, you know?
Back last March, I bought youngest her 2015 Escape with 20K miles. It's the new baby car.
She got to pick this one.

Hard feelings came about so I told oldest she could pick out her next car when the time came.

My X5 is a bit dicey these days, I need a new car, so enter my new Ford Escape.
In thinking I was being fair, I told her she could have this one if I die on schedule and it would be 2 years old, 20K miles much like what her sister got.
I thought I was doing a good thing.

It turns out she thought I was forcing her into taking my new car and she felt slighted again.
Rightly so perhaps.

Once this was known, Mrs. LBJ stepped forth and said she would want my Escape as a snow car and she's buy older daughter her choice within budget when the time comes.

In our long talk the other night as listed a few posts above when older daughter picked out some personal items of mine she would like to have, she asked me once again if I meant what I said and she can choose her next car.
I said yes.
She picked my Escape.

Mrs. LBJ is fine with that and all appears well.

This balance and trying to be fair between the daughters is a nigh on impossible task, but I try and struggle.
I have a lot to learn regarding daughters.

I am one of three. My mom always attempted, to within pennies, to spend the exact same amount on my brother, sister and me every Christmas. It didn't always go well, because one of us or the other would see that someone received "more". Of course, at the time, we didn't know the monetary amount was the same, it didn't matter the number of items. And mom didn't love one of us more than the other two.

I am a middle child by nature, whatever that means to my development, if anything.

I asked oldest daughter tonight why she chose the auto knife she did.
She told me one of her biggest fears is being trapped in a car under water.
When she saw my Microtech UTX-85, the glass break location sealed the deal.

I never knew about her mortal fear before, very interesting, we all have them.
Mine is suffocating.

quote:

Originally posted by lbj:
This balance and trying to be fair between the daughters is a nigh on impossible task, but I try and struggle.
I have a lot to learn regarding daughters.

LBJ, and you won't EVER learn all you need to. At least yours are not step-sisters! Steps are exponentially harder, believe me! And I don't want to rile up anyone, or stir up a hornets nest, but fathers never really can understand daughters, it's the male-female thing. I'll repeat the pearls of wisdom that you and I heard from the time we were born, from our father....who told us repeatedly, "women aren't people" and "If you ever understand women, write a book and you'll be a millionaire". Boy, my wife especially loves the first one......and sees NO humor in that. But to the point, I'll email directly. You've been a stabilizing influence on those kids, and even though they are mid to late 20's, they're still kids. We all grow up a different rates, and they're still working on it. Best you can hope for, imo, is that they figure out how to make the best decisions based on the facts at hand. Petty squabbling happens. Key thing, though, is they are blood sisters, love each other, and at the end of the day that's what counts. And they love you, and trust you. So carry on!

quote:

Originally posted by clubleaf206:
I am one of three. My mom always attempted, to within pennies, to spend the exact same amount on my brother, sister and me every Christmas.

LBJ's mother did the exact same for us and our sister, to the point of giving us money to make it perfectly even. LBJ and I never had an issue with this, I believe. I don't think our sister did either.....but as the youngest of the three, I missed a lot that went on......

quote:

Originally posted by lbj:


.......


In our long talk the other night as listed a few posts above when older daughter picked out some personal items of mine she would like to have, she asked me once again if I meant what I said and she can choose her next car.
I said yes.
She picked my Escape.

Mrs. LBJ is fine with that and all appears well.

This balance and trying to be fair between the daughters is a nigh on impossible task, but I try and struggle.
I have a lot to learn regarding daughters.

I have a feeling she'll keep until the wheels fall off.

For the bolded section, I think you might not have as much to learn as you think.

From what I've read. Those girls love you like you were their biological father. It takes a lot to impress teenage girls. While they aren't perfect it sounds like you've set them on a good path in life.

LBJ, this chronology you are writing is a remarkable piece of literature and I think "literature" is the right word to use. I hope you will print out and save this diary for your family to read through in the future.

I believe I'm seeing an evolution of your writing style--or at least a deeper exploration of your thoughts, views, family conversations. At times I feel like an intruder, but I assume putting your thoughts to words is therapeutic for you and helps you deal with this cross you're forced to bear.

Your attitude is inspirational. Sure hope the lack of energy you're experiencing improves and that you can cram as much as possible into your time remaining. Drive on

Thanks, no one is intruding at all.
I like the fact that some spend the time to read, it's amazing.

Yes, this is my book.
Most of my life I kept notes about events in my life. I had intended to write The World According To Wigley, the humor of my life.
The notes were lost in a house flood and I resigned myself to never writing my book.

A decade goes by and I get the terminal diagnosis and it seemed another nail in the coffin regarding the book.

I began to post about my illness, and soon discovered that instead of a "book" book, my book became electronic.
And instead of the humor of my life, the subject matter became me and how I travel life in my last years knowing the end is coming.

Therefore I present my book here for those who wish to read it.
It makes me feel good.

Youngest daughter has requested a copy of this entire thread, and if she finds the time someday to do it, she will pull things from this thread and assemble it into whatever she assembles it into.
My hope is she does, but it is not necessary.

My book is raw, it's written live and right here out in the open free of charge to those who wish to read it.
Never say never, but I am so wrapped up in merely expressing my thoughts (there are so many), that I doubt I will ever preen through everything to organize it.
If my youngest (25) sees fit, one day that might change.
I probably won't be around to see it, and that's OK.
I don't think what I think about and philosophize about is earth shattering, or even particularly well thought out, I just write off the cuff and the words just sometimes write themselves and fill the posts.
Other times, I have to work really hard.

I am happy if anyone thinks I make any sense at all, given the meds at times obscure some things I wish to write.
I get these cool things I think about, get myself ready, sit down to write it and **POOF** chemo brain takes it away and it's gone forever.
This has happened dozens of times.

Sometimes I think about the book The Outlaw Josey Wales by Forrest Carter where the Indians are told my the DC politicians to "endeavor to persevere."
I might very well do what they did and think long and hard like they did.
After they thought about it long enough, they declared war on the Union.

I don't have my answer yet.

I really like this thread, there is a ton of good in here in spite of the sadness that lies within.

I have realized a couple of things about myself that I can work on.

Thank you LBJ and the rest of the contributors.

I feel like an old Cheetos commercial.

It's not easy being cheesey, but I do my best.

It seems to me you've mostly come to terms with your fate lbj, and it may be a bit macabre but I do find this time for you fascinating.