This happened in the OR one day when the surgeon and I were hassling his scrub tech about her poor taste in automobiles. She’d finally had enough and said, “You can both just kiss my ass!”

I replied, “Rope me off an acre I’ll get started in the morning”. She didn’t speak to me for a little over two weeks after that.
Sean

Nice ^^

"You, you, you and your two jackass friends over there can all go fuck yourselves." (golf related, it's a long story)

The response? "Get yo scrawny white ass outta here".

"I'm still preparing a formal response, but I am confident I can get it down to 2 words."

From my lawyer days.

Its hard to fix stupid.

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin101:
a friend of mine was threatened "I am going to kick your ass!"

his response " go ahead...the only thing stopping you is fear and common sense!!"

I laughed my ass off. Of course you had better be willing to back it up if you use that one lol

another version is

I could probably use a good ass whipping, but not sure you are the one that can do that,,

quote:

Originally posted by Sevo1967:
This happened in the OR one day when the surgeon and I were hassling his scrub tech about her poor taste in automobiles. She’d finally had enough and said, “You can both just kiss my ass!”

I replied, “Rope me off an acre I’ll get started in the morning”. She didn’t speak to me for a little over two weeks after that.
Sean

Had similar - gave her a kiss on the left cheek ... of her face.

“If I wanted come back, Id wipe it off your chin...”

On the witness stand in a trial for an auto accident....

Defendant's lawyer asked me "Don't all NC driver's licenses have an address on them?"

My response: "I don't know, I haven't seen all of them."

quote:

Originally posted by Sevo1967:
This happened in the OR one day when the surgeon and I were hassling his scrub tech about her poor taste in automobiles. She’d finally had enough and said, “You can both just kiss my ass!”

I replied, “Rope me off an acre I’ll get started in the morning”. She didn’t speak to me for a little over two weeks after that.
Sean

Years ago this hot blonde at work told me to kiss her ass. I asked, “Was that an offer?” She turned beet red.

One of the best lines used against me was a verbal argument and the guy says to me, “Who are you? You’re no one!” I had nothing and it still bothers me.

A couple I've used:

"You have a remarkable grasp of the obvious"

"It's apparent that you are veracity challenged"

I've only used the second one once, but it was great. The fellow I said it to (an exec for a large software company) finally put it together about 5 minutes later. He interrupted the call and shouted "Are you calling me a liar!?"

Not really a comeback so much as a great line to keep handy.

I was at an event and a guy stood aside to let a couple get past him. As the man past, he said to the guy. "Thank you, sir. You are a gentleman and a scholar ... and there aren't many of us left!"

"You should go apologize to that plant over there for all of the oxygen you're wasting!

The only thing less interesting than that story is the way you told it.

quote:

Originally posted by myrottiety:
The only thing less interesting than that story is the way you told it.

A guy in my office was telling a long, rambling story to a group of us when I interrupted and said "Is there going to be a point to this story anytime in our future?"

The guy was my boss and I learned that I should reserve those witty comments for others.

In another life, I once had to fire a guy, a real incompetent idiot. He started to criticize me and I tried to gently offer advice, but his attacks became harsher. I stopped and said (stolen from Glengarry Glenross) "I'd wish you luck, but you wouldn't know what to do with it". Got up from my chair and left.

Money doesn't buy class or you don't have enough money.

All fur coat and no knickers.

Years ago, we had this good old boy come to the hospital as a new intern. He ran into this nurse, who thought it was her duty to break in the new doctors. She was reading him the riot act about something and when she slowed down to catch her breath, he asked her name. She said, "I'm nurse Smithers!" He reached in his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. He looked at it for a minute mumbling, "Smithers, Smithers..nope, your name's not on here." She snapped back at him, "What do you mean?" He looked up and said, "Well, when I took this job, they gave me this list of people I was supposed to take shit from and your name's not on it."

Look here you sperm burping gutter slut.

Or....Why are you so fat!?!? Well, every time I fuck your mom she gives me a cookie.