Moe, stating that he is a well-wisher, "in that I don't wish specific harm to anyone."

Homer: Do you really think you can capture the Loch Ness Monster? I mean, he's eluded Leonard Nimoy and Peter Graves.

Mr. Burns: [scoffs] Peter Graves couldn't find ugly at a Radcliffe mixer.

Five days? But I’m mad now.

Dont criticize the boy, Marge. Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.

Moe when he goes to register as a sex offender
" ah jeez, It's always the line" as there is a long line.

If I recall, the kids are stranded on an island and Ralph is eating some berries off of a bush that he probably shouldn't.

Bart: How are those berries Ralph?
Ralph: They taste like burning.

I use that every now and then when someone asks how something tastes.

My favorite Homer Simpson qoute!

I am so smart S-M-R-T smart!

And I have been known to say that once or twice or maybe more!

quote:

Originally posted by archerman:
My favorite Homer Simpson qoute!

I am so smart S-M-R-T smart!

From what I understand that was a flub and ad-lib by Dan Castellenata. When he realized he misspelled Smart he immediately went back with “I mean S-M-A-R-T”. The writers thought it hilarious and so in character for Homer that they left it in.

Also Homer when competing for town crier: “You suck-diddly-uck Flanders!”

Bart: "Hey Beard-o, Vote Quimby"

Marge: "Or-eh-gah-no [Oregano], what the hell?"

Barney: "Just hook it to my veins!"

“Ha ha!”

Marge and Lisa return home with groceries. Lisa proudly announces, "We have beets!!!!"

Both from Homer:

"Stupidity got us into this mess, and stupidity will get us out."

“There’s no such thing as s stupid question, only stupid people.”

Groundskeeper Willie-

It won't last. Brothers and sisters are natural enemies, like Englishmen and Scots, or Welshmen and Scots, or Japanese and Scots, or Scots and other Scots. Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!

When stranded in a life raft out at sea, Homer getting thirsty recalls an old sailor's ditty.

"Water, Water everywhere, so let's all have a drink!"

Moe: "Well I'm better than dirt!.. Well, not that fancy store-bought dirt. I can't compete with that!"

Groundkeeper Willie: "Colored chalk is a tool of the devil!"

"If I wanted smoke blown up my ass, I'd be at home with a pack of cigarettes and a short length of hose."

From the security guard at the Try N Save when Bart tried to steal the Bonestorm video game

Just about anything from Ralph

-My cats breath tastes like cat food.

-I’m a Unitard

And his dad from the bear episode (I actually use this at work from time to time)

- Book him Lou. One count of being a bear. One count accessory to being a bear.

“That’s a problem for future Homer. Man, I don’t envy that guy!”

Homer, in front of the microwave, waiting for the popcorn:

"Come onnnn! I haven't got all minute!!"

Ned’s date: With the mustache, I thought you were... you know...

Ned: A homosexual? I don’t even eat vegetables longer than two inches!