I am not talking about heroes who die in the line of duty or the line of fire. I am not talking about those who are quickly taken due to some kind of anomaly.

What I question, are those who have made their peace with things but are still trapped within a failing body that won't stop. How can there be dignity when for all intents and purposes one is confined to a body that is in terminal failure yet simply won't stop. No further medications beyond comfort care. No further nutrition or liquids.

Everyone just watching and waiting for the final exhale. Is there dignity in that? Does it matter to the one trapped?

I begin to think that death for most is not unlike a public shaming.

Thankfully there are those who have chosen to be present for strangers and their families attempting to provide what little dignity might be left.

My questions are serious and hadn't been imagined before today. Right now they consume me.

Dignity perhaps is a state of mind. If you are at peace with who you are, and where you are going, then maybe that is all you need, despite what is happening physically.

It's the people you leave behind that suffer your loss. They feel the sadness. A dying person can offer them peace with comforting words, proper plans, etc. That would be a dignified gesture for sure.

ffips,

I've lost a lot of my family and friends lately.

The worst was holding my mother in my arms for a day while she died. Horrible. I don't see any dignity in taking a vibrant woman and ravaging her body with ten years of ALS. That last gasp is the most hurtful sound I have ever heard in my life. Expiring in your son's arms is the work of the devil.

So, no, not really. Death is simply a terrible thing. I don't see any dignity in death. In my experience, death robs a person of their dignity.

H&K-Guy

I think in our world today, death with dignity deals with assisted death. I don't know how I feel about that.

My father died over the years with dementia and alzheimers. My mother died over years with cancer that riddled her body. She was 52. My wife's mother died at 48 after years of cancer eating her alive. Her father left us after suffering a substantial stroke at 91. He may have won the lottery as he went fast and seemingly painlessly.

My wife and I are 70 and see many of our friends are experiencing failing health. We're lucky - so far but I think about my/our mortality more often.

In our thinking about our mortality, we are beginning to plan better in downsizing and unloading all the extraneous stuff we have collected over a lifetime. We don't want our kids to be forced to have a big garage sale one day. We have wills and estate plans. We have instructions what include all of our assets and passwords that we update regularly.

We can't control our way out of this world naturally but can make it easier for those left behind. That, perhaps, is dying with dignity.
Mike

Death robs no-one of their dignity.

The individual does that while they are living.

The body dies. The spirit does not.

How is that spirit doing?

That's what still has work left to do.

What they said above.

For extra points...

Being 90 and shot by an irate husband while you're hopping a fence might put a little flair in it.

My Dad always said that.

It depends.

My grandmother, while in hospice and in bed, all of a sudden went completely slack and limp. We all thought that she had passed.

A few seconds later she took a breath, sat up a little, and said, "Why am I still here?". She died with dignity because she felt it was her time. I can't help but feel that those of us who die before our own perceived "time" will go out with more acrimony.

It's possible, but not guaranteed.

I have watched 2 close relatives, die a slow and painful death. Both of them fought it and didn't want to die, right up until the very last day.

My theory is that old people continue to live because they want to for some reason.

Either the reason is selfish (they don’t want to die) or selfless (they feel responsible for someone so they hold on). I’ve seen plenty of old people who had to be coaxed into letting go including my dad.

My wife had to whisper in my dad’s ear, “your wife’s taken care of; we’ll look after her. Your son is able to take care of himself.”

There are plenty of stories of people who were on their deathbed and waited to die until the last child arrived to see them off.

I hope I can do that. Decide to die well before i’m Bedridden.

Hard to say. I think the dignity of your death is dependent on many things. I will say this: As a former employee of a Large Hospice facility, I can say that those who had end of life care from Hospice had a more peaceful end. There is dignity in that, I would guess.

I’ve been wondering the same.

I’ve lived more than half my life, unless I break that record, and consider myself in the Final Act of life (hopefully there’ll be an encore though).

I have lived with the end of life since being two years old and, to this day, able to remember JFK being killed. My cousin, a month older than, drown a year later followed by my father’s only brother and sibling when I was five.

IMHO, there are two types of death. The death of a hero and the death of an asshole. The deceased’s family can tell you who they were, only God can tell you who they are.

I've been wondering that myself lately, as has my wife. My health is not good, hers is slightly better, but we both have niggling issues we feel are undignified. Also, medical staff suck. We recently had to take a biopsy from my wife's butt cheek. I kept jumping up to close the door as she lay there near naked, and the moron staff kept coming and going and leaving the door open. Crises are becoming more frequent (we spent most of last night in the ER as she had a bad reaction to the second Shingrix vaccine. She required beta blockers to stabilize her heartbeat.) The older you get, as more parts wear out and you lose more and more control......well, it ain't good. I'm working a whole 8 hours a week selling guns, and sometimes those two four hour days seem a bit much. Sadly, we're both fairly young (early 60's) but we both have a lot of mileage under our belts. Between the Army, the Cal Hwy Patrol (her), and the prison system (both of us) we've been kinda tore up.

Dying with dignity is a tough call because there are so many unknowns between now and then.

On a side note, dealing with all the “stuff” we have collected, a friend had a good idea. Peter told me he and his wife plan it this way. The notice that goes in the paper is to read like this -

So and so passed away this past week. The funeral will be Tuesday at 10 AM, Auction will be at 2

This thread really helped me today. My wife's Sister is 55 and is in the hospital this minute dying of cancer. She has been in the hospital 35 days so far and I don't think she will ever get out.

I was complaining last night about my wife sleeping at the hospital to comfort her sister in her time of pain and suffering. I had a bad day at work, three kids to take care of and tons of problems. I had to take things to her twice through the night. I guess I had a bad attitude. This thread really put it all in perspective.
Thanks and really my one goal in life should be that my kids look back on me after I am dead with affection.

There was a time 50 years ago when I thought I would go out on a pile of hot brass. Since then I was in the room when both my parents passed peacefully. They were in the care of Hospice and I think the angels at Hospice make passing as dignified as possible.

I recently lost a very good friend and real life hero warrior who passed after a 2 year illness. He knew what was coming and with his characteristic courage made preparations and his peace with the world. I have come to believe that one can fight the good fight but die in peace if there is not a lot of unfinished business.

quote:

Originally posted by Rey HRH:My wife had to whisper in my dad’s ear, “your wife’s taken care of; we’ll look after her. Your son is able to take care of himself.”

I read an article a while back that what written by a physician who worked in hospice. His suggestion was exactly what you said. Reassure the dying person that everyone is fine and taken care of, then leave them in peace. It was his opinion that semi-lucid patients often fight to remain awake and be "part of the conversation" when a bunch of people are there. His analogy was someone being exhausted and ready to fall asleep, but people keep talking around them. They can't let go.

I'm sure every situation is different, but his analogy made sense.

I took about 4 months for my Mom to pass due to emphysema. There was no "dignity" those last months but she was in a state not to really know for most of it.

My dad would always tell me he did not want to go out that way, he would say often, just put a pillow on my face and end it. My Dad did pretty well, then (due to may issues) went septic (sepsis) and it was not good, the 1st morning in the hospital when I went to visit, he could not move or talk, but he looked at me and his eyes said everything. It was the worse felling knowing that he was begging me to end it. My sister came down that day and was able to see him. Next morning I was there early again just holding his hand (he was pretty non-responsive), she came in, kissed him, told him good morning and that she loved him, then said she would go get coffee and relieve me. She left the room and as I held his hand he died. He would not die with my sister there, and I was proud that he went with me there. And I am so grateful that I did not have to keep my promise.

So fuck dignity. Maybe why I am never sad when someone goes out at 200mph or in a cave or on the side of a mountain. To me its better than tubes, needles, bed pans and the like.

"I'd hate to die twice. It's so boring."
... Richard Feynman (1992)

Though there are many topics on the net about to die with some dignity, there are currently a few states that legally have in place physician assisted suicides for those who may choose to do so with a few stipulations. If and when my time comes, I'd respect that choice myself.