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Peace through
superior firepower
Picture of parabellum
posted
Day One of our plight. The snows started in the darkness of night and have continued to fall, now accumulating to more than an inch and a half, with no respite in sight. If this persists, we shall be buried alive in less than three weeks.

The Post Office has said they won't be delivering today, surely the most dire of signs for our survival. New circulars from Rooms to Go and Best Buy may not reach us before our end.

Our pantry has been broken into. All our supplies are gone. I fear the Yeti are upon us. I am boiling my shoes for a last meal. I wonder what New Balance sneakers taste like.

Now I face the dilemma of deciding whether to turn up the thermostat to 71, or put on a sweater. This must be how those doomed souls of the Donner Party must have felt in their final days.

Alas

When you find our bodies in the Spring, I ask only for a proper burial, after, of course, a thorough thawing.

Give my pants to Jacob. He always like them.

Farewell
 
Posts: 110372 | Registered: January 20, 2000Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of TigerDore
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Well done, sir. You gave me the laugh I needed this morning.

Stay safe.


.
 
Posts: 9197 | Registered: September 26, 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Savor the limelight
posted Hide Post
Just be careful if you go out to eat.

Donner, party of five?
Donner, party of four?
Donner, party of…
 
Posts: 12198 | Location: SWFL | Registered: October 10, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Lawyers, Guns
and Money
Picture of chellim1
posted Hide Post
quote:
Now I face the dilemma of deciding whether to turn up the thermostat to 71, or put on a sweater This must be how those doomed souls of the Donner Party must have felt in their final days.

Big Grin



"Some things are apparent. Where government moves in, community retreats, civil society disintegrates and our ability to control our own destiny atrophies. The result is: families under siege; war in the streets; unapologetic expropriation of property; the precipitous decline of the rule of law; the rapid rise of corruption; the loss of civility and the triumph of deceit. The result is a debased, debauched culture which finds moral depravity entertaining and virtue contemptible."
-- Justice Janice Rogers Brown

"The United States government is the largest criminal enterprise on earth."
-rduckwor
 
Posts: 25032 | Location: St. Louis, MO | Registered: April 03, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
chillin out
Picture of florida boy
posted Hide Post
2" at my house between Blairsville and Blueridge. Wood fire going and the wife and I have been playing cards. She lost and refused to play anymore so she decided to make an apple pie instead. Bummer Wink




I practice Shinrin-yoku
It's better to wear out than rust out
Member NRA
Member Georgia Carry
 
Posts: 3823 | Location: Union County, Georgia | Registered: September 20, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of ridewv
posted Hide Post
It sounds beyond horrible, stay strong Para! Smile


No car is as much fun to drive, as any motorcycle is to ride.
 
Posts: 7432 | Location: Northern WV | Registered: January 17, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Tuckerrnr1
posted Hide Post


_____________________________________________
I may be a bad person, but at least I use my turn signal.
 
Posts: 6000 | Location: Florida | Registered: March 03, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Oriental Redneck
Picture of 12131
posted Hide Post


Q






 
Posts: 28469 | Location: TEXAS | Registered: September 04, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Told cops where to go for over 29 years…
Picture of 911Boss
posted Hide Post
May your milk and bread see you through this horror…







What part of "...Shall not be infringed" don't you understand???


 
Posts: 11487 | Location: Western WA state for just a few more years... | Registered: February 17, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
No More
Mr. Nice Guy
posted Hide Post
Sharing body heat is the answer. Find an appropriate partner, take off all your clothes, and get into a sleeping bag. Skin to skin, plus friction.

Guaranteed to work, as long as you don't pick the wrong partner...

Don't forget to hook the shortwave radio to the solar battery. You don't want to miss any important emergency alerts during this crisis.
 
Posts: 9899 | Location: On the mountain off the grid | Registered: February 25, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Raptorman
Picture of Mars_Attacks
posted Hide Post
We are four hours in and have exhausted all of our milk sandwiches.
We are down to 112 rolls of toilet paper.


____________________________

Eeewwww, don't touch it!
Here, poke at it with this stick.
 
Posts: 34646 | Location: North, GA | Registered: October 09, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Honor and Integrity
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Mars_Attacks:
We are four hours in and have exhausted all of our milk sandwiches.
We are down to 112 rolls of toilet paper.


Just wait for the milk sandwiches to go through, then you'll be glad for all those rolls of toilet paper. Big Grin
 
Posts: 2256 | Location: Fitchburg, WI | Registered: March 24, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Internet Guru
posted Hide Post
May God console you. Be a guide unto the spirits as you were a guide to us in life.
 
Posts: 2124 | Registered: April 06, 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Each post crafted from
rich Corinthian leather
Picture of TheFrontRange
posted Hide Post
Saw this guy roaming about the neighborhood earlier in the week and took it as a grim warning…




"The sea was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli." - George Costanza
 
Posts: 6773 | Registered: September 04, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of rangeme101
posted Hide Post
Excellent.



" like i said,....i didn't build it, i didn't buy it, and i didn't break it."
 
Posts: 1331 | Location: N. Georgia | Registered: March 23, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never miss an opportunity
to be Batman!
Picture of jsbcody
posted Hide Post
Frozen Body Recovery From Atlanta:



Hatchet Jack, being of sound mind and 2 broke legs from the movie "Jeremiah Johnson". A nice Hawkins .50 caliber rifle was also recovered.
 
Posts: 4121 | Location: St.Louis County MO | Registered: October 13, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
As the Folks up north that rely on it for winter income go broke and get none, who is steering the ship?


“Let us dare to read, think, speak and write.”

John Adams
 
Posts: 360 | Location: Land of 10000 Taxes | Registered: March 19, 2022Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Just because you can,
doesn't mean you should
posted Hide Post
I'm about 60 miles north and 450 ft. higher than Para's location.
We have a toilet paper supply good through July.


___________________________
Avoid buying ChiCom/CCP products whenever possible.
 
Posts: 10060 | Location: NE GA | Registered: August 22, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Tuckerrnr1
posted Hide Post
Poison ivy will survive that long?


_____________________________________________
I may be a bad person, but at least I use my turn signal.
 
Posts: 6000 | Location: Florida | Registered: March 03, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Shaman
Picture of ScreamingCockatoo
posted Hide Post
We're quickly burning through my stash of 200 cans of SPAM.

The cockatoos look like they're pondering what will pair best with my emaciated body.





He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster.
 
Posts: 39967 | Location: Atop the cockatoo tree | Registered: July 27, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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