My 48 year old sister is an alcoholic.

She sneaks drinks, she hides booze, she becomes verbally and sometimes physically abusive.

She had her first DWI last year, likely there will be more.

Her kids are 13 years old and 9 years old. They 'know' their mom drinks too much, it breaks my heart.

Today was another 'rough' day and I learned that her 13 year old daughter found my sister's vodka stash in her closet.

My sister has childhood sexual abuse and family rape history in her past, but she uses that as an excuse to be drunk.

Her husband is useless, they fight about it, but he does not actually "do" anything about it...nor do I ever expect him to.

He genuinely believes that "HOPE" is a strategy.

If it was not for her two kids, I'd let them both burn each other down, but I cannot stop thinking about them.


Any suggestions?

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Ronin1069,

AA. Another option is to call an Addiction treatment center in your area. They often perform NO COST interventions. Another option is state ordered treatment for alcoholism which differs by state.

Where does she live?

First I feel for you and the kids.
As much as I'm a "live and let live" guy, if she is abusing the kids something must be done.
One thing you can say about alcoholics is that they won't get better because they SHOULD. They will only begin the process once THEY hit rock bottom.

Get the kids safe even if you have to take them and maybe she'll get help.

I have tried to help several people in my life that have had these types of problems. The advice I was given turned out to be true.

Unless the person wants help, really wants it, nothing you can do will make much difference.

I have some idea of what you are dealing with. Two people I know drank themselves to death, despite the efforts of family and friends to intervene.
The only person who can turn it around is the alcoholic and often has to sink really low before changing their life.
Good luck and best wishes for and your sister.

quote:

Originally posted by ZSMICHAEL:
AA. Another option is to call an Addiction treatment center in your area. They often perform NO COST interventions. Another option is state ordered treatment for alcoholism which differs by state.

Where does she live?

Minnesota.

She's not going to quit until she's ready to quit. Empathy (with regards to her past) may be the best approach without accepting the behavior.

Well. Just down the road is the premiere center, Hazelden which is now Hazelden-Betty Ford which is internationally known. Give them a call today and explain the situation. Of course they will ask questions about insurance and income.

I know quite a few people who have gone there for treatment. It is a good program. Center City, MN. so travel should be minimal.

I would not hesitate to send a family member there. I am sure they have family therapy programs for the kids as well.

Good luck

I think that she needs trauma therapy for the abuse that she suffered. The drug abuse is most likely a extension of that.

First: I'm very sorry that you are in this sitution. It must be hell on you and your family. If remember answering some of your questions about your sisters DUI and I'm sorry that the problem has continued.

Second: Alcoholism is a situation that is VERY hard to deal with (for just about everyone so afflicted) without a strong desire to stay sober and (for many people) "tools" (read to mean learned coping mechanisms and techniques and support structures) to help maintain that sobriety.

Third: Know that she may not be in a situation where she can maintain her sobriety. If that's the case then determining or assessing "fault" and determining who or what is causing the underlying situation (the drinking out of control) is counter-productive. You have options.

Fourth: Your options are: a) do nothing. You are NOT obligated to help her or your family. Remember, when the oxygen masks come down the order of assistance is YOU, your immediate family, others in a priority you determine. The masks have offically come down. Assess.

b) get educated about alcoholism and attempt to become a better support for her and her family.

c) be prepared to take her children for her

d) get her into help

e) keep your family away from the situation so that they aren't affected,

f) some or all of the above.

For what its worth, my prayers are with you and your family.

I am sorry that is a burden you bare Ronin. Take your niece and nephew away when you can. Spend time with them and let them know none if it is their fault and that you love them very much and always will and then do that for the rest of their lives.
As bad as it for you. It is much worse for them and will get more so as they get older.

Nothing you can do for her.

Al-Anon for the kids, and the husband if you can get him to see it.

quote:

Loswsmith said:
Fourth: Your options are: a) do nothing. You are NOT obligated to help her or your family. Remember, when the oxygen masks come down the order of assistance is YOU, your immediate family, others in a priority you determine. The masks have officially come down. Assess.

I've lost track of the number of times I have given the same advice, thank you for the important reminder and perspective.

Some experience as my father was a hard core functioning alcoholic. There is nothing you can do or say to convince her of her problems until she has hit rock bottom. My dad was an ultra successful salesman and then businessman. He worked his way up the ladder to VP of a large multinational corporation. Back in the day closing deals was all about social drinking which he gladly overdid. He was functioning until about 65 years old when his wife left him and basically stole every penny he had. He lived in hotels and homeless shelters for about 8 years at the end. Swore up and down he didn't have a drinking problem, he just drank a glass of wine every once and a while. One night the cops were called to his room and it was littered with empty wine bottles. To his dying day he swore he did not have a drinking problem and would not stop. At that point I had to refuse to send him any money and told him I would be happy to help him if he wanted to get clean but so long as he was drinking I wanted no part of him near me or my family. He said thanks but no thanks and that was that. He never even saw his own two grand daughters beyond 2 years old because his second wife, the cunt, told him he had to choose between his old family and his new family. He died penniless and I am guessing he made multiple millions of dollars over his career and that started in the 60's. I watched the process my whole life and damn it was sad.

Only suggestion I can make for you is this. If you really want to help, get some rules setup where she understands them and there are ramifications. I had to throw my dad out of my family and he still claimed he didn't have a problem. Hopefully you can get her to recognize whats going on. If not I fear there is nothing you can do to stop the self-destruction and it will end one way and one way only, with her untimely death. Unfortunately, just stay clear of the shrapnel.

There is hope for all alcholics as long as they are breathing. I do not know whether she has been faced with serious jail time, a serious health issue due to drinking, or loss of relationship due to alcohol. Many people quit when they hit these obstacles.
The other aspect is treating family members living with alcoholism. They become just as disturbed as the alcoholic.

Let us know how this works out for you.

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin1069:
[QUOTE]Loswsmith said:
Fourth: You are NOT obligated to help her or your family.

Ugh, I hate it when I see something I screwed up. "Your family" I meant to mean your non-immediate family, not your wife and kids. Because to me, my wife and kids would, under many or most circumstances, come first.

HANG IN THERE AND DON'T FORGET TO HELP YOURSELF!!!

I feel bad for the kids and I wouldn't write the husband off either.
Anyone that's dealt with this knows the difficulty and it sounds like several others here have had to deal with the same problem.

Intervention? Haul her over to an inpatient treatment center?

If the husband won't protect the kids, I'd say you've got a moral obligation to at least try to protect the kids (she's DUI and plows the family into a tree at 75 mph example).

quote:

Originally posted by PHPaul:
Nothing you can do for her.

Al-Anon for the kids, and the husband if you can get him to see it.

Yup. She has to hit rock bottom on her own.

Be there for the kids. The husband is likely full of her shit too.

Concern yourself only that with which you can influence or control.

Be there for the kids , don't let her manipulate you