+1

quote:

Originally posted by 6guns:
I wouldn't want to be either of the hims.

New hubs also a friend of dead hub?

Death is not the same as divorce. Especially sudden death. For many wives and husbands who have lost a spouse, there is no closure and it can complicate their lives for many years if not forever.

She did not have children with either man, and I do not know the new husband very well.

In no way am I trying to make her into a “bad guy”, I guess the point of this thread was to ask if this was normal behavior, whatever that is.

As someone who is about to be single again after 20 years of marriage, it makes me wonder if I could date or marry a widow under that type of shadow. Personally I do not think I would do well under those circumstances.

Different strokes. It ain't impacting you, so....

For some people, moving past death or trauma is not easy. And some never do.
If it was me, I would ask her to have deceased hubbys ring melted down and remade into another piece of jewelry that she could wear.

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin1069:
As someone who is about to be single again after 20 years of marriage, it makes me wonder if I could date or marry a widow under that type of shadow. Personally I do not think I would do well under those circumstances.

Word of advice - enjoy being single for 2-5 years. If you thought dating was crazy in your 20s, just fucking wait for the insanity you'll deal with.

quote:

Originally posted by RHINOWSO:

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin1069:
As someone who is about to be single again after 20 years of marriage, it makes me wonder if I could date or marry a widow under that type of shadow. Personally I do not think I would do well under those circumstances.

Word of advice - enjoy being single for 2-5 years. If you thought dating was crazy in your 20s, just fucking wait for the insanity you'll deal with.

I appreciate that advice...you are not the first. I'm about to be '50' and have been in a relationship of some type since high school....honestly don't know how I'll react to be completely alone for the first time in a long time.

AS I thread drift my own thread!

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin1069:
honestly don't know how I'll react to be completely alone for the first time in a long time.

I'll tell you what it feels like...



But obviously there are plenty of people who to the orangutang into another crappy relationship / marriage inside of a couple of months, so it's not universal. Some people just can't be alone I guess.

quote:

But obviously there are plenty of people who to the orangutang into another crappy relationship / marriage inside of a couple of months, so it's not universal.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
huh?? Is this Rhinospeak??

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin1069:

quote:

Originally posted by RHINOWSO:

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin1069:
As someone who is about to be single again after 20 years of marriage, it makes me wonder if I could date or marry a widow under that type of shadow. Personally I do not think I would do well under those circumstances.

Word of advice - enjoy being single for 2-5 years. If you thought dating was crazy in your 20s, just fucking wait for the insanity you'll deal with.

I appreciate that advice...you are not the first. I'm about to be '50' and have been in a relationship of some type since high school....honestly don't know how I'll react to be completely alone for the first time in a long time.

AS I thread drift my own thread!

there's always mail order lol. I have a friend that is recently divorced and he dates alot

I wouldn’t be comfortable being the new guy in the situation you described, but if he’s cool with it good for them.

I have always been a firm believer in getting completely out of the last relationship, spending some time alone, and getting one’s head straight before jumping into another, but that’s just me. What the heck do I know? After twenty eight years of marriage (to the same woman ), I’m not sure I remember relationship transitions.

A former co-worker passed away in his sleep of an undiagnosed heart condition at the age of 35. This was about six years ago. His widow, whom I don't know, still maintains his Facebook page. It kind of makes me wince when I see an update pop up in my timeline. No one but husband and wife knows what goes on in a marriage. Very hard to judge from the outside.

quote:

Originally posted by ZSMICHAEL:

quote:

But obviously there are plenty of people who to the orangutang into another crappy relationship / marriage inside of a couple of months, so it's not universal.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
huh?? Is this Rhinospeak??

Poor spell check / autocorrect, although it's endearing that you like me.

It should be "..there are plenty of people out there who orangutan into another...", ie people who can't let go unless they are holding on to something else - in this case, another person, just like an orangutan does with branches.

Plenty of evidence considering the 1-2-3-4 time divorcees out there.

i don't care what consenting adults do as long as it doesn't impact me, I don't offer opinions unless asked and I don't gossip about people. I expect the same in return.

Not to be crass but current husband has no competition from the decease. If she was divorced and first husband is hanging around due to kids whatever then I’d be worried.

quote:

Poor spell check / autocorrect, although it's endearing that you like me.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
You are a like a breath of fresh air. So now through the magic of Rhino language Orangutan has become a verb. I think I will elephant into another thread.

I think it's good to discuss with your wife what to do and how to let go and how to recover before death occurs to one of you.

Even more important once children are part of the equation.

Obviously doesn't help on this situation.

My only request is find someone who is not going to be a Dick to the kids.

I work with a young lady, 40, whose husband died 3 years ago from cancer. She was dating again within a year, and while dating a new guy she had a small poem with her deceased husband's name in it tattooed on one arm, and the likeness of his signature on the other. She's kept all his clothes, etc. I dunno.

Nope. Come to a certain point in life where you are done. Leave the relationships to the young.
One must realize they are cooked at some point and just accept it.
I have a wonderful woman who . with myself, can see the end speeding toward us.
I am done, and would expect she is (don't know. Won't ask. None of my business)
Whatever time is allocated to us, THANK YOU.
Our biggest concern is our adopted critters.