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paradox in a box |
I am serious when I say she will literately the cops or judge or whoever she sees to joe that she wants a restraining order simply because she doesn’t think she should have to see me on her parenting time. She is delusional and I hope she’d get laughed out of the station. This thing comes in waves with her. She will be normal for a while and then get upset whenever she hears that I am doing well with my girlfriend. When she finds out we are building a house together she may lose her shit. But luckily I have all her texts showing this. These go to eleven. | |||
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| Member |
When I need gun advice, I got to someone who knows about guns. When I need medical advice, I go see the doctor. When I need legal advice, I go to a lawyer. I try not to get those mixed up. | |||
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| When you fall, I will be there to catch you -With love, the floor |
We were forced to take them from complainants that didn't even live in the state. We had a large number of hotels in my jurisdiction. The proximity to NYC made it a popular destination. From time to time we would have DV's and they had the right to file. Even knowing that they would not be in the state within a few days, we went through the motions and the Judge usually signed off. Face it. there is no down side to a Judge not signing off on them. As said over and over again, see a lawyer. | |||
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| paradox in a box |
I believe I’ve mentioned that I’ve already spoken to a lawyer and explained that I was just wondering about her making false claims. I mean I get it. I really do. But sometimes we come on this forum to get insight and ideas before taking a costly path forward. The numerous responses of “get a lawyer” do get tiresome. Especially after addressing the comment already in the thread. These go to eleven. | |||
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thin skin can't win |
I am always surprised when someone here throws a flag in panic after communication by text from a spouse/ex/child and suddenly becomes comforted by the same form of communication from the same previously crazy person. It’s a behavior pattern, don’t be fooled. Why would you not continue to document and treat this as an assault on the relationship between you and your own children? Don’t just let this rest, but spend the money and effort to pursue it in order to clarify and stop. You only have integrity once. - imprezaguy02 | |||
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| Little ray of sunshine  |
I'd think she is unlikely to get in touble for making any false reports. The fish is mute, expressionless. The fish doesn't think because the fish knows everything. | |||
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A Grateful American |
If I may go sideways, and take the Cap'n Obvious position. You need to communicate to her that while you are "entangled" because of the children, you and she are "done" and should not interfere with each other's lives, PERIOD! And it needs to be made crystal clear that this shit will only harm the children and serve no good, no matter how selfish one or the other think is serves them. May be that your attorney can either do on your behalf, or help you "write" the letter to her. Sometimes all that is needed is a firm stand on a position and the other person convinces themselves the pain of slapping that cactus is not worth the payoff of the slap. "the meaning of life, is to give life meaning" ✡ Ani Yehudi אני יהודי Le'olam lo shuv לעולם לא שוב! | |||
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Member |
................................................. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Great Advice! | |||
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| Member |
A false claim that you threatened her made under oath would be perjury if you were able to disprove her claim. Would she actually be charged? That's up to the DA. Filing a false police report based on same would also be up to the DA. In short there are charges that could be brought against her but it's unknowable if the would be brought. You can look up the penalties for those charges. | |||
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| I have not yet begun to procrastinate |
Trying to disprove a "victim's" feelings would be a hard row to hoe. Most DAs wouldn't bother with it unless you live in Podunk because they've got better things to do...like spending time prosecuting "real" bad guys. I had a crazy girlfriend once that was "bunny in the pot on the stove" crazy and there wasn't a kid in the mix! (she had great tatas so for a while it was fun but I digress) This led to me filing a Harassment Order on her after we broke up. I called the cops to my apartment to get her out of it once. Luckily the walls were thin in that complex and the neighbors had heard me yelling at her on the phone to NOT come over and they backed up my side of the story. The County Courthouse however had a bitch on wheels that thought ALL men were the aggressor. (the order went through - the judge was realized what was going on) I trust rattlesnakes more than I do ex-wives or ex-girlfriends. Rattlers don't have an agenda. Mind your Ps and Qs, document the snot out of everything and above all don't assume that it's all good. Parents who use their kids as pawns in one-upmanship over their ex-spouse really grind my gears! Don't let her get under your skin...she knows how to push your buttons. -------- After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box. | |||
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Member |
It can be a mine field, I wouldn’t be alone near a crazy ex. Many mention a small Sony voice recorder as needed. I understand when minor children are involved there is need of coordination. I would stay away from crazy the best you can. I wouldn’t put much stock in ‘talking to and reasoning with her’. | |||
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| Member |
I was shocked when I answered the hangar door to find a deputy delivering a temporary restraining order. All manner of accusations, from molestation to beating my wife and kids. I was shocked, because I'd never raised a hand to any of them, let alone my voice. Nothing. The deputy pointed out that he served these notices day in and day out, and he'd had one served on him, with the same accusations. Standard stuff, he said. When I showed up in court to defend myself, the judge asked my soon-to-be-ex, "is there any reason why he shouldn't see the kids?" My wife told the judge that I would kidnap the kids and take them to Colombia. When the judge asked why, my wife told him that I was a secret agent who spent a lot of time in Colombia. The judge asked if this was true; I told him "no." The judge asked "So you're saying that you think your husband will kidnap your children and take them out of state. Is that right?" My wife said yes. "Pardon me, ma'am," he said, "but isn't that what YOU did?" She dropped it and the restraining order went away. A week later she filed one in another state. She didn't even show up to defend that one. I did, though, and it was thrown out of court. It took almost ten years of visiting the kids on weekends, taking time off work to drive eight hours or more to see them, only to be told "no," and years of paying double child support as she filed one complaint after another saying she didn't receive it...though I had receipts and cancelled checks for everything...almost ten years before I finally got custody. By that time I'd filed over a hundred Child Protective Service complaints, every one of which was rejected. I walked through her house and found holes kicked in every door and wall, some doors ripped off their hinges, a mountain of used toilet paper, and filth and garbage everywhere. I got custody, removed the kids from a world of abuse (on every level) to a new location, where their mother didn't come a single time to visit. Point is, it happens, and it happens often, and it's my experience that women filing false claims of every sort is standard fare. Simply because they say it, however, doesn't make it true, and don't stop fighting for fathers rights. Ever. It's in your interest, and that of the kids. | |||
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posting without pants |
Seeing as I live in MO... I am only partially qualified (as in not a lawyer, just a dumb ass cop) to give advice in ME. BUT.... you have gotten some great advice already in this thread, and some piss poor advice from the paranoid idiots... 1. Yes, this is serious, but not in the "life and death" and "the bogeyman will take all your guns aways" type serious. That's for idiots. 2. Smart moves asking, and much, much smarter for involving your lawyer. (which is almost ALWAYS the smartest first move, despite what internet idiots have to say). It is very hard to be specific, as each state differs in the law to degrees, but likely, without evidence, any type of protective order will not be issued (no matter how much paranoia the membership can drum up). Despite internet bogeymen, the system is if nothing else, so absurdly inefficient that it won't screw you over.... Feel free to email with specifics and I'll try to help where I can, but understand, MO law if different from your home state. Not meaning it is right or wrong, just different. Kevin Strive to live your life so when you wake up in the morning and your feet hit the floor, the devil says "Oh crap, he's up." | |||
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| Member |
In many jurisdictions, a temporary protective order will be issued based on the complaint alone, with zero requirement for evidence. Evidence is provided at an evidentiary hearing, and the protective order remains in place for up to 30 days (or more, eg, until the hearing). At that time, if a judgement isn't rendered keeping the order in place and extending the period, or altering the terms, then the temporary order expires and becomes null. Until that time, however, the temporary order has full force of law and violating it brings penalties. That's not paranoia in the least. | |||
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| Savor the limelight |
You should go back through the thread and read jljones' posts and then reread what you've posted. Also, you aren't a lawyer, you're a cop in another state, and you're offering up advice on specifics from the OP via email? | |||
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| paradox in a box |
Yeah so I guess this was a bit of what I was looking for. I assume it's not perjury to just make a false report. But does it go to court and does she have to make her claims under oath at some point. So as I mentioned, I don't know if she will make stuff up or is just crazy enough to think her argument holds any water. I guess anything could happen. But I'd like her to know that she could be committing perjury at some point if she lies.
You've got her down pat. Using the kids as pawns. It comes in goes in waves. Everything is fine and then it's suddenly not. She literally texted me a few weeks ago saying it would be fine for us to both go to all games as long as I let her know if my girlfriend would be with me on my weekend, so that she could skip it. Now she's going nuts again. I did reach out the my lawyer again. He called this morning and basically said the same thing, that we can't do much with threats other than document everything for now. My oldest kid is now 18 and so this doesn't affect him. My hockey player is 15. Only a few more years of this shit. Although I suspect she will still have these episodes in the future. I know they come and go. But I have to be vigilant in the event she does finally go over the top and try to screw me over. I appreciate all the advice here. Thanks! These go to eleven. | |||
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Member |
This has been playing out for a few days now, so I reckon I can weigh in. My son-in-law's ex recently filed a TRO against him on the most specious grounds (I won't go into details here) regarding his children by her. My years of knowing him and seeing him with kids leave me to believe he is one of the best dads possible. My daughter chose well! So, rather than cave, he hired a good lawyer and surprised her by going full force to the court system. She got a continuance, and now their day is about two weeks away. And now I'm the custodian of his firearms. He was ordered to not have any in the house, and he's complying 100%. He's now so confident that he asked for (and got) new sights for his AR. Those are in my custody, also.  Sadly, you have to play the game. But if you do so with a level head and a great deal of patience, you will finally get your day! Good luck. You can't truly call yourself "peaceful" unless you are capable of great violence. If you're not capable of great violence, you're not peaceful, you're harmless. NRA Benefactor/Patriot Member | |||
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Fire begets Fire |
Why do you think you lawyer is any good? Not saying he isn't, but are you sure of your counsel? Just checking. I went through 3 until I found a competent counsel who I REALLY trusted. Worth every penny. Second, to Kevin, the MO cop; In WA state, a phone call from a scared spouse can get all your guns taken away buy local PD (or County sheriff). Good luck getting them back unscathed. "Pacifism is a shifty doctrine under which a man accepts the benefits of the social group without being willing to pay - and claims a halo for his dishonesty." ~Robert A. Heinlein | |||
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| paradox in a box |
The lawyer I have comes on good recommendations from many people. But really, what can I possibly do at this point. All I have is the threat of a restraining order, no follow through. Otherwise she is following our divorce agreement. It's sort of a wait and see thing until something actually happens. He is making sure I document everything. These go to eleven. | |||
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| Go ahead punk, make my day |
And in 3 more years when the youngest turns 18, you can block your ex-wife’s number permanently an always go direct to your adult children. Along with terminating any remaining child & spousal support.  | |||
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