In America, before you go into a restroom, you're an American.
After you leave the restroom, you're an American.


But, what are you, while you're in the restroom?



You're European.

quote:

Originally posted by 12131:
In America, before you go into a restroom, you're an American.
After you leave the restroom, you're an American.


But, what are you, while you're in the restroom?



You're European.

Fixed that for you, don't quit the day job

quote:

Originally posted by TXJIM:

quote:

Originally posted by 12131:
In America, before you go into a restroom, you're an American.
After you leave the restroom, you're an American.


But, what are you, while you're in the restroom?



You're European.

Fixed that for you, don't quit the day job

Yeah, I'm working.

Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf.

One remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.

His buddies all chimed in said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority - figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning."

Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.

The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off of."

The second guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."

The third guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."

They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds.

"I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the bum and said, 'Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning - golf course or intercourse?" She said, "Don't forget your hat."

Effective Suicide Counseling

A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a bridge about to jump off.

A filthy tramp wandering by stopped and said, “Look, since you’ll be dead in a few minutes, and it won’t matter to you, how about a little sex before you go?”

She screamed, “NO! Bug off you filthy old bastard!”

He shrugged and turned away saying, "Okay, I’ll just go and wait at the bottom.”

She didn’t jump.

I WISH THE MODS WOULD SCREEN NEW MEMBERS MORE CAREFULLY. WE RECENTLY HAD A 60 YEAR OLD FEMALE ANTIFA MEMBER JOIN. SHE BEGAN SENDING EMAIL CONTAINING LEWD PICTURES OF HERSELF. THE IMAGES BEGAN GETTING MORE GRAPHIC AND ACCOMPANY AN OFFER OF A NEW IPHONE 8 IN EXCHANGE FOR HAVING REALLY PERVERTED SEX WITH HER. I'M UPSET. IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 5 WITH CRACKED SCREEN AND A STICKY CAPSLOCK KEY.

Do you know the difference between a corn farmer with epilepsy and a prostitute with diarrhea?

One of them shucks between fit.

How about the difference between a group of lady joggers and tribe of clever pygmies?

One is a bunch of clever runts.

Why did the blonde get arrested for snorting Nutrasweet?







She told the cop it was diet coke.

Another edit:


In America, before you go into a restroom, you're an American. (Could be Russian!)
After you leave the restroom, you're an American Finnish.


But, what are you, while you're in the restroom?



You're European

quote:

Originally posted by preten2b:
Do you know the difference between a corn farmer with epilepsy and a prostitute with diarrhea?

One of them shucks between fit.

How about the difference between a group of lady joggers and tribe of clever pygmies?

One is a bunch of clever runts.

slight tweak:

One is a bunch of cunning runts...

So far:
jokes funny as posted: 2
FIFY's needed: 3

Batting average: .400

....I don't know, but the middle one looks like Willie Nelson....

Q: What do you call someone that speaks three languages?
A: Trilingual

Q: What do you call someone who speaks two languages?
A: Bilingual

Q: What do you call someone who speaks one language?
A: American

Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.”

The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.”

Man: “And that frees me from my sin?”

Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.”

Ole & Sven



Ole and Sven are walking down a street in
Chippewa Falls, WI (home of Leinenkugel beer) when
they see a sign on a store that reads, Suits $5.00 each,
shirts $2.00 each, and trousers $2.50 a pair.

Ole says to his pal, "Looky here! We could buy a whole gob of
dese, take dem back ta Dulute, sell dem to our friends and
make a fortune.

Now ven we go in dere, you be quiet, okay?
Yust let me do da talkin cuz if dey hear yer accent, dey
might tink vee are ignorant and try to cheat us. No way do
vee vant dem to know vee're from Minnesota."

They go in and Ole says with his best Wisconsin accent,
"I'll take 50 of those suits at $5.00 each, 100 of those shirts
at $2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each.. I'll
back up my pickup and ...."

The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Minnesota,
aren’t you?"

"Vell...yeah," says a surprised Ole, "How'd ya know dat?"

"Because this is a dry-cleaners......"

My 7 Y.O. current favorite joke...

What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bull dozer!

A man walks into a bar an orders a double scotch then moans at the bartender. The bartender ask the customer what is wrong sir. He replies I got a note today from an angry husband and he said he was gonna kill me if I did not stop having sex with his wife. So the bartender says whats wrong with that, just stop. Customer replies it's not that easy. You see he didn't sign his name.

quote:

Q: What do you call someone who speaks two languages?
A: Bilingual

Q: When did the people of Montreal start speaking French?
A: I don’t know but they stop as soon as the last American leaves the room.

A cop is assigned to a walking beat on the beach. One day he sees a woman in a wheelchair sitting at the end of the pier. The woman is crying. When asked why she is crying, She says:
"I an 40 years old and no man has ever held my hand"
So the cop hold her hand for a while and goes on his way.
The next day, the cop sees the same woman on the pier and she is crying. This time she tells the cop: "I am 40 years old and have never been kissed by a man". The cop kisses her and goes on his way.
The next day, the cop sees the crying woman again on the pier. This time the woman says: "I am 40 years old and never been screwed by a man".
The cop shoves the wheelchair off the pier and says: "There! Now you are screwed"!

How do you measure pun effectiveness?

With a Sighs-magraph.