I'm sure this has been addressed on these boards before but, search terms for this were too broad. How has members dealt with getting their senior parents to stop driving?

Can you as concerned child go to their doctor and explain the situation that I've got a proud, stubborn dad that refuses to stop driving, are a hazard on the road and could they can contact DMV? Does there need to be an accident before action can be taken?
What's the process that others have gone through this situation?
Does any of this violate patient/doctor rules?

What’s the legal basis by which the dmv would revoke a license? How would a doctor officially provide that basis?

Do they have reasonable alternative transportation? If so, why are they hesitant?

We were fortunate with my mom in that she couldn’t pass the eye exam when her renewal came up.

In Texas you or your physician can report that you think they are medically unsafe to drive. Mom was acting like she wasn’t going to stop for a while. Essentially, they require medical evaluation and driver retesting. From the TXDOT page:
The Department is responsible for maintaining the safety of all individuals who share the roadways in Texas. As a result, it is sometimes necessary to request information from you regarding certain medical conditions so that we may determine how it may affect your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle.

The Department's Driver License Office License and Permit Specialists are trained to evaluate applicants and conduct a basic investigation, if necessary. The specialist may ask additional questions, require a physician's statement, or require you to take a driving, written, and vision test. Based on the results of these tests you may be called back to the driver license office for further investigation.

Medical Advisory Board
If the investigation determines that you may have a medical condition that could affect your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle, the Department will refer you to the state's Medical Advisory Board (MAB) for further evaluation. MAB is composed of a panel of licensed doctors appointed by the Texas Department of State Health Services (DSHS) to review medical documentation relating to a person's ability to drive. If your case is submitted to MAB for review, a recommendation will be returned to the Department regarding your ability to drive.

The most common ways an individual is referred to MAB are:

The individual self-reports his/her medical condition,
DPS refers an individual due to an evaluation conducted at the driver license office,
The individual has multiple convictions for alcohol or drugs on their driver record, or
Law enforcement or a physician who has cause for concern and reports an individual to DPS for further evaluation.
Medical Revocation and Hearing
If it is determined that you are medically incapable of safely operating a motor vehicle, failed to respond to MAB, or failed to comply with any required testing, the Department will initiate proceedings to revoke your driver license. When this occurs, you will be notified by mail to the address on your driver license. This notification will provide you with the reason for the pending revocation and an option for a hearing. You may request a hearing up to 20 days after the date of the notice of revocation. Please allow up to 120 days for the hearing to be scheduled. You will be notified by mail of the date, time, and location of the hearing.

If your request is made outside the allowable 20 days, your request will be denied and your license will be revoked 45 days from the notice date.

Hearings are conducted in a municipal or justice court in the county where you live. During the hearing, you will be responsible for providing facts to the presiding officer who will determine if the grounds for the revocation are valid.

Driver License Reinstatement Requirements
If your driver license or driving privilege is revoked for one of the following reasons, you will be required to pay a $100 Reinstatement fee, in addition to complying with the revocation and paying any other outstanding reinstatement fees owed.

Revoked Incapable – It has been determined that you are incapable of safely operating a motor vehicle at this time. In order to be reinstated, you must be medically approved by MAB.
Revoked MAB No-Reply - It has been determined that you failed to provide medical information or undergo medical or other examination. You must submit current medical information to MAB.
Revoked Test Required – It has been determined that you failed to demonstrate the ability to safely operate a motor vehicle by taking and/or passing a required exam(s). You must pass any required exams at the driver license office.
For information on submitting compliance and fees to the Department, visit the Reinstating your Driver License or Driving Privilege webpage.

Report Concerns of Unsafe Drivers
If you know of someone who may have a medical condition that could affect their ability to safely operate a motor vehicle, you may submit your concerns in writing. Please include sufficient information to be able to identify the driver, such as full name, date of birth, address, and driver license number, if available. All written concerns may be submitted anonymously to the Department (i.e. the document is not required to be signed by the individual reporting the concern).

Verbal notification is not sufficient for the Department to take action. Please provide a detailed explanation as to why it is unsafe for the individual reported to operate a motor vehicle. Avoid personalizing information in the written statement and focus on the facts. Be advised all information submitted to the Department is subject to release under the Texas Public Information Act.

Information may be submitted to the Department by mail, fax or email.

I'm paying attention to this...
My 83 year-old parents are still driving.

88 & he’s 90, still driving, doing ok. It helps that they live in a quiet area. It’s something being watched, best one can.

After our dad’s last car crash at 97 years of age, we just took away the key. And he simply accepted it. That his driving days were over. Which was a bit of a surprise, since he had always been very stubborn.

quote:

Originally posted by chellim1:
I'm paying attention to this...
My 83 year-old parents are still driving.

We went to a GP appointment with mom close to the time her driving restriction from shoulder replacement expired. She hadn’t been good before the surgery for that matter. We told him she needed to quit. She argued, but he told her that he hoped that when the time came that his kids told him he was no longer safe he hoped he had the good grace to accept it. After that, we told her if she insisted we’d ask that TXDOT retest her. Heck, the last time she went to the Panhandle with her brother he had to stop at a dollar store to buy a step stool to get her in and out of the car…

The hardest, and I do mean hardest, thing I ever did was taking the the keys from my 87 year old father. That day sucked so bad it still gives me bad vibes.

quote:

Originally posted by chellim1:
I'm paying attention to this...
My 83 year-old parents are still driving.

Of course. They’re youngsters.

As for me, I’ve ordered a Tesla Model 3 Premium with FSD capabilities. It’ll replace my 2025 Genesis G70. Both are nifty little sports sedans.

Ordered July 29, it might be here by Christmas. Tesla keeps slipping the delivery date.

At least buy him a Tesla with FSD.

In all seriousness I bet that will start to happen more often.

mine was easy,

Dad drove to the store I was managing and bought groceries,
took him 4 hrs to make it home, a 8 mile drive,

he voluntarily stopped driving that day,

died a few years later from dementia,


mom has decided short drives are good, but will no longer do any distance,

church, drug store, etc, all with in 10 miles round trip,

anything else she calls,

My Dad will turn 99 in December. His new Lexus is due in this week.

From End of human driving thread; a repeat:

Despite the fact that the last accident I had on public roads was in 1958; now, at 85, I worry about my reaction time!

I drive less than 100 miles per month, never on I-4, and still worry! I always drive accompanied by a caregiver and ask them to evaluate my driving… I believe them when they say I am a safe driver. I also avoid driving at night - limited visual field and delayed reaction time.

In my younger (under 60, before my wife’s stroke) days I loved riding motorcycles and took the Motorcycle Safety Foundation rider course every two or three years. That taught me paranoia - that every vehicle on the road would try to kill me! That habit has carried over to my driving today.

All that said, I look forward to not having to drive any more, even loving driving both motorcycles and race cars in my youth.

A few years before he died, my father in law had become a flat out menace on the road. He had advanced Parkinson's, his hands trembled violently, he couldn't lift his feet quickly to get from the gas to the brake, and his neck was too stiff to turn his head and look over his shoulder. But he still insisted he was fine and knew better than everyone else. We took his keys, but he still wanted to argue about it every time we saw him. In Florida there is a form from the DMV you can fill out and have a doctor sign, asserting that he is medically unfit to drive. After something like 60 or 90 days, his license is automatically suspended unless he can find another doctor who will sign a counter-form attesting that he is fit to drive.

His primary care doctor was only too happy to sign off on his form. After he got notice and a deadline to respond or be suspended, he shopped that rebuttal form around to everyone from his dentist to his physical therapist to the girl at the pharmacy window at Publix, trying to find anyone who would stick their own neck out certifying him fit, so he could get back to swerving around the road and knocking over trash cans. For someone as intractable and hard headed as him, the process of basically whistle-blowing on him to get his license taken away was a Godsend. Once that final suspension letter came, my mother in law told him to knock it off, and he quit fighting about it.

My mom was driving into her late 80s. She had dementia, but she was still 75% Mom. She didn't seem to have any driving problems, but she always remained close to home, i.e. never drove farther than ten blocks from home. When the time came to retake her written exam, I explained that there was a good chance she couldn't drive anymore, and she understood. Then she passed the DMV test! I figured if the DMV said it was okay, I'd let her drive.

Eventually, it came time to take her keys. I had her pick up her car from the garage after an oil change. I followed her home in my car. She missed our street, found it, drove past the house, circled the next block and pulled over. I went up to the car, and Mom said, "I don't know where we live. I can't think! My mind won't work!" I explained that's what dementia is, and told her to follow me home. After, I said I can't have her driving anymore if she can't remember how to get home, so I was going to take her keys and hide them. She understood. With her dementia, she'd forget, and say she couldn't find her keys, and I'd have to re-explain why I hid them. She seemed to understand and then gradually forgot about driving.

I have talked a few times with them about techniques to reduce hazards while driving. Some of that includes time of day, day of the week. Also included is planning a route with more right turns, avoiding left turns across traffic.

They do have the handicap placards, but try to avoid backing up in parking lots. Some of my mentions may be ignored, but try to give them ideas. Walking a little further isn’t an easy option for them, parking lots.

Yes, their vehicles get plenty of dings, trying to pick up mail in the car, scraping the side of the garage, etc..

I’m afraid that day is coming at us faster than we want. We are fortunate to still have all four of our parents alive, but health issues and age are accelerating at a fast pace. The ages are 84, 80, 79, 79. My MIL is 80 and stopped driving about seven years ago after chemo induced neuropathy made her uncomfortable. My FIL will be 85 later this year and a sedentary lifestyle brought about by COVID fears has allowed his muscles to atrophy. He swam everyday until Covid, now he refuses to go in and locker room or use a public pool. The challenge for us is that they live 3 hours away 8 months of the year and 12 hours away 4 months out of the year. During a round of surgery for a return of cancer, we had a rotating caravan between me, my wife, and my two kids to help them through the procedure and recovery. There other daughter lives an hour away and didn’t even check in before or after the surgery, or offer to help at all (narcissistic bitch). During that time, we all witnessed just how badly my FIL”s driving has deteriorated. Taking his keys will be difficult for a number of reasons when the time comes. A FSD car will never happen because he is the definition of a luddite. He retired as the internet was just starting to take hold, proud of the fact he never had an email but then sat idle as the world passed him by and relegated him to relic status. Unless we can convince them to sell the house closest to us and move closer, we have a huge problem on the near horizon. The other parents live close and have a higher willingness to surrender the keys when that time comes. One has handicap tags and the other has disabled vet tags which does allow them better access to parking.

To the OP, best of luck navigating through your situation.

We've tried and failed with both my mom, age 95, and mother-in-law, age 86, to get them to use Uber/Lyft. Both are very uncomfortable with having a stranger pick them up.

My mom has a professional driver she uses to go to/from the airport, and MiL has a part time helper at her house (cleaning, cooking, personal care) who could drive her for errands. Even so, neither one likes to use that person for regular trips around town.

For my mom, she sees it as loss of independence, and equates it to having to move into senior living. It isn't therefore about the practicalities, it is the thought she cannot remain in her rural farmhouse.

For MiL, I think it is loss of control and anxiety. Lots of the elderly have anxiety, and I think she needs to feel she controls when and where she goes when on outings. The thought of waiting for Uber or the embarrassment in front of her caretaker of needing to leave the store if she gets anxious is a roadblock.

To us, their concerns are easily solvable. But to them they can't get past their preconceptions. With my late older sister who had cognitive and physical disabilities, we phrased things as a luxury or a pampering, which she sort of bought into after a while. My mom and MiL seem immune to that tactic so far.

If possible, identifying your parents' underlying preconceptions or fears is the portal to solving the issue.

In NC as an officer I could complete a form and turn it into the dmv to have a person re-tested for their drivers license. The major handed me one, a day after I worked a wreck his dad had been in the day before..

There maybe something similar where you live.