Just reading these replies took me back to some bad, tough times. Like others, I had to find new friends. I never looked back once I got right.

1. The line is invisible. And once you cross it, you can never go back.
2. After a certain point, willpower is no longer effective.
3. Only you can diagnose yourself. Clinicians won’t like that statement. If you think you have a problem, then you do. Chances are, you will be the last one to know of your problem.
4. Help is widely available. You have to squash your ego and false pride, and simply ASK for it.
5. There are many of us on Sig Forum who have been where you are (or worse).

(Just crossed 8.5 years of recovery and sobriety, myself. It is a group effort.)

quote:

Why not make a decision to take at least a month away from alcohol. If you can't stay away from it for the month then you know it is out of control.

^^^^^^^^^^^^
This approach misses the binge alcoholic. The alcoholic can NEVER have just one drink is a better index.

One's too many and a hundred aint enough.

You can't quit forever - all you can do is quit for today. Yesterday is a memory and tomorrow is a promise. Just don't drink today. I've been alcohol free 23 years come Feb by quitting one day at a time.

I've heard alcoholism described as an elevator - you can choose where to get off but if you stay on you'll hit bottom. I was one of the lucky ones who got off w/out much apparent damage thanks to the grace of God.

I come from a family of alcoholics. Even more, I have witnessed 25 years on a job that sees alcohol and drug abuse at its worst.

The thing I’m for sure about is you can not force anyone to seek help. Once they make the choice, there is no guarantee of success. It’s one day at a time.

quote:

Originally posted by joatmonv:
I know, if you have to ask yourself these type of questions, then you have a problem. I'm just not sure I need the type of help he does.

I agree with you. If you have to seriously evaluate yourself, then you likely may have a problem. You may not know if you need rehab or not and time will surely tell if you do or not. Thing is, if you quit drinking as some have suggested, you dang sure won't need rehab but rehab will give you some tools to help you put alcohol down if you think that's what you need to do and find yourself struggling to do so.

I can tell from your OP that you're already trying to compare yourself to your friend and rationalize why you don't have a problem, all the while knowing "if you have to ask yourself these type of questions, then you have a problem". Play these kinds of mind games with yourself and you will lose, alcohol will win.

Another thought is that if rehab "takes" with your friend, he will surely be looking for new friendships outside of a shared alcohol interest and you may too if you continue to drink and he's sober. Regardless, your friendship may change if he remains sober.

My story? ... stared drinking about 18 but promised myself I'd never become an alcoholic like my father. I saw what it did to him, his marriage, our family. At times, it wasn't pretty. Partied my butt off for the next 15 years. Never turned down an opportunity to party and consume alcohol with friends. I must have been blessed. Wasn't until I was 33 before I got my first DUI. Woke up in jail and decided I needed to make some changes. I'd always felt guilty for not having served my country and so decided to join the Navy. At 33 I was an "elderly recruit". The Navy saved my life. The Navy recruiter wanted to delay my enlistment for when a seat was available at a guaranteed "A" school, but I told him to enlist me as soon as possible before I changed my mind. Had to see a Navy officer to get a waiver because of the DUI and my age.

Got my second DUI after my first deployment. I worked hard and I played hard so the saying goes. We visited more than a handful of countries on deployment but all I can tell you about those countries is my experiences from inside the local bars. My Navy job was my enabler and while I was deemed "a problem child" in my division, I was one of the best technicians in my rate. If it was broke, I could fix it. When outside evaluators came aboard, they said the suite of equipment I maintained and repaired was the best on the waterfront. And so it was that my chain of command took care of me. I was sent off the ship and to 6 weeks of inpatient rehab for alcohol abuse.

Six years later, still in the Navy ... I got my third DUI. This time I was also involved in a wreck. I ran a red light and T-boned an off duty sheriff's deputy. I think something hanky was going on with the deputy and what he might have been up to that night. Law enforcement in the town kept it quiet. Maybe he was drunk too. Maybe he thought he ran the red light. Dunno. It was very late at night and no witnesses. Luckily I wasn't sued or anything, just a DUI. But I still had to answer to the Navy for my behavior. Same story different ship ... I was a good technician and my chain of command took care of me. Off to rehab I went for a second time but it was only for two weeks ... the "retread" course.

I kept drinking. I lost my license for 6 months with each DUI. My auto insurance went sky high. Although I was a great technician on the job, my Navy evals suffered because of my behavior. I kept drinking and stayed out of trouble. Eventually I "outgrew" the bad evals and punched the right career tickets/billets to get picked up for Chief after I'd been in the Navy for 17yrs.

I retired from the Navy after 20yrs ... and I kept drinking. My drinking wasn't at home. I'd always go out. I seldom kept alcohol at home. I'd start drinking and just wouldn't know when to say enough was enough and I'd usually drink until ALL the bars were closed ... even the after hours ones.

I'd had enough. My drinking was taking its toll. I could go for weeks and MONTHS at a time without a drop but then I'd get the urge to go out again. Told myself, "MAN you've been doing great, why not just go out and only have one or two like a sane social person." ... and I'd ALWAYS end up closing the bars.

I started acting out in bars ... on purpose ... so they would cut me off and/or kick me out. I tried drinking at home but that was no fun and a few times I got started drinking and didn't stop until there wasn't a drop left in the house.

Couple of years ago, I got so sick after a night of binge drinking it took me almost a week to recover. It was finally affecting my health and that's what pretty much stopped me. I haven't had to work since I retired from the Navy so a job hasn't been affected. I've never married and have no family that's had to put up with my behavior. I'm over 65 now, retired-retired and my health is a concern. I just can't keep doing what I did for most all of my life. It isn't that much fun to be a practicing alcoholic anyway.

Good luck in your journey. Even after all is said and done, I feel like I've been blessed. I'm still here and I'm not drunk ... today.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Hobbs,

I don't want to repeat a bunch of what's been said so far...all truth by the way...so I'll just hit the high points.

1. Never a DUI (not that I wasn't eligible, just never caught), never a missed day of work. Did work many days SERIOUSLY hung over.

2. My wife's mother and first husband were classic alcoholics and she knew the life. She tried to tell me on several occasions over 20-ish years of putting up with my shit.

3. I "quit" three times for several months up to a couple of years. As soon as I said "I can have one beer" it was right back on the merry-go-round.

4. My daughter and my grandson were the final trigger. Boy wanted to ride home from a BBQ with Grampy, daughter said "No, Grampy's been drinking." That hurt enough to wake me the fuck up.

5. I quit that day with the full knowledge that even ONE drink would ruin everything. That was 26 years ago as best I can recall. Even today, ONE drink would end it all.

As I read these threads with tears in my eyes, it really turns up the emotion for me. I have not shared this here brethren, but I too am an alcoholic. To read these posts, brings up the reality that I am amongst those who denied my truth.

As a child of two alcoholics, one that I found dead, (after kicking in the door of my Fathers house) I simply navigated well in the wet world of alcoholism. The control, denial, anger,comfort,distortion of everything that was good,personal sabotage, my life was a mess. I left home at 15 and have been on my own ever since. This was due to a horribly dangerous environment. I had to leave for my life and sanity. I ran away, but, I would be fine as long as I could incorporate booze. I’m ok,I just like to party and was given a bad hand, it’s not me with the problem, the rest of the world is just fucked up. As a young man it was just survival, and I had a pal, my Budweiser. I don’t need a damn thing but booze.

The trouble, the list too long and personal, things I did, the people I hurt, never did I think all the issues were related to alcohol. The older I got, I came to the realization that life just sucked,everyone was against me and everyone and everything was against me. Never did I realize the evil behind the agenda of my drinking. Cunning.........yes you are you crafty Bitch. But I’ll be ok, I have friends.

In my early 30s the 18 pack every day were not cutting it so I moved on to the hard stuff. I was an extremely high functioning alcoholic, never missed work, but I was always soo high strung (or soooo hungover). “ Intense” as many use the term today.

Spiritually has always been very important to me but was sidelined with my drinking priorities. As my disease progressed so did my problems. I must thank God for the intervention, and my wonderful Wife for her support. I was awaken one night to the most authoritative, kindest, loving, voice declaring “ You must stop now”...... nothing ever was sooo real and universe shattering as that Wednesday night, I will never forget that amazing moment. I did hear my Lord

For those who think there is no hope, believe me, I was one of the best at my disease. Whatever you see as your saving moment, remember, there is hope for anyone with this disease. I send my thoughts and prayers.......

Even if you're not an alcoholic (dependent either chemically or habitually), it definitely sounds like you drink too much. Seeking help is a fine idea but if you want to know if you can moderate, then start moderating. Give yourself restrictions or maybe even set a goal to just go without for awhile. If you find yourself craving, or if you feel depressed without the booze, or fine that you're "not having as much fun without it," then yes it's time to find some sort if help, imo.

You and others in the thread have my prayers for freedom from any addictions.

quote:

Originally posted by jljones:
I come from a family of alcoholics. Even more, I have witnessed 25 years on a job that sees alcohol and drug abuse at its worst.

The thing I’m for sure about is you can not force anyone to seek help. Once they make the choice, there is no guarantee of success. It’s one day at a time.

I too come from a family of alcoholics. While I never considered myself to drink too much too often, or feel the need to have a drink to unwind, I did enjoy good bourbon and wine. I made it a point to quit drinking for periods of time to prove I could. Most recently, for unrelated health reasons I have decided to quit and haven’t been drinking for about 7 months. I don’t miss it when I’m off the booze and have no cravings for a drink.

My POS former brother in law is a major alcoholic and it is the reason his marriage fell apart. He refuse to admit he has a problem, even as his life was falling apart. He can’t stop. You know deep down inside if you have a problem, and only you have the ability to address it. While I don’t believe alcoholism itself is hereditary, I do believe that people can have a genetic predisposition to addiction. I don’t have it, but extremely close relatives do and there are too many alcoholics in my family tree for it to be a coincidence. Best of luck in your choices going forward.

Although some people can quit and stay quit on their own I wasn't one of them. I never had a defense against the 'first' drink. I had to 'surrender to win'. Stopping on my own just made me a 'dry drunk'. If you know someone in AA go with him or her to a meeting just to see how the people act. Life without alcohol isn't all doom and gloom. The last 32 years have been the best and happiest of my life. "Contempt prior to investigation will insure defeat".
Good luck. One day at a time.

My mom used to counsel college kids on how to address alcohol issues. One of the best ways was for them to start a booze hit list.
Tell yourself you are going to go 7 days with no alcohol. 1 simple week. Very short, very attainable.

Open up notes on your phone and make a booze list.
The first thing is your estimate. How many times do you think you will think about alcohol in that 7 days. What is your guess for how many times you will have an alcohol related thought in that timeframe. On day 0 you have to put a number down, an over under for the week. You should also mark a number for what you think is too many, what do you think is too high a number.

Every time you think of alcohol note it on the booze list. Every time, not most of the time, every time. Every time you have an alcohol related thought mark it. Buying gas, and say to yourself, they have a sale on Bud Light I might grab a sixer, mark it. Ad on tv for Crown royal, and you start thinking of the purple bag on your shelf, mark it. Friend asks if you want to go for a drink next week, mark it. Go to get an ice cream and see those big special cubes for scotch in the freezer, and say what if, mark it.

You are far more likely to do this than walk into your first AA meeting. At the end of 7 days you can then evaluate how much you thought you had a problem, vs the problem that you actually do have. This brings scope into play which is what everyone is always asking, how bad am I. Am I a 7 or 10 or a 3 of 10, this will help answer that question.

Then you might have a much clearer understanding of where you are as to you, not someone else. Hope this helps.

I too had to stop drinking due to not having the ability to moderate myself and many other problems that arose due to it.
I was unable to do it alone either.

Find a copy of the AA Big Book. Read the preface "Doctors Opinion". Also read chapter two "There is a solution".
Apply what I call the WHO test W H O Am I Willing? Can I be Honest with myself? Am I Open to new ideas attitudes and emotions. If you read this you will find there are two questions you need to ask yourself. The only one who can answer these is you.

Good Luck

quote:

Originally posted by joatmonv:
Yesterday I received a call from a friend that he was checking himself into a rehab location and that he'll be there for about a month.
He said he didn't want anyone there and that he needed to do this on his own. I know the girlfriend and she was just as surprised as anyone.
I'm not going to lie, this hit hard as this is a person I drank with regularly. Did I know? Pretty much and the problem is also that I am wondering if I need to sit myself down and evaluate my possible problem as well. Do I need to do the same thing or can I moderate myself.
I know, if you have to ask yourself these type of questions, then you have a problem. I'm just not sure I need the type of help he does.
He has missed days of work because of hangovers. Failed relationships. Obnoxious when he's drunk(not to me as I've known him most of his life) and more.
Since I found out yesterday, I have not had a drop. It's not that I'm scared, I just keep thinking, what if I have to do that sometime?

My wife and I quit drinking completely in April of 2019. While I didn’t have any problems I was drinking too much. Now, we save a lot of money and are building a new house. I drink a lot more water, Diet Coke and coffee. I don’t miss the hangovers and I don’t have many issues remembering things. Plus, I feel a helluva lot better in all!

I do miss a cold beer from time to time. I can drink one or two but haven’t. I figure, what’s the point?

After drinking daily for most of my life I gave it up in May 2019.
My realization is that I have no off switch when it comes to scotch and bourbon. I would only have one but it was never empty. I didn't really drink beer that much the past few years but really enjoyed a Black and Tan.
Do not miss the really shitty feeling of nausea and the splitting headache the next morning.
Has done wonders for my blood pressure and helped me lose some weight.
Did fall off the wagon one night this last September on an overnight road trip. Only served to remind me how much I loved it and hated it.

Pretty much quit 5 to 7 years ago decided that it was time, just got up and decided to stop did the same with Diet Coke which I had an even worse habit with....

Wasn't super difficult, it was just something that I felt I needed to do...

Don't really miss it or crave either now, if you think it's time, then it's time, stop and take it a day at a time, before you know you'll be free of it....

Thanks for all the responses.
Last night, I called a friend and asked her what made her Dad stop drinking. I've know her since I was a teenager, which was quite a while ago, and I know her Dad very well. She told me.
I'm on day 3 right now and I'm gonna keep going. Not gonna lie either, after the day I've had, I would like a drink.
Its become habit unfortunately that after work I have a few to take the "edge off".
There's no one here to talk to other than the dog and that's a part of the problem too. Bad day or good day, it's just me and the dog.
I do have an appointment with a counselor that deals with alcoholism on Wednesday so that's done.
I'm just gonna go one day at a time right now and hope for the best.

I quit drinking all alcohol 6 months ago.

I was a binge drinker for about 15 years. Never was a daily drinker, maybe once a week, but it was a lot when I drank for the day.

I think my rock bottom was about a year ago when I almost finished off a whole bottle of Wild Turkey, then proceeded to throw it all up on the carpet in the middle of my room. I remember, not even making an effort of finding a trash can, and just kept throwing it up all on the same spot with my head down staring at it, while thinking what the hell am I doing to myself?

I still drank beers for months after, but decided to quit all of it during Covid furlough back in April.

I'm fortunate that I never experienced any type of withdraws or further urges for a drink. Honestly, drinking stopped being enjoyable the last several years, can't get the same good buzz, always felt like crap right after, and the next day, and I think it's because my body no longer processes it the same as it used to. I kept drinking out of habit as it was a "routine" for me after a long week of work.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Nismo,

best wishes for your recovery. Remember....success is not measured by the number of times we fall, but by the number of times we get up.