He’s always been a rather rude person and hard to deal with. The past nearly 2 months have been HARD. Was some good time initially but the past 3-4 weeks have been a constant berating of me and everyone else around. Constantly “you don’t know what you’re doing”.

He cursed my wife for eating some buffalo chicken dip at his house before thanksgiving dinner. She had brought it and I had already told him she was just visiting, not staying for dinner, as she had made us our own thanksgiving dinner.

Today he removed the keys from all the farm equipment and locked his house. I let him know that I won’t ask if my wife and kids can come see me. I won’t clean up after him and ask if I can use his rags. He told me my wife and kids weren’t welcome because they just use the bathroom without asking.

I kindly told him he could lay in his chair and die miserable, but it’ll be alone.

I repeat, I was kind with it. I know some of yall might remember my tendency to talk like a Sailor!

These are just the straws on the ol’ camels back, I couldn’t begin to list all the grossly disrespectful things he’s done and said to me and others.

I loaded up the truck and came to the house my wife is renting. I’ll load up the rest of my stuff and the camper tomorrow. I’ll have everything out before Monday and won’t return. My brother came up for thanksgiving, we didn’t even eat with him, he left two days early and said he wouldn’t be coming back again.

I’m not upset I sacrificed to try to help him. I’m not upset he’s acting that way, he was never my dad, my grandfather was our dad. He’ll spend his last weeks like he did most of his adult life, without his kids caring and thinking he’s right.

I’ll talk to the Navy on Mon or Tues and see where they want to stick me next.

I say, “I’ll be honest with you gentlemen”, because I was trying to do a good thing and it didn’t work out. I think those instances deserve to be highlighted also. I always talk about good things but this one wound up as far from good as can be.

Sorry it didn’t work out. At least you tried.

Just because you share DNA does not mean you should be abused. Best wishes.

James, I’m sorry to hear things didn’t go as well as they should have. I really hope the Navy can send you back to Korea as I remember you saying that’s where you really wanted to go.

You’ll be in our prayers.

quote:

Originally posted by YooperSigs:
Just because you share DNA does not mean you should be abused. Best wishes.

Yep. I had to set my limit and walk away as well. A lot of us do. I feel bad for those who feel like they can’t, and simply have to take it until the abuser dies.

You tried.

Yeah, Not every relative is family.

It is good that you are able to remove yourself from the situation in a timely manner.

Take care of yourself.

You can’t do anything about your family. They are chose for you. You can chose your friends though. My dad was an ass too. Never had time for kids or grandchildren. I did my part the best I could. That was the only part I was responsible for. Towards the end he was almost impossible to be around. Never made my children or wife go see him. Only thing I can say is don’t have any “if only” in your life. Those are the saddest words in the English language.

One chooses their friends, but inherit family…

It’s like that some time. My dad slowly isolated himself from all family. I was the last to go.

It’s the life he chose

Also a Navy guy and with similar (VERY) family situation, I remember I really worked to get overseas orders for my first sea tour...a giant weight lifted off me when I got them.

When kids came I really tried again...couldn't make it work with my father.

I haven't spoken to him since Thanksgiving 2018, honestly I don't know why I waited so long.

Keep your head up, shipmate!

Family chosen > family by birth in many cases. There's a reason I live in Alaska with an entire country between myself and Texas where I grew up.

While I don't know the whole story I have wonder if dementia is setting in, I have seen this in a couple of people I know.
At least inform his doctor at the turn of events.
If dementia is the case then it really isn't his fault.

I don’t post much in these kind of discussions but I will here. I wouldn’t beat yourself up Otto. If I recall, you gave up your dream job at Great Lakes to go be with your dad during this hard time he going through. That being the case, you made a huge sacrifice. Perhaps he’s having a difficult time dealing with the approach of his sunset and just wants to be alone. The best thing you can do is say a prayer for him, move on and take care of your family and yourself. As he gets worse, there are resources he can call on to help him with his needs. I’ll offer a prayer for all of you. Stay well.

Two cliche quotes come to mind..

"You can't save everyone".

and

"There's some men you just can't reach."

I would ask is your dad all there mentally? If he is you did the absolute correct thing, your family first every time. If not, well patience is a virtue. My dad was sliding mentally his last four years and it was a trying (to say the least) experience. Either way, this has to be a mind drain for you and I wish you and your family the best.

There's a reason you cut a burning ship loose when in tow.

It will drag you down with it.

quote:

Originally posted by jer830:
I don’t post much in these kind of discussions but I will here. I wouldn’t beat yourself up Otto. If I recall, you gave up your dream job at Great Lakes to go be with your dad during this hard time he going through. That being the case, you made a huge sacrifice. Perhaps he’s having a difficult time dealing with the approach of his sunset and just wants to be alone. The best thing you can do is say a prayer for him, move on and take care of your family and yourself. As he gets worse, there are resources he can call on to help him with his needs. I’ll offer a prayer for all of you. Stay well.

Jer,
All very true. And I don’t hold it against him. I can sympathize with what he’s going through and the fact that he may want to go through it alone. I just can’t put up with the way he’s expressing himself. If he can’t cope with it all while family being around then I’ll remove myself from the situation. I don’t regret giving up Great Lakes and at the end of the day, “I tried”. Just very unfortunate.

Thank you for your post. Truly.

Yall may find me heartless, but my personality isn’t one of love. If you’re not one of my kids or grandmother then I just don’t show love, I don’t feel it. So the sad truth is when I drive away tomorrow with my last load I won’t think about the man much ever again. I don’t know what that says about me, but it sucks. I’d hate to have my son drive off any day, must less if I was dying…what are you gonna do though.

quote:

Originally posted by Bytes:
I would ask is your dad all there mentally? If he is you did the absolute correct thing, your family first every time. If not, well patience is a virtue. My dad was sliding mentally his last four years and it was a trying (to say the least) experience. Either way, this has to be a mind drain for you and I wish you and your family the best.

We’ve considered the cancer possibly being in his brain now. We also feel however that he’s still cognizant of his decisions. I truly feel he can’t cope with the inevitable so he’s taking it out on everyone. His own brother left Friday and said he’ll never return.

My parents essentially disinherited my older brother and me and gave everything to our younger drug addled a$$hole brother. He could work but doesn't and lives off of their retirements.

We found out after my father's death what they did. Neither of us have been to his grave since then. My mother will call occasionally but I can't remember the last time I called her.

I'd move on. Just writing this irritated me beyond belief. I've learned that moving on and not thinking about them or what they've done is the best solution.

quote:

Originally posted by OttoSig:
We’ve considered the cancer possibly being in his brain now. We also feel however that he’s still cognizant of his decisions. I truly feel he can’t cope with the inevitable so he’s taking it out on everyone. His own brother left Friday and said he’ll never return.

Dang, Otto... I feel for you. His attitude could come from cancer or choking down his own mortality or just being a jerk. I would suggest giving it a few of weeks of cooling off and giving him a call. If the call doesn't go well, then walk away. I sure don't envy your position my friend, stay strong, this will be a strain on you