Old age and possible dementia or other issues can do weird things to people.

My stepmother's mother (who was like a second grandmother to me) got straight up MEAN sometimes in her final year. She could always be a little snippy sometimes but she was vicious with certain people in the family including my own stepsister who WAS NAMED FOR HER.

It's sad to see but there's nothing you can do but just let them go, don't let him drag you down.

Otto - Checking in on ya my friend. You doing ok? You need anything?

OttoSig- I think you have gone way above and beyond for your dad, more than most people would do, and obviously more than his other family members will do. Possibly his illness has made him worse, but I get the impression your dad has always been a serious challenge to deal with; that is all on him.

I had to make a tough decision a couple of years ago to completely extricate a sibling from my life and my family's life. It wasn't from anger or hate, but from a need to protect my family and for my own self-preservation. It took years, too many years, for me to wake up and realize I could not help, or have even an arms-length relationship with, someone who is a Malignant Narcissist (yes, that is a proper psychological term).

At some point, you have know you have done all you can do and it may not only be futile to attempt to do more, it may actually cause harm to you or to your family.


Pray for your dad. Pray for his well being, physically and spiritually. But that is enough. The rest is on him.


.

Otto, you did the right thing.

I say this as a colleague. You try and try again, only to get kicked in the teeth with zero appreciation and gaslighting ridicule.

I call these types emotional black holes.

My parents were adult children. I didn't want kids because I could not abide by doing the same thing to my own child - but I broke the chains and found it to be easy to raise a child without the drama.

My own sibling turned out to be a grifter and after agreeing to have me care for our demented parent, including doing everything for them from soup to nuts, litigated me claiming elder abuse, extortion, undue influence, etc. The plan was to get me in jail and then sue me for my home and possessions.

No morals, no humanity. Get what they could get at any cost to me.

Unfortunately for them, I was the product of abuse and came out the other end forged by fire and I tend to stand by what's right. I fight back.

This sibling was caught forging official documents and their "stories" were soon thereafter obvious fantasies and lies, so they were made to sit down, shut up and avoid a stint in jail for these transgression which were felonies - if we chose to bring them to the court.

Checkmate.

We no longer have any reason to maintain contact obviously, and I understand they were also caught doing other felonious activities which I am certain is occupying their focus these days, so I am off their radar. People that think they are smarter than everyone else are typically misinterpreting social decorum whereby people ignore your crap to not get involved and they think they fooled someone. Far from it.

So, a calm life without drama is the goal and you help who you can and cut lose the idiots.

quote:

Originally posted by Snapping Twig:
So, a calm life without drama is the goal and you help who you can and cut lose the idiots.

Amen.

The older I get, the more I value simple peace and quiet. A calm, drama-free life is all I ask.

If maintaining my peace means cutting loose a severely stressful family member, or spouse, or career, then so be it.

I've done all three over the last few years in pursuit of that, and come out better for it.

I'm normally a pretty private person, but here is my take:

I was adopted at thirty days old. Both of my adoptive parents were malignant narcissists. I got punished for everything- even the things they did.

All the things the shrinks talk about is real: scapegoating, narcissistic rage, minimizing, being made to feel lesser or inadequate.....

All too real.

It took a long time to realize what they were, and even longer to realize there was no help possible. When the old man died, he was alone, and all I ever felt was relief.

I had to forgive myself for being systematically abused, but it did work, as odd as it sounds.

Blessings to you, Sir. It does get easier.

My wife is done with her mother.

Her own mother told her that god is punishing her and that she'll never walk again and be confined to a wheelchair.

All because she can't move into her house and become her full time care taker/slave.

Well, my wife cannot walk, has ankle reconstruction surgery next month, much less take care of someone else.

She has made her cry for decades now.
I've taken the phone and told her never upset her like that and never to call my house again.


She asks why doess my own mother hate me so much?