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I just found out my father is dead. Alcoholism is a family disease. Login/Join 
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Our prayers and condolences as you continue to work through this. Asking for God’s mercy and graces for you.

Bill Gullette
Posts: 1371 | Registered: March 06, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
delicately calloused
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I’m sorry for your grief. I hope it will be short. You wrote something that triggered a perspective I developed as a new parent way back when. I never knew how abusive my mother was until Mrs df and I had our first son. Then as he grew into the age that I was when I remembered first being beaten and thrown around, I was horrified at understanding who I’d have to be to do that to my precious boy. Then I knew who my mother was and how she has never changed her selfishness.

I pray you’ll find peace relative to your having been abused. Those scars get covered up over time until something exposes them to you again to wincingly remember. Emotions build and wane. Seems I’ll never forget but learning to forgive -truly forgive- does bring peace. Then you can give your children a better father than you had.

You’re a lying dog-faced pony soldier
Posts: 27409 | Location: Highland, Ut. | Registered: May 07, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
You don’t fix faith,
River. It fixes you.

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I'm sorry for your loss.
You're a brave man to face your demons.
And wise one for sharing that journey with others.
God Bless you!

"If you are not prepared to use force to defend civilization, then be prepared to accept barbarism.." - Thomas Sowell
Posts: 2659 | Location: Migrating with the Seasons | Registered: September 26, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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My condolences to you and your family and prayers for strength in your battle.
Posts: 786 | Location: Petal, MS | Registered: January 21, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I’ve discovered that integrity & honesty are appreciated virtues here. I’m sorry for your loss. Give some time, Your relationship with him cannot be broken by death.. As you reflect upon the memories, you’ll soon come to realize he is never fully gone & the best parts remain.

“ Ideals are peaceful. History is violent.“
Posts: 13095 | Location: VIrtual | Registered: November 13, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Man Once
Child Twice
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My sincere condolences to you and your family.
Posts: 10850 | Location: NE OHIO | Registered: October 22, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Joie de vivre
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Your post along with the loss of your dad brought on unexpected emotions to me. I'm sorry to hear of his passing and your life struggles, just look ahead to each day as a blessing.

Stay strong... our sincere condolences.
Posts: 3666 | Location: 1,960' up in Murphy, NC | Registered: January 29, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Keeping the economy moving since 1964
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My condolences to you and yours. There is no manual for this stuff, and we do the best we can.

You can't fall off the floor.
Posts: 7921 | Location: Rochester, NY behind enemy lines | Registered: March 12, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
SIGforum's Indian
Off the Reservation
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So sorry for your loss Smudge. My sincere condolences. Keep trucking on bro, you seem to be on the right path.


You can run, but you cannot hide.

If you won't stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them.

Posts: 4616 | Location: Southern Colorado | Registered: January 01, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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My condolences and best wishes for the future.

End of Earth: 2 Miles
Upper Peninsula: 4 Miles
Posts: 12634 | Location: Marquette MI | Registered: July 08, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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So very sorry for you and your family…
Words cannot express my thoughts..


Our Founding Fathers were men who understood that the right thing is not necessarily the written thing. -kkina
Posts: 5316 | Location: SML & OBX | Registered: February 19, 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Legalize the Constitution
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Very sorry, man

We got a $5 fine for whining

Posts: 11013 | Location: Wyoming | Registered: January 10, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
You have cow?
I lift cow!
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Powerful post sir.

Sorry for your loss.

Posts: 6321 | Location: Bay Area | Registered: December 09, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Frangas non Flectes
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My sister took it pretty hard. So did my fuckwit uncle who didn’t take his ass straight to an in-patient rehab. Completely surprised. I say again: fuckwit.

My father’s cousin, an RN, had been on the phone with him on Sunday and was concerned about his labored breathing on the phone and pleaded with him to go to the ER. He assured her he would go. She couldn’t get him on the phone at home, asked for his room at the local hospital and when they said they didn’t have a patient with his name, she called the troopers for a welfare check.

State Troopers found him in the bathtub with the water running. The room was so damp that there was water dripping from the ceiling. The grab bar from the tub wall was in the bath with him. The drain apparently wouldn’t work and they had to bail the tub out into the toilet and sink and still didn’t get all the water, so what he was decomposing in is still in the tub. It’s a Monitor gas powered water heater that heats the water as you use it, so it was hot water running the whole time.

I just spoke with the coroner and funeral home guy. I asked the coroner what kind of shape the body was in so I could have some kind of idea of when it was that this happened. Coroner didn’t pull any punches. Severe skin slip around the feet where the warm water was running, right arm and shoulder, from what he described, were just about pulled free from the body, I presume from them trying to pull him out of the tub. Severe skin slip all along his back from laying on it in the water. Distended belly, blackened and distorted head and face. It seems to me he was in there at least several days. I asked the coroner not to tell my mother these details. I don’t think I will tell my sister, either.

Mortician said cremation will run two thousand something. My mother was stunned. I got on the phone and told him my father used to tell us that when he died, throw him on a barbecue and scoop the ashes into a shoebox. “Don’t spend a dime on me when I’m dead,” he said, and I intend to carry that out as best I can. Mortician laughed but wouldn’t budge on the pricing.

I told my son that my father died and he immediately got a sympathetic frown on his face and said “I’m so sad for you, Dad.” It caught me off guard and I lost it.

He died a horrible alcoholic death. He was having some sort health emergency and opted to take a hot bath instead. I wonder if he decided at some point that it was bad enough he needed to get out and was using the grab bar to help himself up when it finally gave way. The neighbor up the hill said that days after my mother left, my father was sitting in his truck blocking two lanes with a flat tire at the top of the hill. Neighbor went up and asked what his deal was and he said he ran out of gas. Neighbor left and called the troopers to deal with it. The following day, there some some other incident involving the Camaro that my mother couldn’t remember the details of which also involved the troopers getting called.

He got at least twenty tickets over the last year for driving on expired license, expired registration, headlight out, etc. He was well-known to the troopers. I fucking called the local barracks six months ago and told them he drives around stoned and drunk and they said that unless I could tell them exactly where he was on the road at that moment, under the influence, that they couldn’t do anything about it. What does it take to get a drunk stoner fucking arrested? Does him being the former anti-smuggling fed in that nowhere of a cow country mean he gets to do this shit with impunity? I’m disgusted. Oh, and New York state has one forensic coroner performing all autopsies for the state to something to that effect, and the soonest we can get a report on the autopsy is twelve weeks, and the county coroner has seen it go as long as two years. Unreal.

Thank you all for the replies. I’ll go through this at some point and read the thread and reply and all that. I stayed up all night straight through and with all my health stuff going on, I need to go crash.

Thank you, Sigforum.

I believe in the 25th amendment.
Posts: 13849 | Location: Seattle-ish | Registered: February 10, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Telecom Ronin
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My condolences, and great job on staying doing so you are showing your son something your father could not show you...strength.

I lost my father to drugs and alcohol and broke off my relationship with him at a young age with out telling him I loved him....I am happy that you could at least do that...I think it will help you with your loss.

I still carry anger with me to this day, it's been 35 years, I am angry that he missed out on his wonderful grandsons. I also am angry with myself for breaking off our relationship....I can not say for sure that it pushed him farther into the hell that was his life but when I am feeling sorry for myself it brings me to tears.

I want to say again...Great job on your sobriety...
Posts: 8188 | Location: Back in NE TX stay | Registered: February 12, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Character, above all else
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Our prayers and blessings to you and your family. Thank you for having the courage to write out your experiences and feelings, and then sharing them with us. Your post has brought out some honest posts from others as well. This thread has much for all of us to contemplate, at least for me anyway. Peace.

"The Truth, when first uttered, is always considered heresy."
Posts: 2316 | Location: West of Fort Worth | Registered: March 05, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Mortician said cremation will run two thousand something.

Actually that is a good price. I priced them at that tweleve years ago. That is using the cardboard box which is required.
Posts: 11333 | Location: Stuck at home | Registered: January 02, 2015Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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My prayers are with you and your family.

Have no regrets, you are a good man.

Life Member NRA & Washington Arms Collectors

Mistake not my current state of joshing gentle peevishness for the awesome and terrible majesty of the towering seas of ire that are themselves the milquetoast shallows fringing my vast oceans of wrath.
Posts: 1334 | Location: T-town in the 253 | Registered: January 16, 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Drill Here, Drill Now
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My condolences on the loss of your father.

Ego is the anesthesia that deadens the pain of stupidity

DISCLAIMER: These are the author's own personal views and do not represent the views of the author's employer.
Posts: 20420 | Location: N. Houston, TX | Registered: November 14, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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You should not be ashamed, and you owe me zero apologies. I'm proud of you, it takes strength and resolve to put down the drink. I'm even more proud that you are now helping others. Keep it up.


Sic Semper Tyrannis
Posts: 18701 | Location: Loudoun County, Virginia | Registered: December 27, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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