SIGforum.com    Main Page  Hop To Forum Categories  The Lounge    My friend is always in a relationship disaster...
Page 1 2 3 
Go
New
Find
Notify
Tools
Reply
  
My friend is always in a relationship disaster... Login/Join 
Member
posted Hide Post
Blue light syndrome. There are may variations, but the end result is an addiction to drama in their lives. I grew up in a family like this. My primary goal in life once I left was a peaceful, tranquil home life. I married at 22, I'm 65 married to the same woman. I had to disassociate myself from most of my family as this syndrome is rampant among my siblings. Personally, I've NEVER required government intervention (ie law enforcement) at my home. Also, my hard and fast dating rule was no nurses, no hair dressers. I married my gunner on a "special weapons" storage facility in Germany. Worst case, I figured she had my six with a machine gun.
 
Posts: 17147 | Location: Lexington, KY | Registered: October 15, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
W07VH5
Picture of mark123
posted Hide Post
Some guys are absolutely terrified of being alone. I had a good friend that had one terrible relationship after another. However, they were long lasting and terrible. Admittedly, I helped end one of his relationships by getting him away from the abuse and sort of throwing him at a good girl. He promptly corrupted her and I still apologize if I run into her. Then he set his eye on one of my best friends, she was like my little sister. I told both of them no way but they went ahead without my blessing and I lost both of their friendships. So not only does he have awful romantic relationships, he also has issues with friendships that aren't based on doing drugs together.

I'm sure it's not so uncommon.
 
Posts: 45385 | Location: Pennsyltucky | Registered: December 05, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Little ray
of sunshine
Picture of jhe888
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by ZSMICHAEL:
quote:
The joke among family lawyers is that "tens do not marry twos."

^^^^^^^^^^^
Except when the twos have lots of money.


You prove the point. If they marry for money, they are not tens. (I'm not talking about looks.)




The fish is mute, expressionless. The fish doesn't think because the fish knows everything.
 
Posts: 53122 | Location: Texas | Registered: February 10, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
quote:
You prove the point. If they marry for money, they are not tens. (I'm not talking about looks.)

^^^^^^^^^^
Then what? Agreeable, intelligent not gold diggers. Bo Derek started the whole ten thing and she is not in Mensa.
 
Posts: 17269 | Location: Stuck at home | Registered: January 02, 2015Reply With QuoteReport This Post
quarter MOA visionary
Picture of smschulz
posted Hide Post
quote:
My friend is always in a relationship disaster...



It's not you it's me ....... Frown
 
Posts: 22941 | Location: Houston, TX | Registered: June 11, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Big Stack
posted Hide Post
Some people like starting relationships better than they like actually being in them. I have a long time female friend who's on her sixth husband. But being female, she tends to come out of them in better shape than when she went in.
 
Posts: 21240 | Registered: November 05, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member!
posted Hide Post
Well if all his relationships are showing exactly the same pattern, then either he's picking the exact same type of woman who is leaving every time, or more likely, he's turning into the exact same asshole each time and driving them away. Some people feel that once the relationship/marriage is established, it means they can change into their true forms without repercussion and the other has to accept it. "Usually" it's on the woman's side since they spend their lives hiding behind makeup, friends, lifestyles, and such. In this case, I would bet it's him.
 
Posts: 4351 | Location: Boise, ID USA | Registered: February 14, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of erj_pilot
posted Hide Post
Simply put, and to what others have alluded, he's not happy with himself. If he had to be alone with himself, he would be miserable. He therefore must find "happiness" via other avenues and as long as he THINKS he can find happiness in a relationship, he will continue this destructive behavior.

It would be wise for him to discover his personal Attachment Style and work on himself before he imposes himself on some unsuspecting woman...



"If you’re a leader, you lead the way. Not just on the easy ones; you take the tough ones too…” – MAJ Richard D. Winters (1918-2011), E Company, 2nd Battalion, 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 101st Airborne

"Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil... Therefore, as tongues of fire lick up straw and as dry grass sinks down in the flames, so their roots will decay and their flowers blow away like dust; for they have rejected the law of the Lord Almighty and spurned the word of the Holy One of Israel." - Isaiah 5:20,24
 
Posts: 11066 | Location: NW Houston | Registered: April 04, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
This thread shows why the people who say you have a 50/50 shot of getting divorced are not quite right.

Even though 50% of all marriages end in divorce doesn’t mean you have a 50/50 chance because people who get divorced typically do it over and over again.
 
Posts: 3930 | Registered: January 25, 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Lefty Sig:
Cluster B attachment disorder. Borderline or Narcissist, or a mixture of both.

The pattern is meet a new person, idealize them, think they are everything and a soulmate. After a little time, when the new person does not live up to the idealization, they start devaluing the person and finding everything wrong, belittling, withholding affection, giving the silent treatment, then "splitting", which is going back and forth between love and hate, until eventually they completely devalue and discard the person.

Such disorders are caused by lack of attachment to the primary caregiver when very young, creating a big hole that can never be filled. They want to fill it so much they go through the above cycle, but because no adult can provide the parental love that was not given in the first place, the relationships almost always fail.

Now, either he is one of these, OR is a codependent (because his parent was a Cluster B) and addicted to the attention and "love" that cluster B's provide in the initial phase of idealization.


No offense but I already told everyone why this happens. It is very well known among behavioral experts. Trust me, I've studied this deeply because of a few relationships with people like this. Everyone would be wise to understand what Cluster-B disorders are and how to spot them.

Hunter Biden is a trainwreck because Joe is a narcissist (evidenced by pathological lying, hairplugs, bragging about pushups, and a ton of other stuff) and neglected Hunter as a child.

AND I believe the incidence of this has skyrocketed due to women putting infants in day care after 6 weeks and the day care workers not attending to infants enough to meet their developmental needs because they are looking after too many. Try to get one to stop crying and a half dozen more are crying and getting no care.

Humans evolved with infants and toddlers having constant contact with their mothers. The idea that children can be separated from their mothers and raised by strangers is yet another lie promoted by the "anti-family" progressives.
 
Posts: 4727 | Location: Indiana | Registered: December 28, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of lastmanstanding
posted Hide Post
Putting a child in daycare is anti family? The day care my grandson goes to is well staffed with professionals. I think it's more important to socialize a child at a early age. I have seen the effects of not doing so. The so called helicopter moms can be far worse to a child's development than a day care. Our neighbors pulled their only daughter out of school very early at the very first sign of potential bullying. She became home schooled staying in doors. She became isolated and entirely dependent on mom. That girl is now 22 years old still lives at home has no job no social skills and recently announced she is non binary.

We have lived next to this girl since birth. I have seen her out of doors maybe 100 times in all those years and that is just to get in a vehicle and make a quick trip to the store with mom and usually back home in ten minutes.

Entirely dysfunctional because she was shielded and protected from all the bumps and bruises life deals. She was never left to cry for two minutes.


"Fixed fortifications are monuments to mans stupidity" - George S. Patton
 
Posts: 8539 | Location: Minnesota | Registered: June 17, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Prefontaine
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Lefty Sig:

No offense but I already told everyone why this happens. It is very well known among behavioral experts. Trust me, I've studied this deeply because of a few relationships with people like this. Everyone would be wise to understand what Cluster-B disorders are and how to spot them.

Hunter Biden is a trainwreck because Joe is a narcissist (evidenced by pathological lying, hairplugs, bragging about pushups, and a ton of other stuff) and neglected Hunter as a child.

AND I believe the incidence of this has skyrocketed due to women putting infants in day care after 6 weeks and the day care workers not attending to infants enough to meet their developmental needs because they are looking after too many. Try to get one to stop crying and a half dozen more are crying and getting no care.

Humans evolved with infants and toddlers having constant contact with their mothers. The idea that children can be separated from their mothers and raised by strangers is yet another lie promoted by the "anti-family" progressives.


Lefty, I too, have studied psychology for years. Had to, due to my f’d up childhood. It was either do a deep dive, read until my eyes bled, study for years, or go pay thousands to a quack.

I would like to hear your take (perhaps another thread) on current society. I’m talking about the effects of the phone being placed in the child’s hands so early, as well as social media. I’m seeing the millennial and gen z takeover in marketing and these 2 generations are really f’d up. Lack of work ethic, narcissism, entitlement, etc. I’ve never seen worse behavior in my life. The cineplexes are chalked. The gym, is close to the same. I’d read some on the stunting of development in the human brain due to being shut in on devices instead of being social via sports, being outside playing, etc. It’s also had a heavy hand in the spreading of ADHD. I ask because I’m seeking more of an understanding why this is so rampant.



What am I doing? I'm talking to an empty telephone
 
Posts: 12650 | Location: Down South | Registered: January 16, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
Lastman,

There is a difference between socialization as a child and teen and early attachment to the primary care giver.

"Well staffed with professionals" does not mean the infant's emotional needs will be met. Even a "professional" looking after a half dozen infants CANNOT provide the necessary and immediate attention that a birth mother does. Children should be exposed to other children, and adults as they normally are, IN THE COMPANY of the primary care giver.

The evidence is clear. The college age students claiming that speech they don't like is violence against them and looking for "safe spaces" from ideas they don't like is classic Borderline PD behavior. If you have dealt with one in a relationship or family then you will understand.

And the anti-social personality disorder (another variant of Cluster-B disorders) common among poor children of drug addicted single parents is more evidence.

Like Jordan Peterson - this is not my "opinion" this is what the research and clinical experience tells us.
 
Posts: 4727 | Location: Indiana | Registered: December 28, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of lastmanstanding
posted Hide Post
You have answered your own questions in many ways. The advancement of technology isn't all good. It created powerful computers in the palm of your hand. It created social media platforms that are deliberately bent to influence young minds in a adverse way by the people who have created and run them. The parents who use these computers as baby sitters because they are too lazy to interact with their kids. Tip of the obvious iceberg.

The answers don't always have to be so complicated.


"Fixed fortifications are monuments to mans stupidity" - George S. Patton
 
Posts: 8539 | Location: Minnesota | Registered: June 17, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Was that you
or the dog?
Picture of SHOOTIN BLANKS
posted Hide Post
I have not spent much time with any of these women. I do know the last three have been nurses, and he does not work in the health care industry.I have not spent much time with any of these women. I do know the last three have been nurses, and he does not work in the health care industry.

So is he a cop or a FF?


___________________________
"Opinions vary" -Dalton
 
Posts: 1634 | Location: PA | Registered: February 11, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
I have a friend like that but his second wife has been verbally and physically abusive to him but he won't give her up for whatever reason. Some guys like working for free.
 
Posts: 6899 | Location: Treasure Coast,Fl. | Registered: July 04, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of spunk639
posted Hide Post
I have a colleague on wife two and child number four on the way with his 37 year old wife, he's 58.
 
Posts: 2780 | Location: Boston, Mass | Registered: December 02, 2000Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of wrightd
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by lastmanstanding:
There are many,many people who cannot live unless there is upheaval of one kind or another in their life regardless of what direction it comes from. Spouse, kids, relative, coworker the drama must be ongoing and continuous. I've known several people like this. I usually break ties and run away otherwise you will get caught up in it. At the very least listening to their constant drama stories.

Don't think there's a cure they are just hard wired this way.

I've seen that. Some people a more comfortable suffering for whatever reasons.




Lover of the US Constitution
Wile E. Coyote School of DIY Disaster
 
Posts: 8697 | Location: Nowhere the constitution is not honored | Registered: February 01, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
  Powered by Social Strata Page 1 2 3  
 

SIGforum.com    Main Page  Hop To Forum Categories  The Lounge    My friend is always in a relationship disaster...

© SIGforum 2024