The twins will graduate high school this year and will likely end up living with me more than their mom.

She surprised me today when she sent me a text saying that she was going to begin having them pay her for her half of the car insurance that we cover for them.

I sent her a note back and said that is up to her, but I think that we should be covering there living expenses until at least they graduate high school.

Got me thinking though, they are now 18 years old, in a few months they will both be high school graduates and they will be living at home.

They share a car, both have cell phones; not to mention being teenage boys, they eat me out of house and home.

They both plan to attend school full-time beginning in June, and my guess is that they will be mostly living here.

Regardless of what their mom does, I am not going to take a penny from them while they are still in high school.

After that day comes and goes though, what have the rest of you been doing?

As long as they have their act together, are attending school, and I have them as a dependent on my taxes, I won't charge my kids anything.

Any of those 3 conditions change and it's out the door you go!

I gave all my kids the following two options:

1. If they go to college full-time, I will do everything I can to support them to include room & board (in my house ), and helping with books and/or tuition. They had one year to enroll in college.

2. If they chose to not attend college, they had one year to either move out or begin paying for room & board, and I would help them get a car (to drive to and from work).

The room & board was rather equitable - $500/mo. Oh, and they had certain rules to follow (parties, keeping me informed when/if they would be home, their location, etc. Nothing to be snoop or tell them "no." Just for their safety.

Two kids moved out within a year (one finally got off her ass and went to college now finishing her Master's of Science in Math).

And one joined the army (he's also wised up and finishing his degree to get his commissioning in the Navy).

That's a tough one and will be different for most people.

I agree while in high school support them as much as possible. At the same time they need to learn to manage their money. Will they get part time jobs?
If they have income then it only makes sense (to me) that they contribute towards some of their own costs (cell phone, clothes, etc.)
You need to have the discussion with them also. Get their buy in on what works for all of you so there are no surprises, but accountability. After all you are really still helping them learn how to be better people.

Cheers~

Me and my ex started charging the "kids" (I use the term loosely) when they were out of school and either had jobs, or needed to get jobs to support themselves. What they earned during education went to help with education, and reasonable entertainment during education, rather than household or living expenses.

The charging of kids is reasonable in my opinion when: they have the time and ability to get a job, they are consuming, or benefiting from your position and resources, and need motivation and life experience.

I don't expect kids in school to be able to spend enough time working at today's depressed wages to be able to materially affect today's elevated costs of living. That they contributed to their education was sufficient for me; lab fees, books, part of room and board, etc. When they were in school, I didn't want work to distract from good school work, and frankly, good socialization with their peers. I wanted them to work, but no so much that they were shorted on education and decent life experience.

Once they were out of school, It's time for life experience to show up. As housing costs in the Boston area are off the chain, it was better for them to live at home and contribute, than find sketchy roommates, or live in a shitty area with the attendant risks on what they could afford from starter hourly jobs.

My son moved in with me when he was 19 and started commuting to college. I didn't charge him a dime, I paid his cell phone and car insurance, that was it.

Fast forward to now. He's full-time with the WV ARNG. Granted, he's only a Specialist, but he brings home a check. He pays his own phone, own car insurance, gets his own food, etc. I still don't charge rent because he's my son and as long as I have a roof, he has a roof.

Bottom line; it depends. I wanted to make sure my son had a good foundation to build his future on, so I saw no need to make that transition from childhood to adulthood overly difficult. So long as I could provide X, and he did not abuse X, I did. There were a couple of times he ran up data charges or incurred expenses through negligence or whatever...and those he paid for (he worked while in school). But otherwise I footed the bills.

quote:

Originally posted by Shaql:
As long as they have their act together, are attending school, and I have them as a dependent on my taxes, I won't charge my kids anything.

Any of those 3 conditions change and it's out the door you go!

For me too. I don’t have a hard date in mind. My daughter will be 18 during the majority of her senior year, I’m not going to expect anything different on her 18th birthday than I do the day before it.

When my dad handed me the keys to my first car, he also handed me a piece of paper. He said, “ that number is how much money I need to cover your insurance, the first tank of gas is on me-go find a job.”

I began washing dishes at McDonalds shortly afterwards.

I joined the service, delayed enlistment and was to report in September after graduating in June. Mom n dad didn’t make me pay rent. But I had a job up to the week I left for bootcamp.

quote:

Originally posted by Shaql:
As long as they have their act together, are attending school, and I have them as a dependent on my taxes, I won't charge my kids anything.

Any of those 3 conditions change and it's out the door you go!

Same here.

When my son asked me about his options when finishing up HS i gave him 3 choices;
-Go to school, live rent free.
-get a job, pay rent.
-move out.

It sounds harsher then it was. We kept him on our cell phone plan and he paid us for his part since it was much cheaper then getting his own plan. We picked up food and such. We did not carry a car for him on our insurance but he would have been paying that if we did.

We never charged him for anything until after he graduated HS. Finishing HS was always an expectation and his responsibility, providing for him was our responsibility. After he graduated we had to find a new balance in our relationship and treating him like an adult when discussing this really worked out well.

Our goal had always been to make him a contributing member of society and get him out on his own. Which path he went down to get there was always up to him.

Well I’ve been telling mine to “Get a Job” since she was like 3. So much so that now she will look at me and sigh....”I know, I know get a job!” Then she we tell me that she legally cannot do so at this point. . So I think I’ve planted the seed.

I started paying my car insurance the day I turned 18. After high school, I started slowly taking over other bills as I progressed through college. I think it worked out well, it got me used to paying for my own stuff without going from nothing to thousands of dollars a month all at once. We didn't really have a plan, I just gradually took on more and more.

My kids are young but I paid for my own car insurance when I got a truck (which my parents gave me) when I turned 16. I paid for pretty much all of my gas, as well, though they subsidized that some. I never paid any rent to live with them even for a short stint after college.

Some folks will bank the money they collect from the kid & use it to help head-start them when they really do move out.

As long as he was in college, I picked up the bills at home and at school.

He graduated and got a job and is out on his own.

If he was unemployed and trying to find work, he could live at home rent free.

I am sure as soon as he got employed he would have moved out.

I have yet to do it for either of my kids. I have been living on my own since I was 16 and had to work for everything I have. I eventually want them to pay their own way, but while I have the ability to help them, I will. My daughter works full time and goes to school, so does my son, except the work part. I pay all the bills with the exception of my daughter's Jeep, she pays that. My wife and I have told them both that they can stay as long as they want, but they have to save a certain percentage of their wages. I figure that eventually they will fly the coop and it's much better that they buy a house or property instead of renting and to have little to no debt before leaving. This is the best we can do for them.

I have seen parents charge a really low rent and then when they do move out they give them that money to get a head start. The parents are not telling the kids that they will get the money in the future so it helps teach the kids on how to handle money.

I never married and had kids, but I can relate how my parents worked it out with me. I lived at home until I graduated from college ("streetcar" college in the city). From high school onward I had a number of after-school and summer jobs, and the money I earned mostly went to help pay my way at home (clothes, food, books). I had use of the family car while in college and eventually had one of my own--I filled them with gas every so often. There was no discussion or arrangement about my status while in school that I remember--it just happened. Immediately upon graduation from college I was commissioned a 2Lt in USAF and left home. My dad was still working and he took care of my mom and sister until he was 65 and suffered several strokes. At that point I took up support of my sister in college (with her help)--Social Security took care of my parents without much assistance from me. (At that time I'd been RIFed and had enlisted as an E-4 to serve 5 more years and retire--as a Captain O-3.) After retirement I got a condo for my parents to live in and they insisted on paying a modest rent (well below local rates)--they were very proud people.

flashguy

Having a car was optional for me and I had to pay insurance & gas myself.
The money itself wasn't the issue, it's learning that things have a cost associated with them and nothing makes that connection like having to write the check yourself.

supporting them all through college

not things like their shopping trips, entertainment, etc

but as long as they are in school setting themselves up for success - I am happy to help them on the path

but they are motivated and they have never 'taken advantage' of the assistance

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