Unless your gf is nuts, or has crazy tendencies (no insult intended) take her, she's part of your life and has been for 2 years if it was two months different story.

Leave the GF home. I say that because all of this was her idea...not yours. To me, that makes a big difference.

There will be plenty of other opportunities for your boys and you two to spend time together and get to know one another. Your GF wants to be involved more in your life and I get that but this is their day, not hers.

If you even think it’s going to be awkward, go alone- and it sounds like you think it’s gonna be awkward.
It’s not sad. It’s about you supporting and celebrating your boys. Nothing else should really interfere.

ETA: she can get them a nice gift, and perhaps you can have a small bar-b-q at your place at another time if she feels strongly about celebrating this milestone with them.

Ask the boys how they feel about it . Hopefully they are mature enough to say what the hell , we don't care . It's your life .
Assuming that the girlfriend is really a part of your life and not just a fun date , it's time to ease her into more social situations and this is a good start .

I'd say ask the boys if you think ex will be civil. If you don't think she will be civil then don't even bother asking them, go alone.

Sounds like you think it could and likely would be awkward due to reaction of ex, compounded by her family being there as well. To me the whole ex-crew rolling in is the issue, regardless of how amicable you and your ex herself may get along. May already be enough of that with just you there, so I'd go with the recommendations to just go solo on this one in an effort to minimize that and any distractions from the boys' big day.

I'm not a fan of the ask-the-boys approach. They'll probably be hesitant to say no. Also while they know you both they, at this age, are probably (thankfully!) unaware of how petty and pissy family can be sometimes and once that gets rolling it's too late. I think this is one of those instances where you have to make the adult choice with the best odds and roll with it. It's just a few hours, and as suggested the girlfriend getting them a little something and y'all having a second afterparty later in week at your place sounds great.

If they have never met her I would vote to go it alone.

Just came back from my niece’s wedding in Austin. Although I had told my brother beforehand to leave his girlfriend of six months (who is about 30 years his junior) at home as no one had ever met her he still insisted he knew what he was doing and that he didn’t care what anyone thought of it.

Needless to say, it was all about him on his daughter’s biggest day ... and the rest, you might say, is an awkward and uncomfortable history.

I felt very bad for my niece.

quote:

Originally posted by Black92LX:
Out of curiosity how often do you have/see your boys?
You have a gf for two years and they don’t really know her? That seems odd to me.

I don’t see an issue taking her.

I agree with this. Plus, it’s not like she’ll be dancing on the stage or making a speech.

Sad for who? Sad for her because she’s not going. Did she give you the puppy dog eyes when she said that?

You weren’t going to take her in the first place and you had a reason for that. Stick with that.

Go alone and do not ask your boys for their opinion.

The ex and her family should be nowhere in the equation .

I think the critical thing here is will the girlfriend feel slighted if you don't ask her. I know a very nice lady that quit seeing a very nice guy mostly because he didn't want her around his children. If there's a chance this is a woman that is going to be around a long time (and 2 years us a good start) you need to consider her feelings.

2 year mark. For me, 2 years in a relationship has been a make or break point. It's a point when the relationship breaks and/or in retrospect the point when it should have broken. Perhaps this is a test from your gf - are you going to man up and defend her or not.

But assuming she is a normal person and there aren't any exceptional circumstances being left out of the details here, I don't see why this is an awkward situation, especially one in which a mature adult would let it be apparent and cause a scene. Including the kids.

And I'm sorry, HS graduation is not some big achievement. Not when, say, 90% of similar people (ie - not including inner city poverty) are graduating. It's a coming of age thing that almost everyone goes through; it's an event and not an achievement. If the kids feel a little awkward, perhaps they should be forced to grow a little more. This is a demographic who, in a year's time, will be puking while have sex on a beach while trashing hotel rooms on spring break. And we have concerns that they might feel awkward if you simply bring your gf to a celebratory event - to share in celebrations and congratulations?

If the ex/family feel awkward and make a thing of it, perhaps their immaturity should be acknowledged and recognized; perhaps it's good the kids are aware of it.

Sorry, I guess that turned out harsher than I expected. I'm just in a mood this morning where I'm averse to letting the feelings of others unreasonably influence my behavior.

Go alone. You don't need any drama from ex wife and GF.

quote:

Originally posted by GWbiker:
Go alone. You don't need any drama from ex wife and GF.

This coupled with the fact that you and your GF will draw attention away from the graduation. It's the graduates day to celebrate.

Take her. You ex- and her relatives will have a great time talking about how fat she is getting.

I presume you are 2 years post divorce. If you have had this GF for 2 years and you are at least that long after the divorce, it seems to me that is more than enough time for everyone to get used to the idea that you and your wife aren't married anymore, and that you have moved on and have a GF.

After 2 years, I don't think you should have to accommodate anyone's tender feelings any more. That is on them. If your ex is still so tender than she can't see you with another woman, well, too bad for her. If she is so crazy that she will create a disruption, then she should stay away. Divorced people move on. Everyone has to get over it.

I think you should not have to walk on eggshells.

quote:

Originally posted by jhe888:
I presume you are 2 years post divorce. If you have had this GF for 2 years and you are at least that long after the divorce, it seems to me that is more than enough time for everyone to get used to the idea that you and your wife aren't married anymore, and that you have moved on and have a GF.

After 2 years, I don't think you should have to accommodate anyone's tender feelings any more. That is on them. If your ex is still so tender than she can't see you with another woman, well, too bad for her. If she is so crazy that she will create a disruption, then she should stay away. Divorced people move on. Everyone has to get over it.

I think you should not have to walk on eggshells.

Agree. Personally, as the GF, I would not want to attend a graduation which is generally just sitting bored for a couple of hours while people talk and walk across a stage, only to then just shake some hands after which the grads jet off to party all night. But if she wants to participate, I don't know why she should be punished by exclusion to avoid the possible immaturity of others. Ironic at an event supposed to celebrate maturity, coming of age and independence.

I would only ask the boys if they are cool with it, understanding that this is something you want


If someone gets butthurt, that's on them

At their age, 17-18 y/o, I think the boys would understand. If you have been with her for 2 years and they like her- you like her, I don't see an issue. If you are serious about her and have long term plans with her, I would not hesitate to take her. She has been a part of all your lives for 2 years and maybe she feels like part of the family or feels close and wants to give you and them support. She maybe testing the waters, so to speak. However if you don't have long term plans with her, this could start some possible issues that could resolve/start now.