Sometimes when I cannot endure, He picks me up and carries me.

Footprints In The Sand
http://www.footprints-inthe-sa...p?page=Poem/Poem.php

Without question the greatest changes in my thinking has been that I no longer place any blame on God for difficulties, instead drawing closer to him. He has carried me so many days, he's opened both my mind and heart up, having more compassion for others than I've ever felt in my life, what a gift, thank you Lord you have saved me once again today. May God always be your strength lbj, his mighty grace abounds.

quote:

Originally posted by lbj:
I do not feel like I did anything to deserve all this, but hey, it still feels really good to be honored.

Your presence and friendship have honored all who know you. No small feat in life and a proud legacy and example for all.

Congratulations Tom!!

May I extend my hand to give you a firm handshake thru God’s Touch?

Roy

Prayers as always sent

Love the family pic !

quote:

Originally posted by ontmark:
Last vacation together - I sure hope and pray it isn’t.

I can remember when I was deep into Chemo and Radiation at 160 lbs soaking wet.

Wife and I were in Bed Bath and Beyond. She eyed one of them Kitchen Aid Stand mixers in red. She said she has always wanted one. I said then let’s buy it. She said can we afford it and I said sure.

Mind you we sold $25,000 from my 401-K stock account to help with the bills that were coming in. I thought to myself this is probably last gift to her I will be a part of. I never told her that thought until recently.

Will six years later this year I bought for father’s day the meat grinder attachment and we ground some Ribeye for burgers.

One never knows for sure and with God’s grace what is in store for us.

Thanks for sharing your family times.

As always prayers sent.
Roy

AMEN!!

that is pretty awesome Tom

congrats on he great award and it looks like you and the family has a terrific time

all things being equal, not many families can do that

I am sure it won't be your last

I was sitting around thinking today about me being a parent.
Now, I have been parenting for years now but something struck me.

I was thinking about a tiff the daughters had during our family vacation to Cedar Point.
Hey, tiffs happen among siblings, it's just nature at work. But yes, the tiff was serious at the time.

I remember thinking at the time that I was not worried about the vacation being ruined, I was worried about the relationship between the 2 daughters and the ramifications that could follow.

Hmmm.
Both daughters did apologize saying they were sorry for ruining the trip. Well, they didn't ruin anything but I was surprised by my thoughts about what I was more concerned about.

In the end, yeah, I'm definitely a parent, for sure.

Yesterday was range day with the oldest daughter. We spent two and a half hours of actual shooting 500rds.
We had a S&W 3913 Tactical, an old Ruger Standard, my trusty and historic P210-4 Border Police, AR15 and AR10.

We both have matching shoulder bruises from Big Green, my AR10.
It's kind of funny too in that I decided near the end to pull out the P32 cc piece and shoot it.
She named it Little Tan.

^ Good stuff there.

Congratulations. That is freaking awesome!!

Love the family photo. God bless you and your family, Sir.

quote:

Originally posted by lbj:

I was worried about the relationship between the 2 daughters and the ramifications that could follow.

Hmmm.

In the end, yeah, I'm definitely a parent, for sure.

Good for you. It is hard to be a parent at times and you did well.

Prayers sent Tom

Roy

This just came out in NY Times

posting for general interest

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07...ght-cancer.html?_r=0

Harnessing the Immune System to Fight Cancer

I don't have to fly thousands of miles like some patients referred to in the study.
It's available to me a few miles away in Fort Collins, a town of about 150K.

All of my treatment is done through the CU Health center in Fort Collins.
I don't know whether this treatment is available so close because of the University of Colorado's involvement or not.

I am on Opdivo as mentioned in the article.

Congratulations on the award.

Thanks.

It was a very weird day today with strange thoughts.
Then again, perhaps it was a very strange day with weird thoughts.

We flew youngest daughter in from Texas for the weekend. As I drove her to the airport yesterday, she expressed the fact that she doesn't know what she will do without me, that she is going to need my advice far out in the future and I won't be there.
She is right about me being gone, but I told her just like dad told me 6 months before he died.

It kinda goes like this:
I am very happy with who you are. You have all the tools you need to get through life so I am not worried about you, you will do just fine.

That was a paraphrase.

Mrs LBJ is having a tough time as well. Normal IMO.

But as we all know, I am prey to some oddball off the wall thoughts at times and today was that day.
I was thinking about how depressed the family is right now regarding my demise.
On the one hand it shows they really love me.
On the other hand, part of me says buck it up family, life is full of loss and natural, there is much to live for after I am gone, life is good, not to mention wonderful. I mean, ya'll need to be thinking about that. If I can leave you all anything, that's would be it, have a long and happy life, life is so great, just live it and find something to live for each day, even if only a few moments in an otherwise mundane day.

Of course, each family member has to have space to do this in their own way. I know this, but sometimes the semi depression they are going through is painful for me. I understand it may pale in comparison to how they feel but still.
And sometimes I think I may have the easy part and they have the hard part.

But then the weirdness entered my head, but only momentarily.
Sometimes, it's just so painful and too much for me to watch them going through this. The grenade thing I talked about early on in this thread and the collateral damage therein.

I got to thinking (wrongly of course) that maybe I should be a bit more of an asshole. That way, I could drive them away just enough they won't think of me as a saint. That such would make it easier for them to deal with the loss that will come one day.

That's weird, isn't it.
I am not going to act on it, it just entered my mind just because I am who I am.
My mind is always running scenarios and options regarding most anything the past 61 years.

Anyway, I thought to write this down for you all to read because that's what I do in this thread.

The good news for tonight is that the wife and I are starting to plan our Hawaiian vacation for the two of us like a helicopter ride, horseback riding, snorkeling, and rest time at the hotel and on the beach.

When I was 13, my parents took us for a stay at the Mauna Kea resort with it's white sand beach.
That is where my wife and I will stay.

http://www.princeresortshawaii...each-hotel/index.php

quote:

I got to thinking (wrongly of course) that maybe I should be a bit more of an asshole. That way, I could drive them away just enough they won't think of me as a saint. That such would make it easier for them to deal with the loss that will come one day.

This made me laugh out loud. For no other reason that I would imagine it is a normal thought, no matter how illogical. I am going to be a bit of an ass and hurt you a bit, so that when I die, you won't hurt as much.

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin1069:
This made me laugh out loud. For no other reason that I would imagine it is a normal thought, no matter how illogical. I am going to be a bit of an ass and hurt you a bit, so that when I die, you won't hurt as much.

Yep, I think you got the drift and put it succinctly.

It's actually quite humorous IMO, albeit in a morbid sort of way.
I have always had strange thoughts over my lifetime, but I must say that I had never considered this angle regarding death.
I think I had to be in the position I am in to come up with this.
I don't think in my wildest imagination I would have had this thought otherwise.

I think I have posted before about the chemo brain thing and that writing is hard for me these days, and it takes so many corrections to get it right. You all don't the half of it and how I struggle with punctuation, missing words, poor wording I need to revise and the like.

But I just reread my post and I am happy with how I wrote it, it's really the old me in that post.
Well, I mean me being off the wall at times.
Those that knew me at sigforum from 2000 to 2003 will remember some of my patented late night rants.

It may sound odd, but I do some of my best writing and have some of my best creative thoughts when I'm on meds. Prescription of course, nothing illegal.
It's like Edgar Allen Poe comes to me so I have a fraction of talent, where I would otherwise have none.

As I follow you in this thread, your words have gotten me thinking a bit more about my relationships with others, especially my daughters and my own mortality. None of us are getting out of this alive. I don't post as often as I'd like in this thread because I am at a loss for words most of the times. It certainly set my priorities just a little straighter each time I visit and read the updates (sort of like a gentle reminder after day of stressful work).

Thanks and hopefully you'll continue to carry on much longer..