I asked the red headed nurse at my doctors office today why she wasn't wearing green. She told me because St. Patrick's day was Saturday.

Time to Nurture America's Irish-Inspired Sense of Humor

Townhall.com
Tom Pircell
March 17, 2018


It's always grand in March of every year to pour myself a pint of Guinness and enjoy the glorious Irish wit.

It's my good fortune to be a fellow of Irish descent. I share my good fortune with a quarter of all Americans, who can trace their heritage to the rolling, green hills of Ireland - including my Uncle Mike, rest his soul, whose grandparents came to America from Ireland.

As a lad, I loved the way he and my father celebrated St. Patrick's Day: by swapping the same Irish jokes and witticisms that I've been retelling for years.

Such as the one about a famous Irish dancer who decided to go to confession one Saturday.

Father Sullivan began asking her about her work. She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer, but the priest didn't know what she meant.

"I'll show you, father," she said.

She stepped out of the confessional and went into a series of cartwheels, handsprings and backflips.

An elderly woman turned to another parishioner and said: "Look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin' out, and me without 'me' bloomers on!"

Catherine McHugh writes for biography.com that "the Irish indisputably have a way with language, as countless phrases and sayings born on the Emerald Island have been quoted across the world."

She shares some of the most memorable witticisms from famous Irish writers, politicians and entertainers, such as these two lines from the great writer Oscar Wilde:

"Be yourself; everyone else is taken."

"The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple."

Playwright George Bernard Shaw spoke one of my all-time favorites: "A government that robs from Peter to pay Paul can always count on the support of Paul."

He also coined this well-remembered line: "Youth is wasted on the young."

Playwright Sean O'Casey offers a clever take on a famous Shakespeare quote: "The world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed."

The great satirist Jonathan Swift offers sound advice: "May you live all the days of your life."

And Irish footballer George Best celebrates the Irish wit in all its glory with a line that made me laugh out loud: "In 1969, I gave up women and alcohol. It was the worst 20 minutes of my life."

According to author Bob Callahan in a Salon article, the Irish influence on American culture is considerable.

The melodies of the Irish fiddle were blended with the rhythms of African music to give birth to today's popular music.

Irish vaudevillians, masters of knockabout physical comedy, influenced early Hollywood filmmaking and even gave birth to the newspaper comic strip.

But it is the mischievousness of the Irish spirit and wit - the "hard-boiled, darkly humorous, racetrack bitten" language of the Irish - that really benefited America.

Irish spirit and wit were the precursors to "brilliant, wisecracking Irish-Americans," who were precursors to the gregarious American spirit and sense of humor that are among our most treasured resources.

We sometimes take ourselves too seriously and lose our sense of humor - we sometimes get lost in the narrowness of our own point of view.

Well, St. Patrick's Day is a great day to pour yourself a pint of Guinness, and to feed and nurture our badly-needed sense of humor - because nothing helps people get along better than a hearty laugh.

Which reminds me of one joke that I am confident we can all agree on:

Q: Why are Irish jokes so simplistic?

A: So Congress can understand them.

Link

quote:

Originally posted by zoom6zoom:
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

None.

I see what you did there

Fookin’ Brits

quote:

Originally posted by JALLEN:
<snip>
"Be yourself; everyone else is taken."
<snip>

Reminds me of this quote:

Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.
--Tallulah Bankhead

quote:

Originally posted by TMats:

quote:

Originally posted by zoom6zoom:
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

None.

I see what you did there

I don't. Am I missing a stereotype, or something more specific?

- - - -

Edit: Oh! Now I get it!

(Ouch.).

I don't have any different ones off the top of my head, but there were some very funny ones here. I have forwarded several to some friends. Thanks.

Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the corner of the room, drinking a sip out of each pint in turn. When he had finished all three, he went back to the bar and ordered three more.

The barman says, “You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it . Your pints would taste better if you bought one at a time.”

Patrick replies, “Well now, I have two brodders, one is in America and de odder in Australia and here I am in Dublin . When we all left home, we promised dat we’d drink dis way to remember de days we all drank togedder.”

The barman admits that this is a nice custom and says no more.

Patrick becomes a regular customer and always drinks the same way … ordering three pints and drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished. One day, he comes in and orders just two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he goes back to the bar for the second round, the barman says, "I don’t want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss. "Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops and he starts to laugh, “Oh no,” he says, “Bejesus, everyone is fine! Tis me … I’ve quit drinking!”

An Irish daughter suddenly returns home after no word for several years. On seeing her, her father angrily demands “Why didn’t you write? Why didn't you call? Where have you been?”

The girl starts crying, "I have to confess that I became a prostitute."

"What? Out of here, you shameless harlot! Sinner! You've disgraced this family. Be gone from my sight."

"As you wish. I only came to give you and mum the deed to a beautiful new house, a million pounds, and that new Mercedes that's parked outside."

“Say again what it was you said you became?" says the father.

Girl, tearfully, "A prostitute.”

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph, lass, You scared me half to death. I thought you said a Protestant. Come over here and give your old man a hug."

quote:

Originally posted by zoom6zoom:
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

None.

"...stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled;..."

Hard times in the past. May the future be peacefull and just.

Here is a song that is a joke on the listener...

"I'll sing about a maiden..."

https://youtu.be/SH0Fv73Ik0I

No disrespect to either Jonathan Swift or mr kablammo, but I know for a fact that many in Ireland do not consider the famine “bad luck.”

quote:

Originally posted by 2012BOSS302:

I don't get either of these. Nevermind. I get the second one after looking him up.

quote:

Originally posted by Orguss:
I don't get either of these. Nevermind. I get the second one after looking him up.

I believe the first one is "Leprechaun farts," and the second is, of course, St. Patrick ridding Medusa of her snake hair.

quote:

Originally posted by TMats:
No disrespect to either Jonathan Swift or mr kablammo, but I know for a fact that many in Ireland do not consider the famine “bad luck.”

Jon Swift was sympathetic to the Irish. Have you read his satirical essay 'A Modest Proposal'?

I studied history in the Fifth and Sixth forms at a school for children of the BAoR. The instructor was explicit that the English landowners forced the Irish to grow grain for export, and not for their consumption. A policy of continuation of the then recent religious civil wars no doubt.

quote:

Originally posted by olfuzzy:
An Irish woman of advanced age, visited her physician to ask his help in
reviving her husband's libido. "What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.
"Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an aspirin".

"Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee. He won't
even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how
things went."

It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired
as to the progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and
begorrah! Twas horrid. Just terrible, doctor!"

"Really, What happened?" asked the doctor.

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect
was almost immediate. He jumped hisself straight up, with a twinkle in his
eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his
arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to
tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to
me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute
nightmare!"

"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband
provided was not good"?

"Oh, no, no, no, doctor, the sex was fine indeed! 'Twas the best sex
I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here,

I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again."

Another version of this one is a guy is trying increase his wifes sex drive he does what a Doctor tells him. He runs home rushes in the house and jumps his wife walking in the hallway and takes her on the hallway floor right there. Next day he sees the Doctor and the Doc asks how it went, the guy told what he did but it didn't make a difference, then said,"but her bridge club got a tremendous kick out it."

quote:

Originally posted by mr kablammo:

quote:

Originally posted by TMats:
No disrespect to either Jonathan Swift or mr kablammo, but I know for a fact that many in Ireland do not consider the famine “bad luck.”

Jon Swift was sympathetic to the Irish. Have you read his satirical essay 'A Modest Proposal'?

I studied history in the Fifth and Sixth forms at a school for children of the BAoR. The instructor was explicit that the English landowners forced the Irish to grow grain for export, and not for their consumption. A policy of continuation of the then recent religious civil wars no doubt.

I have not, but I will. Thanks

BAoR=British Army of the Rhine?

Yes sir.