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Better lucky than good
Picture of r2mach1
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Whats Irish and sits out on your deck?
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Paddy O'Furniture Big Grin




Class III FFL/SOT firearms dealer

 
Posts: 3645 | Location: Fort Morgan, Colorado | Registered: November 10, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Little ray
of sunshine
Picture of jhe888
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quote:
Originally posted by PeteF:
While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint. Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage.

I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.

Then I got him a Kilkenny's, he didn't like that either, so I drank it. Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager? He didn't. I drank it.

I thought maybe he'd like whisky better than beer so we tried a Jameson's; nope! 

In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast, Ireland's finest whisky. He wouldn't even smell it.

What could I do but drink it!

By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so ****-faced I could hardly push his stroller back home!!!


That is a good one, but you had to see it coming from about a mile down the road. Wink




The fish is mute, expressionless. The fish doesn't think because the fish knows everything.
 
Posts: 53412 | Location: Texas | Registered: February 10, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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The English were proud of the saying: "The Sun never sets on the British Empire".

To which an Irishman replied: "Because GOD doesn't trust them in the dark".


*********
"Some people are alive today because it's against the law to kill them".
 
Posts: 8228 | Location: Arizona | Registered: August 17, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
I'll use the Red Key
Picture of 2012BOSS302
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Patrick O’Malley hoisted his beer and said: “Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!” – and he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night.

In bed later that night, he told his wife: “Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night.”

She said, “Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?”

So he told her: “Here’s to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh,” she said, “that is very nice, dear.”

The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy’s drinking partners in the street. Mischievously, the man said: “Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, Mary?”

She replied: “Aye – and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he’s only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come”.




Donald Trump is not a politician, he is a leader, politicians are a dime a dozen, leaders are priceless.
 
Posts: 3820 | Location: Idaho | Registered: January 26, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Shit don't
mean shit
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What's an Irish 7 course dinner?

A six pack and a potato.
 
Posts: 5835 | Location: 7400 feet in Conifer CO | Registered: November 14, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Three on, one off
Picture of G-Man
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An Irishman was struggling to find a parking space.

"Lord," he prayed. "I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up the Guinness and go to mass every Sunday."

Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the Irishman says: "Never mind, I found one!"
 
Posts: 4470 | Location: Michigan | Registered: November 03, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Baroque Bloke
Picture of Pipe Smoker
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A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.

Three women, from England, Scotland and Ireland, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The English woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?' The man said 'No' so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The Scottish woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?' The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The Irish woman came to him and said, 'ave ya ever been fooked lad?'

The man broke into a big smile and said, no.

She said, 'Aye - Ya will be when the tide comes in.'



Serious about crackers
 
Posts: 9698 | Location: San Diego | Registered: July 26, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of wrightd
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quote:
Originally posted by Pipe Smoker:
A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.

Three women, from England, Scotland and Ireland, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The English woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?' The man said 'No' so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The Scottish woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?' The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The Irish woman came to him and said, 'ave ya ever been fooked lad?'

The man broke into a big smile and said, no.

She said, 'Aye - Ya will be when the tide comes in.'

And we have a winner !




Lover of the US Constitution
Wile E. Coyote School of DIY Disaster
 
Posts: 9090 | Location: Nowhere the constitution is not honored | Registered: February 01, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of Sailor1911
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quote:
Originally posted by wrightd:
quote:
Originally posted by Pipe Smoker:
A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.

Three women, from England, Scotland and Ireland, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The English woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?' The man said 'No' so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The Scottish woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?' The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The Irish woman came to him and said, 'ave ya ever been fooked lad?'

The man broke into a big smile and said, no.

She said, 'Aye - Ya will be when the tide comes in.'

And we have a winner !


That made me LOL!




Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark.

“If in winning a race, you lose the respect of your fellow competitors, then you have won nothing” - Paul Elvstrom "The Great Dane" 1928 - 2016
 
Posts: 3809 | Location: Wichita, Kansas | Registered: March 27, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
thawed out,
thrown out
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What's the main difference between St. Patty's day and Martin Luther King day?

On St. Patty's day people want to be Irish.



Where did the Irishman take his family for vacation?

The pub across the street.
 
Posts: 124 | Registered: February 20, 2018Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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What's Green 1 mile long and has an asshole every 2 feet?
The NYC St Patty's Day Parade.


_________________________
 
Posts: 8953 | Location: 18 miles long, 6 Miles at Sea | Registered: January 22, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Legalize the Constitution
Picture of TMats
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quote:
Originally posted by downtownv:
What's Green 1 mile long and has an asshole every 2 feet?
The NYC St Patty's Day Parade.

I guess we’ve heard from the Orangemen


_______________________________________________________
despite them
 
Posts: 13756 | Location: Wyoming | Registered: January 10, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
I'll use the Red Key
Picture of 2012BOSS302
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A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.”

The room is quiet, and no one takes up the Texan’s offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is your bet still good?” asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?”

The Irishman replies, “Oh…I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first”.




Donald Trump is not a politician, he is a leader, politicians are a dime a dozen, leaders are priceless.
 
Posts: 3820 | Location: Idaho | Registered: January 26, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
אַרְיֵה
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Back when I was a lad, in the mid 1900s, Robert Briscoe was Mayor of Dublin. On a visit to NYC, he was given the traditional ticker tape parade.

Two older Jewish ladies were watching the parade, and one said to the other, "Look. Mayor of Dublin, and he's a Jew!"

The other replied, in approval, "Yes. Only in America could such a thing happen!"



הרחפת שלי מלאה בצלופחים
 
Posts: 31703 | Location: Central Florida, Orlando area | Registered: January 03, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
I'll use the Red Key
Picture of 2012BOSS302
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'Murphy, why don't you give up the drinking, smoking and carousing?' said Mrs O'Leary

'It's too late,' replied Murphy.

'It's never too late,' assured the virtuous Mrs O'Leary.

'Well, there's no rush then,' smiled Murphy.




Donald Trump is not a politician, he is a leader, politicians are a dime a dozen, leaders are priceless.
 
Posts: 3820 | Location: Idaho | Registered: January 26, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Baroque Bloke
Picture of Pipe Smoker
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Mick and Paddy were walking home after a night on the beer when a severed head rolled along the ground.

Mick picked it up to his face and said to Paddy “Jez, that look like Sean,” to which Paddy replied “No, Sean was taller than that.”



Serious about crackers
 
Posts: 9698 | Location: San Diego | Registered: July 26, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of dsiets
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A backpacker is traveling through Ireland when it starts to rain. He decides to wait out the storm in a nearby pub. The only other person at the bar is an older man staring at his drink. After a few moments of silence the man turns to the backpacker and says in a thick Irish accent:

"You see this bar? I built this bar with my own bare hands. I cut down every tree and made the lumber myself. I toiled away through the wind and cold, but do they call me McGreggor the bar builder? No."

He continued "Do you see that stone wall out there? I built that wall with my own bare hands. I found every stone and placed them just right through the rain and the mud, but do they call me McGreggor the wall builder? No."

"Do ya see that pier out there on the lake? I built that pier with my own bare hands, driving each piling deep into ground so that it would last a lifetime. Do they call me McGreggor the pier builder? No."

"But ya fuck one goat.."
 
Posts: 7535 | Location: MI | Registered: May 22, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Baroque Bloke
Picture of Pipe Smoker
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^^^^

Smile



Serious about crackers
 
Posts: 9698 | Location: San Diego | Registered: July 26, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
I'll use the Red Key
Picture of 2012BOSS302
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Hey it's McGreggor the goat fucker




Donald Trump is not a politician, he is a leader, politicians are a dime a dozen, leaders are priceless.
 
Posts: 3820 | Location: Idaho | Registered: January 26, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Delusions of Adequacy
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How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

None.





I have my own style of humor. I call it Snarkasm.
 
Posts: 17944 | Location: Virginia | Registered: June 02, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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