My younger sister received the last rites sometime this weekend.

Must now decide wether I stay with my last memories of her, before her brain aneurisms and hospitalization treatments or go visit her one last time and imprint those terrible images in my head for the rest of my life.

I have no love left for her. She was always a bitch on wheels and a backstabber, screwed me each and every time the opportunity presented itself or could be created.

As a child, when called to help with the house chores she would inevitably respond with: "what is Nicky (me) doing right now?" and most times I would end up doing the tasks instead of her. Can now picture Death knocking at her door and she answering the same thing. After all, I am the first born, the older, the male and should be the one to go first.
She always craved the "extra" attention she believed I was receiving. I wanted none of it and ran away from it. But she chose to blame me.

My last memories of her are she standing on the street corner of my home, not too long ago earlier this summer. I came out of a Mall and crossed the street. When I raised my eyes, she was standing there, right in front and ahead of me, pretending not to see me. There was no one else nearby so I was the single moving object around. We could not possibly ignore ourselves there but we pretended we did, I walked by and kept going until I reached home.

Feel sorry for my sister because I can`t remember her ever being truly happy. She build no family, no everlasting friendships, nothing to be remembered by.

Wondering it I`ll be notified of the funeral arrangements since our mother chose not to fill me in since my sister`s ordeal started, over a month ago. Also wondering if I should show up when it happens.

So, my final question to the reader is, given the choice... would you pick the less traumatic memories over the terrible ones or would you take the lot?

Thank you for reading and I hope it will make you reflect over your own personal situation.

0-0

This message has been edited. Last edited by: 0-0,

Nicky, unless I felt the same about the whole family, I would attend. A family member's passing is sometimes less about the departed, and more about being there for the ones left behind.

Only you can decide what's best, but that's something to consider.

While I have not been in your shoes on this situation, she is still family no matter how things were between you. Open your heart, go say your farewells, and forgive her for the past; you will feel better for it in the end.

I am truly sorry that you have gone and are going through this time.

quote:

Originally posted by bionic218:
A family member's passing is sometimes less about the departed, and more about being there for the ones left behind.

Only you can decide what's best.

This from the heart.

I would visit, it is your sister. Sounds like it was a tough relationship. Sometimes is very hard to understand why people do the things they do, offer your love, care and forgiveness. It will be up to her what she does with it

Whatever you do don't set yourself up for a lifelong regret. You won't get a second chance to make it right.

Nick, my wife has avoided seeing one of her grandmothers to avoid having images and remembrances of grandma in her head when she passes. I asked Mrs Mike when I noticed that we had visited one grandma and not the other. I can't blame her-I would visit regardless, but that is me.

I think attending the funeral is solely up to you and what kind of level of bullshit you are willing to deal with. Sometimes cutting people out of your life is the best.

Forgive her shortcomings and move on. Whatever memories arise, give them a pleasant thought.

Thank you guys for taking the time to read and reply.

Following Mike`s reply above, I must add that I got rid of my mother (and sister, as she tagged along for profit and another opportunity to screw me for good) for health, sanity and hapiness reasons.
They were porposedly driving me insane, sick and making sure I stayed unhappy.
Getting them out of my life was the breath of fresh I needed to keep going.
I decided, rightly, that they did not deserve one more second of my life. That was a tough decision that had to be made.

0-0

Agree,go and move on,atleast you won't have regrets down the road.

If you have truly washed your hands of those family members, as you say, then I believe that you should continue to move forward and forgo attending the funeral. Not the same thing, but related, I lost my grandmother back in 1973 and my last memory of her is laying in the opened casket at her funeral. Of course I have many better memories of her, however that is stuck in my head, too, and I despise it.

I had been estranged from my last living family member, my younger brother, for many years. I did not even know where he was living. Last fall, pancreatic cancer killed him. He was living about a mile from where we grew up. I did not hear of his passing until a FaceBook page entry was reported to me a week after he was gone.
I would have liked one last chance to see him.
Go and see your sister.
It will close out a chapter of your life.

Do what your heart tells you to do.

Pray, if you're religious.

Sometimes people wish that they could foretell the future. Actions, reactions, consequences. And they probably never wonder if they would be better off by not knowing.

If in doubt, perhaps that is an indication of the road to take.

Very sorry to hear of your situation. Having had to cut toxic people out of your life, I can't imagine the tug of war your heart is in.
If it were me, I would not go see a person who never loved me and wouldn't know I was there anyway.
Going to the funeral might expose you to even more toxic feelings in a very emotionally charged environment. Not a good combo. I might go if there was someone there I cared about to lend support but other than that, no.

Whatever decision you make, make it and don't look back.
It wasn't your doing or your fault so don't set yourself up for being blamed for it.

My condolences. You are owed some peace in your life after having to deal with this.

quote:

Originally posted by 2BobTanner:
While I have not been in your shoes on this situation, she is still family no matter how things were between you. Open your heart, go say your farewells, and forgive her for the past; you will feel better for it in the end.

I am truly sorry that you have gone and are going through this time.

This is the best post here, and one that I would have written.

tac

quote:

Originally posted by 2BobTanner:
While I have not been in your shoes on this situation, she is still family no matter how things were between you. Open your heart, go say your farewells, and forgive her for the past; you will feel better for it in the end.

I am truly sorry that you have gone and are going through this time.

Yes, yes. This right here.

quote:

Originally posted by 2BobTanner:
While I have not been in your shoes on this situation, she is still family no matter how things were between you.

I'm not so sure I agree with this. There is more to being family than shared DNA.

Forgive her for yourself not for her benefit. Say your good byes and try remember something positive.

0-0, you have mail.