I really should feel the Christmas spirit and not be annoyed by this. But...

A coworker in my department texted me and said that "Keith's dad died and we would like to send him something, would you pitch in $15-$20?"

Now it's not a lot of money and he is a good guy. But Keith is 3 levels up from me. He has about 5 direct reports that are Director level, and they each have managers that report to them. We are not manager level.

In addition to that the company actually has a bereavement gift program where a group gets reimbursed for this type of thing. I mentioned this to my coworker and she said she knows but thought it would be nice to send something from our specific group. I could explain to her that is what the program covers, but I don't want to get to deep in this over $20.

Maybe I'm an ass but I think it's sort of a tough precedent to set. How many others will we be asked to pitch in for? I should mention, his father was probably in his 80s/90s and I doubt this was some tragic unexpected death.

Anyhow I'm gonna shut up and pay. But I am annoyed.

I would not pay.

Sounds similar to my department. Executive Director has several Directors, each with several direct reports which may be manager or specialist level.

In the event someone has a family death, the Executive Director's admin assistant would get a card and we would all sign it. Pretty much the same as a retirement, marriage, or new child.

Actually, death announcements usually go out by email and include a location to send flowers or contributions to charity in the person's name. That is more of a general obituary and anything further would be completely voluntary.

If the guy can't look you straight in the eye and address you by name (without being reminded of what it is) it isn't worthwhile.

A simple no works but I don't have to play politics at my job

I vote for no as well. Relatives get cards. Co-workers and bosses get me saying I'm sorry for their loss. IMHO, there is no such thing as a "bereavement gift." Unless it's a neighbor, when I cook up a dish of something tasty that keeps well in the fridge.

“Sorry your dad died. Here’s a gift we extorted from the team.”

I know about cards - having signed quite a few, but a bereavement gift?

I dont contribute to ANY office function. I also never plan one do as to not require requesting money either.

Last time i checked i didnt work for UNICEF or March of Dimes.

Solicitation of any kind at work pisses me off. Then again ive always been a bit of an asshole.

Well I'm an asshole, too. When those cards come around I just check my name on the attached list and send it to the next person on the list.
These people are co-workers; VERY FEW are friends.

quote:

Originally posted by OttoSig:
Solicitation of any kind at work pisses me off.

Any kind of solicitation at work should be prohibited.

By all means, pony up you selfish bastard. Are you not a team player? And make sure you buy double from anyone shaking you down for their kid's school fundraiser.

Perhaps such giving (or not) should be considered in everyone's performance review/feedback and weighted for promotion, raise and bonus programs.

Gifts for people dying...I don’t get it. Donations in lieu of flowers, ok.
Sorry, can’t contribute, I’ve already made a donation to the Human Fund on behalf of the deceased.

This is like gripes in the military - they go up the chain, not down.

And as a few posts eluded to - what the hell is a bereavement gift?

Never heard of a bereavement gift. Is this really a thing?

Cards, sure. Flowers, yes I have sent flowers to be displayed at the service.

A gift? To the family? Weird.

Never heard of such a thing. Seems a bunch of ass kissers trying to out do one another.

Flowers sure, Donation to a preferred charity in honor of the deceased OK.

I'd pass and have for other types of requests.

quote:

Originally posted by WaterburyBob:
I just check my name on the attached list and send it to the next person

+1 Those usually just become a mess and you can't tell who most of the people are anyways. Hell you can't even read most of them.

quote:

[hitting people up for money for] bereavement gift

That strikes me as being in bad taste. Signing a sympathy card is OK. How about this one?

I never heard of a bereavement gift before this thread.

Friend’s dad died. I express my sincere condolences and offer to help if i can. Not once did a “gift” come to mind. And that is for a friend. A coworker thrice removed? Wtf? When did that become a thing?

Okay so as I read these replies I was about to make a major correction in calling it a "gift". I was assuming by "getting him something", my coworker meant flowers or something like that.

Well I was more correct the first time. They sent him a basket with cookies and stuff. Here's a picture of what they sent. I got a text letting me know how to pay my $16.

I didn't really pay attention to the picture when I got the text about paying. I just said "OK". Figured I don't want to make waves this time of year. Anyhow, now seeing what was sent I think I should tell her that I think such a "gift" is inappropriate for someone grieving.

What say you all, tell her or just let this go?...